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Just Found Out
User Topic: OW Contacted Me
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Just out if the blue yesterday. She left one sentence, but it cut through me. I was so upset that I called WH immediately and read what she sent. He promised to talk with her about it immediately... But, I wish I had answered her the way I wanted, consequences or not. Her message basically implied that she made him happy and I hadn't.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
khaleesi
New Member
Member # 40919
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

OW contacted me as well just a few days ago. I think it was because she is unable to get ahold of WH anymore since he deleted his FB and changed his cell phone number. We actually discussed it in MC yesterday and she agreed that it sounds like OW is fishing for a way back into his life. I blocked her from contacting me again and WH agreed not to contact her in response to this.

Not responding to her very rude, disgusting message was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Every cell in my body screamed to tell her exactly what I thought of her, but that's what she wants I guess. After a day I decided to look at this as a good thing, confirmation that WH is not contacting her at all now.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

(((momof1girl)))

He promised to talk with her about it immediately

Your WH should most certainly NOT be talking to her ever again.
There should be no more contact with her, by either of you. Crickets.
Indifference is a very strong message.
Block her on whatever medium she contacted you on.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 5:52 AM, October 24th (Thursday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
UKgirl
Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Iíve read your previous thread. Has your WH made a commitment to you, or is he sitting on the fence with OW in the wings? This is very, very difficult for you with him being away and you being with your Mum Ė is this still the case and does she know?

Lay down some ground rules. If OW is still working with him, he is to go NC in every way possible. If he does have necessary contact or conversation with her, it is only about work, nothing else. No idle chit chat niceties. He is to write a letter to that effect.

Secondly, he is to be an open book and you should be able to contact him any time you want or need to. Any time. You should be more important than his job right now.

He should be with you physically as much as possible if you are not already under the same roof. Go over your finances and see whatís available to cut back on.

Change your phone numbers. Both of you. In the NC letter he must tell her she is NOT to contact you either. That all attempts at contact will be recorded and he will apply for a restraining order if she doesnít stop. He tells her it is OVER, he loves his wife and family and is not going to jeopardise things any more than he already has done.

She is doing this to get a response from him. Don't give her the satisfaction that she has got to you.

Hugs
UKg


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3440 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

You did the right thing. Don't validate OW with a response. You have class and dignity and are above her silly insults.

WH should not be responding either, in any way. Why would he communicate with a person who hurt your family so deeply? Ignore OW until she goes away. Block every avenue of connection. Protect your marriage from this immoral, weak, desperate person.

Is WH in counseling? He needs to fix the damage that allowed him to lie, deceive and break his vows.

As for what OW said, that's complete rubbish. If WH was truly unhappy, it was his job to do something about it! Each person is responsible for their own happiness. He could have given more to the marriage, taken up a new hobby, read books about how to be a more fulfilled person, gone to a therapist etc.

Instead, he threw away his integrity and values with a messed-up OW. He risked the most important people in his life and became an adulterer. Not exactly a recipe for happiness!


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

(((Momof1girl)))

You can deactivate that account as well. You can always reactivate it later, when things settle down. You need to go dark from both of them except for the phone so he can call your daughter.

She got everything she wants, so why contact you? Because she is an F-ing bully. Unbelievable!!!! THIS is what will eventually make you mad. It will come, and it will be a GOOD thing.

Go dark. I know it's hard, but you must.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Why on earth is your WH going to talk to her??? He should be NC!!! She will get validation if he talks to her. No, no, no!


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

NC is not applicable in this case. WH and OP are together. OP is bullying Momof1girl.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

((momof1girl))

You need to go NC with both of them. Can you block her?

what a f*@king b#*ch!


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 565 | Registered: Mar 2003
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

I would file harrassment charges!

Go see a lawyer and file now!
You need to start painting her in the negative light so you can legally if possible keep her from being around your child!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3180 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Exactly what heartache101 wrote. Exactly!

(((momof1girl))


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Why can't things ever be resolved like they are on tv?


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
angerisme
Member
Member # 37672
Evil  Posted: 8:12 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Good Morning Mom...
I am going to send special prayers to the Gods of Revenge and Karma special for the idiot man and evil woman in your life...HOWEVER let me just say...I would not be too terribly surprised to learn that there is trouble in paradise :P Why else would the selfish cow attack you for no reason whatsoever? Think about it...remember laying in your lover's arms, filled with joy and satisfaction and dreams of the beautiful future together...and then suddenly..."OH WAIT HONEY! LET ME JUST SEND A LITTLE NOTE TO MAKE THIS MOMENT COMPLETE." NOT!!!

haha...I can guarantee you one thing...people ONLY target other people when they themselves are filled with dread and fear. I would be willing to bet there is more than ONE other woman...and OW1 is now getting a bitter taste of OW2....or....he is pining away for you and she knows it.

Enjoy the knowledge that SHE is miserable....and then set your sights on building yourself a great future! Maybe a new job or go to college...start a business...AND NEVER EVER EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT whats his name you used to trust before finding out he is a useless liar and evil manipulator.

KARMA IS AWESOME!!!


Posts: 169 | Registered: Dec 2012
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

I don't know her reason. I just know I was feeling somewhat good yesterday because I got a job that I interviewed for earlier in the day. I couldn't wait to get home and share the info, which was something in and of itself... that I wanted to get home quickly. I came home, grabbed the phone and noticed my FB notification blinking. I went to my computer and saw it was a message in my inbox... and it was her. Immediately, whatever buzz I had was gone. I don't know about trouble in paradise, honestly. I think she was rubbing my face in the fact that he's with her and she's there and I'm not. I'm thousands of miles away and not sure what I'm going to do. The original plan was to work and save up and move back home and our future was going to look brighter. I can't see beyond the black clouds to any kind of future.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Because this ain't Hollywood and people get hurt in real life.

Mom, you shouldn't be talking to your WS if he is living with the OW. All you are doing is feeding the Drama Llamas.

Block both him and her. All inquiries go through a lawyer or are emailed so you have a record of what was said. And if I was you I'd save the email the OW sent you to start building a case against her for harassment.

How High Schoolish of her. What....is she 16?


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
UKgirl
Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Momof1 Ė what IS your situation? Are OW and WH together? Has WH finished the affair? Are you planning reconciliation? If so, does WH still work with OW? What are YOUR future plans?

And gold stars to you for getting the job!!! See? You CAN do it! Well done girl.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3440 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

I don't even know the situation. He and I are still together, just I'm a few thousand miles away. He is also with her and she believes he left me completely for her... This is just one huge mess and leaving the marriage isn't easy. It's an international thing... long story.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

You are not "together" if he is with her.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Exactly!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

I'm not ready to be over and he says he isn't either... but I don't know anything anymore. All I know is I try to be normal for my child when she is here and when she isn't, I lie in bed all day and cry. I feel like this is beyond wounding, this is straight massacre. Her contacting me brought me right back to the bottom of the well.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Hi momof1girl

I just sent you a private message


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

He is also with her and she believes he left me completely for her..

Do you realize this makes you an OW? While I can see the appeal of doing to an OW what they did to us, my dignity would not allow me to..

My advice? Screw that motherfucker. Stand up for yourself. He's with you or he's not. No more of this limbo crap. Personally, I would cut ties and start rebuilding and enjoying my life with my baby.. You deserve so much better than this mindfuck he is serving you.. And your kid does too..

Hugs, and congrats on the job. Keep moving forward..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1991 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
k9lover1
Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Wow, I feel so bad for you. But, you need to face reality and stop holding onto dreams that are no longer real. This is what is real:

1. You and he no longer live together;
2. The OW has moved into his home with him;

That is reality. I don't care if he says he still cares, he is showing you that he does not care about anyone but himself.

Right now you need to cut him loose. Can you really say you love someone who would do this? Maybe you love someone that he USED to be, but he isn't that person any more.

Move on.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8090 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
UKgirl
Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, October 24th (Thursday)

Being apart is no excuse for him to still be with her. Presumably you donít actually know whether or not he is with her. And so you may as well assume that he is. Has he sent a NC letter to her? If not, why not? If he needs a template, I can give you one!! And one directed at a coworker.

The first thing he has to do is write a letter, email it to her and then forward it to you. The next thing is to change his (and your) private cell phone numbers and not only does he does NOT give the numbers to her, he instructs others he does give the number to that they are not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, to let her have the number.

She is trying to manipulate the situation. She wanted to get to you and she has. She is not worth your emotional energy. She's not.

He has to explain to you what he is going to do to show you he wants the marriage and your family. He has to choose. And choose now. And then kick OW into the kerb and make YOU his priority. Which reminds me of a saying: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. You are the one and only Ė or not at all. She has to go. Immediately.

And finally, I think he should come to you this weekend, whatever the cost. Tell him this is far too important to talk about on the phone or the internet.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3440 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

Where I live, if you get two more of those, the police can send her a letter on their letterhead and scare the bejeezes out of her. They said it was three types of contact to involve them, if you wanted to.

It is a contest with Ow, because the one XPervert picked did the same thing when she outed him and he ran right back.

I struggle to remember that these are grown ups making such a mess out of so many lives and treating others so badly.

Sometimes, remembering how juvenile they acted, can help. I do that with Ow in his case and it helps a lot.

And, I don't want any connection whatsoever or to give her validation of existence and if you answer, you will.

That may be good to keep, BTW, for records such as character in case things went to court ever.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

Wow. WTF. My first guess is that there may be trouble in skittle shitting paradise where ever they are.

However,
I really am so sorry. And I do know how crappy and hard this is.

You have all the power to end this right now. You've given him permission to fence sit and keep you as his backup. I'm sorry if I'm too strong, but experience is screaming at me to give you a stern talking to. Stop reading any time.

Here is a road map. Your choice to follow, modify or ignore it.

1. Open your own account and fund it with everything you have & can find.
2. Cancel your joint credit cards after applying for your own. (Unless he's paying them, then I would take a VERY sizable cash advance for household and child care needs.)
3. Go to an attorney, find out what rights you have. Just become informed, you are not filing.
4. Stop all contact with both of them. Yesterday!
5. His things, outside. If you want, give him a box of hefty bags. Do not pack for him. He's a big boy playing house with a girlfriend.

You are letting him have choices. Married men don't get girlfriends. Period.
Until you feed him a dose of reality that is his life without you, he will keep you in this stage for a very long time, or leave you.
Also, if he comes back when he's done playing house, he will do this again to you.

He's made enough choices for you without your knowledge, he no longer gets to do this. Draw your line, and do not waiver.
Sometimes, letting them go and moving on is what saves a marriage in this situation.
I do hope so, for you. (((Hugs)))

PS
What Butterfly Girl said!

[This message edited by fourever at 2:12 PM, October 24th (Thursday)]


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

Welcome to the club that no one ever wanted to join.

I am going to lay a few things out for you, because you seem completely lost and overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and probably not thinking very clearly at this moment. If this comes out as harsh, it is only because you need to take control of this situation, and stop being a victim. You have to do that to care for your daughter who needs her Mom very much, and shouldn't have to be faced with Mommy being sick/sad.

1. Go to your Dr. Go now. Go to an emergency room, and free clinic anything where you can get medical care. Explain your situation that you spouse is having an A, and that you are completely overwhelmed by all of it, and that you have not slept in a month. Get some meds. You need to be able to sleep and eat. Also have some idea of how much weight you have lost. This is putting a huge strain on you physically, and if you don't stop it you will end up in the hospital, and that is not where you want to be.

2. After going to the Dr and getting some sleep, you need to go to a lawyer, and find out what your legal rights are in this situation. Your spouse has basically abandonded you. You don't want a D, I get that, no one does, but honey he has given you zero options here, other than living in misery, or filing. You don't have to file, but you do need to know what your rights are.
You will get some strength from this too.

3. Let your family know what is going on, allow them to help you, and support you. It's ok. No one gets through this shitstorm alone, and given your set of circumstances, and your strong physical reaction you need help right now.

4. Go to the store, and get some Ensure, or Special K protein shakes, Gatorade, or other sports drink. Part of your physical symptoms come from the fact that your body is not getting proper nutrition. This too keeps your brain from working right.

5. Get MAD. This Asshole, the guy that is supposed to be a great father, and spouse has sent you away because of 'financial' reasons, only to turn around and play the dating game with some other woman?!? Seriously, and now he has the audacity to tell you he loves you both? FTG he loves no one but himself, and only has his self intrests in mind. He wants to play the fun game of Dad, and Boyfriend, and Husband, but you are not going to allow that, YOU do not deserve this abuse, and it is abuse. YOU are a Queen, and your kingdom can survive just fine without a King, and certainly without a King that is really just a joker. DO NOT TRY TO NICE HIM BACK. THIS DOES NOT WORK. Ask any of us who have BTDT. You need to dig in your closet and find your Red Leather Stiletto, Silver Studded, Platform Bitch boots and put those suckers on and take control of this situation NOW. If you don't you are only allowing him to continue to hurt you.

Listen this sucks, it's painful as hell, but the winners in this game are the Betrayed Spouses that get their shit together, and start putting their and their childrens needs first. Your daughter does NOT need to think that this is normal, or what a marriage is all about. Get mad for her. You can do this. Oh and when that Bitch contacts you again, you best be ready to send her your own personal version of an No Contact Letter.

Please do these things for your daughter and yourself.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

It's complicated. A lot. See, there is the issue of this being international. He is Canadian, our daughter is Canadian and I am American. The Family lawyers down here are telling me it's the jurisdiction of the Ontario Family Court and the Ontario Family Court is telling me to contact a lawyer, the lawyer is telling me that it's the jurisdiction of the state she is currently residing in. It's a huge wheel of nothingness. When I first found out, my mom and my counselor suggested I make a rough draft of a custody/separation agreement. I balked at the idea, but slowly started working on something. I haven't looked at it since October 10 and I honestly don't want to look at it right now.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

You are getting great advice ((mom))....please start taking it - a little at a time starting with your diet and sleep.

Also...Can you post on Other Topics? ie: Need legal advice re: Cdn/US custody?


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
whattheh
Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

You should definitely see an atty or free legal aid clinic soon given the citizenship issues. Perhaps there is a way they can help you to get US citizenship for your daughter if that works better for you and her...

I'm very sorry about your situation.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

Mom....as much as you don't want to do this you HAVE to get a custody agreement hammered out in writing and legalize it.

You know what the worse-case scenario is and if nothing is legalized about custody for your baby she could spend the rest of her life in Canada (not saying it's a bad thing, but the McKenzie Brothers ).

You can't be the ostrich and put your head in the sand and ignore what's happening. This is life; this is real; people will get hurt and things will get ugly.

Time to pull your Bitch Boots on and hitch up your Big Girl panties and deal with this.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Rabecca
Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

Like the others are saying, don't give the OW the satisfaction by responding. You have to start taking care of yourself, not only for you but for your poor daughter. She not only has a jerk Dad, she has to see her mother suffer so. Show her what a strong woman can do. Stop letting yourself be the victim. The pain is not going to just go away. You have to choose to not let it rule you. As soon as I decided to do the 180 and try to think about me I felt an immediate relief. It is not easy but it is worth trying.


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, October 24th (Thursday)

You're only 33years with 1 child. You can start again. Don't let yourself stay in this misery any longer. You will regret it!


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 332 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 2:12 AM, October 25th (Friday)

You're only 33years with 1 child. You can start again.

Yes, I am only 33 with one child... but I believe I can't have more kids. I was told that the way my daughter was positioned in the womb and the way I had to deliver her caused my uterus to tilt. My WH and I were having unprotected (read, no birth control) sex for the past 3 years with no pregnancy. He did, however, get the OW pregnant (she miscarried a few days after finding out). I did find that yesterday, I didn't feel any pain for a good 15-30 minutes. Like, I functioned a little and out of the whole 24 days since this has happened, I stopped crying for that 15-30 minutes... I still don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, but perhaps I can take the few minutes of feeling nothing and use it like a blanket.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, October 25th (Friday)

Mom of 1. It is time for you stop wallowing and start moving.

You have to take care of yourself and your daughter. I know this hurts horribly, but it could be worse in so many ways.

Please pull yourself up. See a different attorney, one that knows something about international law.

Oh and about her being pregnant and losing it, this is the oldest trick in the book when an AP feels their WS may be leaning toward going back to their wife. Please keep this in mind.

What do you really know abouut things?
1. Your H is a liar who lies
2. Your H is NOT putting his wife and family first.
3. Your H is more concerned about this OW than you or his daughter.

Things you know about you.
1. You are in a tough spot
2. You did just get a job, and need to get your act together so you can start to earn money to support yourself and your daughter
3. As a US resident you should be able to get some assistance with things like housing, food, and even legal support. Get on the net and find out how.
4. If you don't step up and put yourself and your daughter first no one else will. She needs you right now.

YOu can do this, you will make it through this, and you need to start focusing on you and your daughter.

Again - If you are not sleeping and eating talk to your Dr immediately. These two things combined are a recipe for unclear thinking, and will paralyze you with fear on the What If's.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
UKgirl
Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, October 25th (Friday)

Try asking for help in Divorce/Separation. There may well be someone clued up on your situation. If there was a way to get married, there is a way to get divorced.

Meanwhile, take heed of what has been said here. Look after yourself. If your WH has moved in with OW, then that is not acceptable and proceed to separate yourself from him. Show him what divorce looks like. Put up the shutters and deal with only the necessary arrangements. This cannot be an impossible case, you just need some guidance to get yourself out of this sorry mess.

This does not bode well. The only way you and your WH can save the marriage is for him to come home and sort things out with you. If heís not going to do that, then polish up your bitch boots and keep one step (or ten) ahead of the game. Knowledge is power. Do some research and ask for help from any and all sources.

Read through some of the posts here Ė you have been given some start point already. And do not respond in any way to OW. Pick yourself up, dry your tears and make some lists. And then prioritise. And then act. Do it. Now. As each day goes by, the chance for reconciliation gets less. Assume the worst.

Donít let them push your buttons. You are better than this and you deserve respect. So start by forgiving yourself and awarding yourself for getting this far. Each day you will move a tiny step forward and the pain will become less. You have your integrity intact, they donít. You have your honesty, they donít. You have strength and courage and you must pull that up and use it as your shield.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3440 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 36