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New Beginnings
User Topic: Hating myself for getting mad about the A
APRIL2008
Member
Member # 19690
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

X and I haven't talked for a while per his request and so last night was the first time cause I think he is being childish.
We have to talk, we have kids togeather.So everything started with kids stuff we dealt with it pretty good. But then he started bringing things up about me not being a good mother kids need me more blah blah blah and I snapped! I went to were I didn't want to. Not that I want to be back with him , but I said it was all his fault for not being able to be faithful. uuuugh I hate myself for even bring it up. No reason to discuss this anymore. When I hung up the phone I cried I sobbed something I hadn't done it in such a long time and now I am mad at myslef for allowing myself to get back to that point. I didn't want to ever go back to blaming to the fighting for the A.
Where is the fast forward button. When will I get to the point to never bring this up again.


Me BGF28
XBF 29
DD 10
DS 7

“Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"
Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”
― Lisa Schroeder


Posts: 525 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Arizona
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

((hugs)) two steps forward and three steps back is just the way it goes sometimes. You are moving forward even when you do this. Time really does heal, but not as quickly as we want it to.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
soulsearcher4
Member
Member # 29540
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Sometimes, when you try and take the bandages off too early, it hurts.

It will always hurt, but put it back on and try again later.


Me: BS
Her: WS

Divorced.

Remarried to a supremely wonderful person!


Posts: 174 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: So.Cal.
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

I think it's okay and if you can let the thought go, just move on. Maybe think about a good part of the same day if you can?

And next time, maybe do some mental prep for when he'll be around and think things like, what good will it do, and so on?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

It's okay to be angry about the affair. The 5 stages of healing are a bit of a cycle, you think you have moved onto the next phase, only to see a former one rear it's ugly head again. You just recognize it, and keep going. You acknowledged the crummy feelings, which is awesome, that's what keeps them at bay.

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

((((((APRIL2008))))))

Try not be be so hard on yourself. It's just part of the process and that anger will spur you on some more in a positive way.

I did something very similar today when I contacted ex about a drop off time for our DD next week. Well the stupid fucker forgot, again, and then ended up calling me names because I pulled him up on it.

I replied to him with some home truths which of course he didn't like, and never will as he is a victim and has done no wrong.

The good thing was that I wasn't even bothered afterwards. A short time ago I would have beaten myself up about it but I think I'm feeling indifferent, most of the time now, which feels like a really good place to be.

I no longer intend to allow that emotional retard get me down anymore.

He has already stolen enough of my happiness.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
newnormal
Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, October 25th (Friday)

Look at it from his perspective. In order for him to feel less crapy about the A, he tries to make himself feel better by hitting your parenting skills. He is in a lose, lose position. You won that round.

You will get to the point where you dont have any interest in fighting.

[This message edited by newnormal at 6:52 AM, October 25th (Friday)]


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
APRIL2008
Member
Member # 19690
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 25th (Friday)

and the day after he sends this:
Hey I was thinking about what we talked last night and I am really sorry for everything I did to you, but until yesterday I figured out why I did it and and out was not because you cheated on me it was because you did not respected me as your husband by talking to someone else wile I sleep knowing I work my ass of for you, I think that was the reason why I did not care after that point, i wanted you to feel what it felt but even worst. Now I apologies I'm a grown men and look at thing different. I wish I could of gave you a better life. =(

I sent back nothing, no need. I have heard his apologies many times its just blah blah blah. It doesnt even make sense.


Me BGF28
XBF 29
DD 10
DS 7

“Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"
Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”
― Lisa Schroeder


Posts: 525 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Arizona
Topic Posts: 8