SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Do your kids know when your antiversary is?
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

Hi Friends,

October makes one year from my dday and when stbx walked out. I was pretty darn proud of myself for making it through as if it was any other day. BUT I swear it is as if both my kids, DS14 and DD18, consciously or unconsciously know/feel that it's been one year and they are REALLY struggling. My DD18 who is on the spectrum and has multiple mental health issues starting having "psychotic episodes" which has never happened. My DS14 had a plan to commit suicide last week. The doctors, therapists and myself are doing all we can to stabilize them. They all feel that the anti-versary might have something to do with it but of course I will never know for sure.

This made me wonder if your children "sense" anti-versarys and if you noticed unusual behaviors or conversations.

I HATE the fallout of infidelity. Our kids are innocent casualties. I WISH people considering betraying their spouses and family could read our stories and get their heads out of their fucking selfish asses.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

Mine have no clue. I'm so sorry that your precious babies apparently do. (((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9822 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

I think they do know. Remember that it is an antiversary for them too -- when Dad left. Its not Dday in the sense we use around here, but its a Dday for them too in a way.

{{hugs}} to your babies. And you too.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

DS21 knows. Right around the antiversary time last August, we were talking and he blurted out something about it. It was really obvious he was still mad about it, and it broke my heart to see him triggering.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

Thank you for the hugs! I appreciate it

inconnu: I know what you mean by having your heart break when your child is triggering.

I wonder if it's "healthy" to bring it up and open it up for discussion? I try to put myself in their shoes and I don't know if I would want to be reminded every year?


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

My boys have been really reluctant to talk about their dad and the divorce with me. DS18 spend a couple of years being angry with the world, and it's just been in the past year or so he has become more open to talking. We had a really good conversation last weekend, and this time, when I brought up the idea of seeing a counselor, he didn't immediately blow me off.

DS21 decided to take the approach of avoidance. I'm really beginning to see the signs of how well that's not working for him, with the antiversary triggering being a really big sign. So far, he remains closed to the idea of seeing a counselor, although I know it would be a good idea for him. But, it's only going to be beneficial if he's willing, kwim?

So, I mostly wait until they bring it up, but lately I've done more mentioning of their dad than I used to, because I think they need to know it is okay to talk about him around me.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Topic Posts: 6