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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Mediation next week, triggers galore
Dawn58
Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Hi All,

My first mediation is in one week. I am triggering left and right, so many more tears, pain and anger, again!!!! I am mourning the loss of the man I thought I married, again. I am mourning the loss of the love I thought I had, again. I am sooo angry for the lies and deceit, again. I am finding out more lies and that just hurts more. I found out what he did on Dday. Well, first off, he met her in a hotel two days before dday and told me he had to go into work that day. He took her up to a town that he use to take me, spent over $ 500.00 on her and then took her out for a nice $100.00 dinner. I have had access to his credit card records. All while I was on the floor, in shock, sobbing my eyes out. So, I am remembering all the pain and shock from that day. That was just about 11 months ago.

I do not want to see him on the day of mediation, I do not want to hear his voice, I do not want to accidentally run into him. I Have told my attorneys that I need to be in a separate room, away from him.

I need to protect myself and NC is the only thing that has given me some space to heal. I do not want to leave there feeling completely devastated, like I did on dday.

If anyone has any suggestions for me, how to get through that day with the least amount of pain, I appreciate it. I know that there will be pain there for me and I will embrace it and walk through it, but I don't want to get blind sided by him again. I anticipate a pretty confrontational approach from his attorney. I anticipate that there will be intimidating tactics used. I want to stay true to myself.

No decision is going to be made that day, because my stbx has not been completely forthcoming on his financials - imagine that!!! A liar who still lies!!

Yup, still got the anger thing going for me too!!

[This message edited by Dawn58 at 6:31 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I sat across from ex in mediation. I watched him act like a total ass, popping candy in his mouth, slouched back like not a care in the world. I also had to hear him say things like, "She is bleeding me dry!!!"

I survived by just repeating, "This is for the REST of my life." It is a business deal and you have to take it that way. There WILL be negation, so I decided early what I was willing to "give up". I went in asking for life time support...but I backed it down as part of the negotiation.

Don't let him know that you are sad about this, it gives him power.

Stay strong, look toward the future.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
twinkie
Member
Member # 29203
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

First, you do not have to be in the room with him. Second, make a list of what you are willing to give up. Take the time to get all of YOUR documents in order and presented to Your lawyer. If you are using a mediator they will submit a report to the judge about the offers and who was prepared and who was not as well as who was being an ass.


Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Louisiana
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Dawn,

I'm sorry you are in pain. Anticipatory anxiety is awful.

My first mediation is also coming up. I asked my lawyer about it and she just assumed we will be in separate rooms and won't even talk to each other. The mediator will just run back and forth between the lawyers.

So don't hesitate to tell your attorney that this is the arrangement you desire.

I wish you strength. You will get through it.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 4