New Beginnings
User Topic: I am So Lonely
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 26th (Saturday)

I hate to admit it but it's true. I am SO lonely.

I have great friends a supportive family and live in one of the greatest, most active cities in the world. But the smallest things sometimes can bring me down.

I'm happy with myself and my life but damn I just miss having someone. Why is it so hard to meet a good decent person? Seriously? Last night, I was chatting with someone at the bar. We had a great conversation about life, books, etc. I feel like I really connected with him and we were chatting for like an hour. Then he goes to the bathroom and I'm waiting, and finally I'm like, ok I guess I'll go to the bathroom too, and then I see he's talking to another girl, lol. And not to brag, but ahem, you left this to talk to that???


It's not a big deal and I'm not taking it that seriously, but I hate feeling rejected, ya know? I always feel like I'm just not good enough and I wonder if I'll ever find what I really want and always thought I would have - a real connection with someone that I could have as my partner.

Just a downer kinda mood. I came home and ate pizza thinking "F** it, no one's gonna see me naked for awhile anyhow" lol.

I would get a dog because BOY do I miss mine, but I travel for work and this city is expensive enough without a dog walker. Like everything else, having a dog is just easier when you have a partner. Maybe I'll just make it work anyhow. I just miss that unconditional love, ya know?

Sorry for being a grump munch.

[This message edited by Confused1829 at 11:53 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]

Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

Sending big hugs, Confused.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

So sorry Confused..I totally understand. I often feel the same way. I feel like I am the only one alone some times and wonder what is wrong with me. But...there is nothing wrong with us, we just haven't met the right person. Hard to believe it sometimes but that is what I keep telling myself!

Hugs to you. Do something extra nice for yourself today.

PS...sometimes I wish I lived in the city (I'm about an hour outside NYC) so much to do...I love it!!

Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

I understand this feeling completely. Sorry that you have struggle with this.

There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

Confused, boy can I relate. It takes me back to last Thanksgiving when I was driving to my sister's house for dinner. Ever car I passed had a couple or family. It made me cry. Dogs can be such great company. My 6 yr old dog died of cancer one month before XWH left. I felt so alone. I decided that I would accept having to pay for extra kennel time and dog walker fees to have the companionship. I'm so glad I did. If you decide to go that route just make sure you have a friendly dog so neighbors or friends/family can let them out. Unfortunately the dog I adopted has people issues but we're working on that. Puts a damper on bringing a date home.

Just know you are not alone, we are all here with you. Hugs

Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 27th (Sunday)

I've been feeling the same, Confused. It just fucking sucks. You never realized before just how many things are nicer or easier with a partner.

Believe it or not, some men are quite intimidated by awesomeness in women. I keep telling myself that the same is true of some women.

That's the problem: We're just too fucking cool!

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Just a downer kinda mood. I came home and ate pizza thinking "F** it, no one's gonna see me naked for awhile anyhow" lol.

This is too funny lol I am sorry you feel like this but I do understand . Dealing with the rejections or my perceived rejections is just a constant blow to the already screwed up ego. My therapist says I need to stop comparing the woman I meet to my ex. She says I need to look for more depth and values , but my ex was a real knockout and we were together for 19 years since high school , sometimes I think maybe I am a shallow ass--- but there has to be some physical attraction? I will keep on keeping on I guess . Good luck to you , I know exactly how you feel.

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Thanks guys

I think that's the problem, we're just too awesome!!

I have noticed, that the 'needier' some people are, the easier it is for them to date - but I don't want that because I'm not needy! My life is awesome as is, I don't need someone to validate it. I do think it's easier for women and men at times to date someone that they believe 'needs' them. It's 'easier' and risks less rejection, helping to fuel that confidence, ya know? So I do believe that some people are just intimidated by others that are fully independent and confident on their own.

Not saying that's always the case when things don't work out for me, but of course I would LIKE to believe that

And you're right Thefly599, you have to have some kind of physical attraction. It won't take you all the way, there certainly has to be some depth, but you can't fake being attracted to someone! If it's not there, it's just not there. That's a problem I have too, I'm just not that attracted to many people.. I'm either too picky, or asexual. Oh well!

Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I can totally relate, except I live in a tiny (population maybe 800) village where it is pretty much impossible to meet anyone. Tried online and did have a 7 month long distance rebound that was almost worse than my marriage experience (he was married and I didn't know!!). I agree its lonely and I so badly miss my dog that I am trying to find a house so that I can get her back.

I have always been extremely independent and my career is on fire, I have financial stability and I definitely think I turn off men because I don't "need" them. I watch a girl I work with out meeting guys and she seems to have them lining up for her! Single mom, needy, etc... the guys just fall at her feet, the most recent knew her two days and is taking her on a huge trip to Cuba!!

But you know what the difference is? That is not me. I am a strong person, opinionated at times and I can hold my own. I am not ashamed of that. I already lost who I was in my marriage by conforming to what I thought he wanted in a woman (that didn't work too well LOL). Now that I am getting back to who I really am I am not willing to give myself up. I either need a man who accepts me as I am or I will stay single forever. I do feel lonely and wish I had that companionship but I also have an awesome network of great friends, my coworkers feel like family, I have a great family and I do full filling volunteer work. My life certainly is far from empty. My hopes is that in the right time the right person will come into my life to be my partner. I now live by my signature "and this, above all, to thine own self be true"

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I know exactly how you feel, and it's crappy :(

I kid you not, every single flipping car I saw on Saturday had a couple in it. It was like I was being taunted.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Yep. I'm at this point also.

I absolutely dread the holidays because I'll spend them completely alone. Ugh.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, October 28th (Monday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25729 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, October 28th (Monday)


Me too. I think we're getting into that time of year, unfortunately. But we're all here for you, and for each other. Keep posting! We're here and listening and ALL of us know exactly how you feel.

Some of us are feeling the same as you, and even better, some of us have been here and gotten beyond it.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Great idea Amazonia! We can be our own little support group. Hugs to everyone feeling lonely!

Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 14