My first mediation is in one week. I am triggering left and right, so many more tears, pain and anger, again!!!! I am mourning the loss of the man I thought I married, again. I am mourning the loss of the love I thought I had, again. I am sooo angry for the lies and deceit, again. I am finding out more lies and that just hurts more. I found out what he did on Dday. Well, first off, he met her in a hotel two days before dday and told me he had to go into work that day. He took her up to a town that he use to take me, spent over $ 500.00 on her and then took her out for a nice $100.00 dinner. I have had access to his credit card records. All while I was on the floor, in shock, sobbing my eyes out. So, I am remembering all the pain and shock from that day. That was just about 11 months ago.
I do not want to see him on the day of mediation, I do not want to hear his voice, I do not want to accidentally run into him. I Have told my attorneys that I need to be in a separate room, away from him.
I need to protect myself and NC is the only thing that has given me some space to heal. I do not want to leave there feeling completely devastated, like I did on dday.
If anyone has any suggestions for me, how to get through that day with the least amount of pain, I appreciate it. I know that there will be pain there for me and I will embrace it and walk through it, but I don't want to get blind sided by him again. I anticipate a pretty confrontational approach from his attorney. I anticipate that there will be intimidating tactics used. I want to stay true to myself.
No decision is going to be made that day, because my stbx has not been completely forthcoming on his financials - imagine that!!! A liar who still lies!!
Yup, still got the anger thing going for me too!!