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User Topic: Does anyone else
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Just dread the holidays sometimes? I get sooo bogged down with gifts, money, parties, work, driving out of state, food, etc. I want to enjoy the winter season (my favorite time of year) but I end up just completely stressed. Now Oct is flying by, and we have to start planning for gifts and such. This year has gone by so fast.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I used to love the holidays but after my divorce the thought of sending out cards made me .

I have found gift cards to restaurants, amazon, or the same general gift to multiple people helps me.

Enjoyment is key and whatever you need to do that is the Christmas spirit!

Posts: 1006 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I think it depends on what stage of your life you are in and your obligations. My kids are now grown and nobody in my family exchanges gifts, we just get together at my brother's house on Christmas Day. I'm alone on Christmas Eve and love it. That's all I have to do for Christmas now. I don't go to parties, don't send cards anymore, don't have to buy gifts for anyone, so after divorce and raising my children I can just enjoy the season. I really enjoy just seeing my family and spending the whole day with them and that's our holiday.

It's very spontaneous and kind of fun now. We might go ice skating or take the train downtown to see the Christmas lights. Every year is different.

Hugs to you, I remember how stressful it used to be. It's no fun like that. Do you have to do everything? Are there some things you can say "no" to? You don't have to be everything to everyone. I've had to learn how to say "no" when overwhelmed.

Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7482 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Something that a lot of people forget is that they are adults and get to make their own rules--and fun. Just as in other areas of this board, it stops when you say it stops.

My suggestion (and please take this as nicely as possible, not the way it sounds ) is: Grow a pair. Do what YOU want for the holidays. Of course, honoring others and doing good deeds will also make you feel good, so I'm not telling to discount the feelings of others. Honor the traditions that make you feel good, don't do what makes you frazzled and start some new traditions. It's good for the soul.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20281 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

It also helps if you buy gifts throughout the year instead of concentrating your buying in the couple of months (weeks?) before Christmas. When my kids were young, my daughter used to say, "Mum starts buying for Christmas on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas here in Canada)." Of course, buying so early, I'd often forget what I'd bought, so the kids ended up getting many more gifts than they should have--or I'd be cleaning a closet in June and discover the gift I should have given my son for the Christmas before!

Old habits die hard, though, and I still shop early. Then I make a point of going to the mall on Christmas Eve, just to look around--happy as a clam to not be rushing to buy.

DS, if you are reading this, I have bought the cutest Hello, Kitty necklace and earrings for GD5!

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7278 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I love the holiday's. When I was working I would shop throughout the year and be finished and wrapped by September. This way I get the pick of what's out there and sales are still good. There's no crazy lines and I can relax during the season. The only thing I ended up stressing about is stocking stuffers. That's it. Once I'm back to work I plan on going back to doing things this way.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 17686
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I have slowly lowered the bar about the holidays over the years (and D-day kind of speeded up that drop too)and I find that this year I am looking forward to it because there are very few "requirements".

Getting rid of the requirements has created freedom to do what we want, how and when we want, and taken away the guilt and pressure if I am unable to meet all the expectations. I already failed as far as everyone else is concerned, no one to disappoint anymore, can only go up right?

But we each must find what works for us. I did not "drop the ball" purposefully, it kind of happened slowly but I am grateful it did even though it was really hard for a few years to live with the reality of what I could really do vs the expectations I had for myself as well as those others had of me.

May we all find our joy this season in whatever fashion that ends up being.


We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I would just like to be able to put up some damn decorations without having to worry that my 90 lb lab will destroy them.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)


MH and I love the's our favorite time of year. Growing up, Christmas was always a joyful and loving time...I have excellent memories

MH and I shop throughout the year for gifts. If we see something at a festival or a good sale is happening, we'll think of a particular person and buy it then. I keep all the purchased items in our guestroom so I always know what we've already purchased.

Thanksgiving weekend is the weekend I do all the wrapping. By the end of the weekend its all done, including shipping boxes and labeling. At that point, that's when I know I can thoroughly enjoy the rest of the season without running around like a!!

I believe that being organized and doing shopping in advance, a little at a time not only cuts done on a huge bill but also removes the stress.

I hope you can enjoy the what works best for you

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198255 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I love the holidays, but it gets stressful. Between November & December there are 4 birthdays, 1 anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the anniversary of a siblings death. I started a little bit of shopping last month. Hopefully, it makes it easier and less rushed. Chocolate helps.

Posts: 35846 | Registered: Mar 2011
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Well I think part of what is stressing me about this year is: it is the anniversary of Sister in law's baby's death (stillborn at 9 months). It will also be the first year without his grandmother, who died a month ago. I also miss my own mother and brother terribly, but do not have the finances to visit for Xmas. Top that with the normal holiday stress, just not something I am excited about. So depression all around :(

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 7:39 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

The holidays are the only thing I look forward to in winter. I hate the cold weather and snow. And oh it is snowing outside my window right now.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

I don't really dread the holidays, I'm more indifferent to them than anything. I learned a *long* time ago that if I wanted something for Christmas, I'd better buy it for myself. I absolutely *hate* the question "What do you want for Christmas?" because it's been my experience that the asker has either already gotten me something or will ignore my suggestion and get me what they want to.
Also both my parents died around the holidays - my dad a couple weeks after Christmas and my mother just days before Thanksgiving. I do look forward to this time of year however since three of my grandkids have birthdays in the next few weeks.

[This message edited by Clarrissa at 8:33 PM, October 24th (Thursday)]

BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 5891 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, October 24th (Thursday)


Posts: 35846 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

I have always loved the holidays. It is a magical time of year. Would not mind if on January 3rd the temp suddenly rose by 30 degrees!

My birthday is 12/24 so I have an attachment to Christmas. This will be my dd's first Christmas in the downsized new house. I am going to find a way to kick the decorations up a notch and make this special!

There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1665 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

I have always loved the holidays. It is a magical time of year. Would not mind if on January 3rd the temp suddenly rose by 30 degrees!

My birthday is 12/24 so I have an attachment to Christmas. This will be my dd's first Christmas in the downsized new house. I am going to find a way to kick the decorations up a notch and make this special!

There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1665 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, October 25th (Friday)

We say "Holidays" but as far as the merchants go there is only one - Christmas. We were in Kohl's last weekend and they already had the store decked out with xmas decorations. It was 85F outside! Kinda hard to get into the xmas season, especially since it is only October!

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, October 25th (Friday)

I opted out of gifting years ago, after too many times of hearing "did you keep the receipt?".

I tell folks I have everything I could ever need, and if I can't eat it, drink it or smoke it, I don't want it.

If I'm going to a party or dinner or something I'll bring wine or candles.

So no malls, gift wrap, cards or stressing over deadlines.

I just treat myself to dinners out or really nice meals at home, have candles and classical music, snuggle up with a nice glass of wine and enjoy quality time with my handful of amazing friends.

Call me a curmudgeon but it does make things pretty stress free in FFs world.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, October 27th (Sunday)

I love the holidays. They are what you make them. Or what you allow others to make them into.

*Back to decorating!*
(58 days til Christmas!!!)

Mrs. Griswald

[This message edited by sadtoo at 2:38 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]

It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)

Posts: 8032 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Member # 15334
Cool  Posted: 8:52 PM, October 27th (Sunday)

I get a mixture of both excitement and mild dread - excitement about all the fun baking, looking forward to the kids opening gifts, etc.
But too, I get tired thinking of hauling stuff and ourselves to relatives houses, holiday packaging, new toys to fit in the house,etc.

{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 44
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10732 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, October 27th (Sunday)

I have a large family and years ago we started drawing names for Christmas. We set a limit of $50 for the gift you have to buy for the person you draw, ask them for a few suggestions about what they would like/need, and enjoy buying for that one person.
We all buy for our own kids and their spouses/partners, as well as our own grandkids.
I enjoy finding things that I know my adult kids will enjoy, always find a good book for them, and we also do "stockings"....
Years ago my close friends and I decided that we were not going to exchange Christmas gifts any more, just get together for lunch. I have three close girlfriends that I have been friends with since I was 12 yrs old and we enjoy lunch and a visit usually about once a month.
It can get expensive and drive you crazy if you try to buy for everyone in your have to draw the line somewhere...

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, October 28th (Monday)

I enjoy it. I keep it simple. 3 family members and a boyfriend for gifts. Card-making I enjoy and send out about 30. I cut down a tree from my own property and decorate it on the porch. Family visits and we cook and eat. When they leave I take a week stay cation and its wonderful.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 22