SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: letting go
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, October 25th (Friday)

Saw this on baggage reclaim via facebook:

How many of us can relate?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 25th (Friday)

Yup...definitely understand this

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, October 25th (Friday)

Sign me up.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, October 25th (Friday)

Yeppers!

It didn't feel like it at the time but his A was my free pass to get out of a shitty M. It wasn't shitty because of all of his Affairs, it was shitty because of his wayward mindset included emotional abuse as well as the abuse of infidelity.

He was the ideal man for the first 2-3 years. It was enormously difficult for me to accept that he acted for so long - enormously difficult for me to accept that I was not only holding on to nothing but also hurting myself by holding on.

The man I thought I married and had children with never existed, why was I waiting around for him to 'come back'?


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5448 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, October 25th (Friday)

It's amazing how different things look when you are looking back.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, October 25th (Friday)

I can definitely relate. When this all went down I wanted desperately to hold on to our marriage because we put 10 F*king YEARS into it and had 3 children who were going to have their lives turned upside down for nothing.

As the real Ex became clearer and clearer and I began to learn that everything about him was a lie (I consider our marriage a long con), it became easier to let go. Fighting to maintain an illusion was obviously not the best course of action for my children and myself.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 25th (Friday)

Time is showing how true that is for me. The man I thought ex-shat was was an ideal he aspired to be. That person never actually existed but because we both believed that someday he would exist, we muddled on in our hellacious co-dependency.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4559 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, October 26th (Saturday)

"Time is showing how true that is for me. The man I thought ex-shat was was an ideal he aspired to be. That person never actually existed but because we both believed that someday he would exist, we muddled on in our hellacious co-dependency."

this is my exact scenario. i went around in circles with him for a yr because of what he claimed he would do. words are not actions tho. and so we kept spinning.

and this
"Fighting to maintain an illusion was obviously not the best course of action for my children and myself"
after my last ex cheated i stayed in the mode of wanting this "illusion" of marriage and being one with someone. even tho it was destroying my soul. I was hanging onto MOMENTS of happiness I had with him. not the overall. But I also had to go thru it to learn to be more, accept and grow.

perhaps this is why Im not willing to stay in a relationship for the what ifs and the maybe it could be betters.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 10:03 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 677 | Registered: Mar 2008
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 27th (Sunday)

Time is showing how true that is for me.

I agree. It took me some time to realize there was nothing there.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Topic Posts: 9