I thought this day might be tough. It's XWH's birthday. He's 45. Recently he had a new profile pic on facebook. He looked terrible. Pale, lines deepening around his eyes and across his forehead, hair even thinner and more receded than when we were together. A weird smile, you know... the kind where you can't see any teeth? And his eyes!! Ugh. Just vacant to me. I guess because now I know that behind his NPD fašade, there's no one home. At least no one worth knowing.
My best friend was delighted with the photo and couldn't wait to show me. lol. She's convinced all his conniving ways are finally catching up with him. I love her for how much she hates him on my behalf.
But today wasn't hard at all. I thought about last year on his b-day. His 17yo son gave a fellow student a note in which he said he was going to commit suicide. The girl gave it to the teacher, and of course the school reacted accordingly. The school called XWH, who of course didn't answer. Then they called me. I went to the school, got the note, talked with the vice principal, and then brought DS17 home for a tearful and intense conversation about what had happened and why.
When XWH finally showed up several hours later, his response was to be pissed that DS17 had "the fucking nerve to pull this shit on my birthday!!".
Memories like these make me realize I'm so much better off without him. So. Much. Better.
I'm sure he's pissed today too, because his kids (except probably DD22) will not even realize its his birthday. He doesn't have me there anymore, giving little reminders to the boys that "its dad's birthday, or fathers day, or whatever... I know he'd really love a call or even a text from you." I always did that for him. Always. Guaranteed OW will not.
He's going to be so confused why the kids always "remembered" his birthday before, and this year....
Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling