I would think your head would be near exploding by this point! (((HUGS)))
If it makes you feel any better, I got notice a couple weeks ago that my 1.5 year long contentious D would be final in a month or so. I WANT this divorce. I had no hope of R. He's an abusive bastard. And yet despite that, when I got the notice that we were in the very final stretch, when I saw those words I almost lost control of my bowels. Totally took me by surprise. I thought I would have jumped for joy. Instead I was clamping 'em shut to keep from messing myself.
You just don't know HOW you're going to react until you're in the middle of doing it.