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User Topic: I don't want to care about OW anymore...
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I don't want to care anymore about her. He has opened everything to me and offered again tonight...he says he does not want to talk to her. He's going to counseling, talking with my pastor, he's sending me love notes throughout the day and constantly hugging me. But STILL I feel paranoid and on alert and check up on her online. I have become sad and pathetic. I haaate this. I hate that some days I am OK and strong and see her as someone of the past and other days I am a paranoid mess of a person.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

I am 14 months out. Sometimes I still check on them. At 2 or 3 months out, I checked everything daily - fb, e-mail, phone logs. I read their fb pages. I had friends follow who I couldn't. I did google searches and read OW dating profiles. It was awful. The more I didn't want to do it, the more I did it. Then, as time passed and my H proved over and over again that it's only me now, I started checking less and less. Sometimes I still do, but not often and definitely not obsessively like before. Cut yourself some slack. And, maybe, try doing something else whenever the urge hits - search for a new recipe or a craft idea or whatever peeks your interest.

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Jan 2013
Chefj9
Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Wow. I am in the exact same place. I am exasperated with myself for giving her any energy. I was about to post about this very subject. I want to not care, I want to stop giving her head space. I don't have advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone with this and that you were heard.


ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Speaking from experience...TIME. Oh, I still hate them, wish only the worst in life for them, but mostly I don't care. I really know that they were only boils on the ass of my SAFWH and needed piercing so their pus oozed out. They've dried up in my mind, mostly.

Hang in there.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 6:55 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3426 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
niaveone
Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Between the first and second DDdays...I constantly had her FB page up at home all day long. WS thought he deleted his page, but he didn't. And she never took him off her friends list so I had unlimited friends access to her. I memorized every.single.post she ever wrote. Every.single.picture. Every little saying or poster that was supposed to be a "secret" thought for the WS. After DDay#2, she kicked him off her page because I called her out on it. I had mutual friends update me and forward me her pictures and her posts. Oh yeah. I get it.

Now, I realize she was a pathetic stand in for what WS thought he was missing IN ME. She is an empty shell of a resemblance of me and I realized if I kept keeping tabs on her, I was going to end up going insane. So I told my friends that were keeping me updated that I no longer needed the updates. And yes, I did go through withdrawl. ha ha. But I found my anxiety actually went down after the first few days because I wasn't constantly trying to figure out if there was a hidden reason behind her posts or ecards I know she must still be posting because the idiot can't think up anything original to post.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 16 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 206 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

When is the Karma bus going to hit them? I am waiting waiting waiting so patiently.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1353 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6