User Topic: How do u know enough is enough
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

So I've been singing the same tune for about a year now . Omg I can't believe he did that ! He was my bf at the time we purchased a house together then a week later I found out he was on Craigslist for 2 years. And many other sites. Posting for men and women. Took poly and passed, swears on everything it was not about sex. Says it took his mind off of his problems . He was cheated on b4 therefor he thought I was going to leave him and cheat. We were only together 3 yrs when we bought home. Of course he lied to save his ass and never told the truth! I've been down this road before. I divorced my 1st husband. I of have a 6 yr out of 1st marriage. I'm to scared to love forward. I tried for a year w him. It's much. I think about it daily and I still have a ton of questions. I kept digging and kept finding and he kept lying! Nothing Is new. It is all from 2010 to 2012. He is packing and I'm trying to move on, he is so upset bc I have picked this. This f'ing sucks. He's sad I'm sad! Wtf! How did u know if was time to just move on? It's been such a long year!!!

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
New Member
Member # 41082
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I am asking myself that same question.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I think it's different for everyone. We all have our own breaking point. The strange thing was it wasn't the infidelity or the lies, it was the accusations against me. I felt can you go and hurt me like that and then try to turn it around on me? Enough was enough when I endured 4 days in a row of constant accusations and him showing up unannounced to "catch" me in the act.

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

This is so hard. We cried and cried last night. His stuff is about 75% packed. I'm freaking out . Can I do this. ? What do I tell me 6 year old daughter? What if he's telling the truth? What if what if what if....

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

It's a hard spot to get to for sure. ((((HUGS))))))

If he is still lying, there is NO SHOT at R. Period. But you know this. When it hurts more to stay and not get what you need, you will find the strength to leave.

What are you doing to work on you?

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I don't know if he's lying . I don't eve know how we got here. The story just kept growing each time I dug around, he never admitted to anything.

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

When it hurts more to stay and not get what you need, you will find the strength to leave.

To me, this statement is very simple and yet so profound. I needed to hear this after DDay#2. Can it be as simple as you leave when it hurts more to stay than it does to leave? I suppose it is.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
New Member
Member # 38647
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I'm asking myself the same question too. I was talking to a friend of mine who went through D maybe 5 years ago and I asked her what her breaking point was. She said that it was that he refused to get help, refused to take responsibility for his actions and continued to lie. I think I am at that point now. What is the point of moving forward when he refuses to do anything to make the relationship go forward?
So sorry Hope you find the direction you need. ((Hugs))

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 8 years
2 awesome kids, 7 and 4
D-Day #1 2/28/13
D-Day #2 10/21/13
Courage is not the absence of fear. It's acting in the face of fear.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Florida
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

We r not married. Now since it has come down to it. I'm having 2nd thoughts....

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

When 4 months into R he sat and lied to my face, and got angrier and angrier that I didn't believe him. Something just snapped. I knew I was done. It was horrific but also I relief. I was out of limbo.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Well I don't know if this answers your question, but I KNEW I was ready when I decided I was going to take the diamonds out of my wedding rings and turn them into something else.

Edited for typos

[This message edited by whiteflower99 at 9:57 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Topic Posts: 11