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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: I just don't get it.
Darcy3
New Member
Member # 39696
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, October 26th (Saturday)

Why do they both continue to lie. My stbxh has done nothing but lie and lie from the day I found out right up to today, and so does ow.

Little back ground, she lives a couple hours away from me...thank god for that...but I have never met her and have only spoken to her once.

To start off, they have been living together for months before he finally tells me. For all those months before, he is telling me that he isn't seeing anyone and is staying with a friend. Why lie about it? He knew I still had hope that we would be able to work things out, even though he said he didn't want to. If he would have told me the truth I would have been done, and that's what he said he wanted so why not just tell me?

After finding this site and reading a lot on here, I realized that I should have contacted OBS when I had found out about the affair....Understand that I was told by both of them that OBS knew about the affair and that they had been separated since the beginning of the year and were in fact getting a divorce....um no. I was also told be my stbxh that she was on her second marriage...um no.

It took me awhile to figure out who the OBS was...after finding out that she was on husband #3, not #2 I was able to figure out who he was. I contacted him to apologize for not contacting him when I found out and letting him know that if he still had any unanswered questions I would tell him what I knew....he did not know about the affair, they were not getting a divorce and though they were currently separated he did not know that my stbxh and his wife were living together and had been since they separated, which was not at the first of the year as I was told.

He contacts his wife and she denies that she is living with stbxh and continues to do so for a couple of weeks, and then tells him it isn't what it seems.

STBXH contacts me pissed that I contacted OBS and was very adamant in telling me that they had been separated for 9 months and OBS knows about everything...um no. I tell him that if that was true then why is stbxh calling me?

OBS did tell me that ow lies a lot also and that when they started dating she told him that she was divorced, and he found out some time later that she was in fact not divorced, just separated from her then 2nd husband.

I honestly don't get what game they are playing? But I do know that they are both going to be divorced soon. Both stbxh and ow were served papers last week.



Me = BS
Him = WS
3 teenagers
Married 24 years
D-Day: Nov. 10, 2012
Divorced

Posts: 45 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

I have no wisdom to share with you. No answer that can explain why people lie like this. I'm so sorry. It sends your head spinning, that's for sure, when you finally SEE the lies.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

I hear you, Darcy. The Princess will still admit to no wrongdoing. I was the one who did the bad thing by DISCOVERING her extra-curriculars. She has done nothing wrong, even though I had proof.

I don't expect these lies to ever stop, and so will probably never be disappointed. But I sure am pissed!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Darcy3
New Member
Member # 39696
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

What hurts the most is that by telling me all these lies it shows me just how little I, and these last 25 yrs. meant to him....it feels like it's all just a game to them.


Me = BS
Him = WS
3 teenagers
Married 24 years
D-Day: Nov. 10, 2012
Divorced

Posts: 45 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

It's insulting is what it is. I'm not a moron. It's infuriating and insulting to know that STBX thought so little of me, thought so little of my intelligence, that he believed he could carry on forever fooling me. How could he think I was that dumb? How could he be so arrogant?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

It's insulting is what it is. I'm not a moron. It's infuriating and insulting to know that STBX thought so little of me, thought so little of my intelligence, that he believed he could carry on forever fooling me. How could he think I was that dumb? How could he be so arrogant?

Ditto. That is what truly boggles my mind...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1019 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

The Gnat lied about everything and continues to lie. I don't get it. At this point, I'm so disinterested in his personal life that it really doesn't matter. He continues to lie though. I don't think they know how to do anything other than lie.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 869 | Registered: Mar 2013
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

I don't think they know how to do anything other than lie.

We have a winner. Sadly.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

It's insulting is what it is. I'm not a moron. It's infuriating and insulting to know that STBX thought so little of me, thought so little of my intelligence, that he believed he could carry on forever fooling me. How could he think I was that dumb? How could he be so arrogant?

NG, I have said that to my STBX many times. I think he must have got high on the control and secrecy.

Darcy, soon they will only have each other to lie to. I'm sure the affair is fueled by the drama. But that is about to disappear, to be replaced by a pile of bills.

It was my STBX lying to me six weeks ago that pushed me to divorce. It wasn't even really what he was lying about. It was just one lie too far.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
thenon-goddess
Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

They continue to lie because to amend the story a this point would be admitting to lying and admitting to lying would be admitting to doing something wrong and they can't be wrong. Ever.

And as to why he didn't just tell you from the beginning - simple: keeping you on the hook ensured that he had a back up plan if t were not to work out with his whore. My ex did the same thing.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
Darcy3
New Member
Member # 39696
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, October 27th (Sunday)

NG, you are right....it is extremely insulting!!! I am not stupid either. It may have took me awhile to believe that he could be that big of a POS, but I knew that they were living together long before he told me....I just didn't want to believe it, but once I stared to really look, the rest was there to see.

His lies are not even very good, but what that idiot doesn't understand is that I chose to believe his lies....I now no longer choose to do that!

I am in fact very smart and now that I am not letting my emotions completely control my thinking.....still working on that, but thanks to this site I am getting better....he is going to remember just how smart I am.

Think he might have even started to realize that fact when he read the divorce papers


Me = BS
Him = WS
3 teenagers
Married 24 years
D-Day: Nov. 10, 2012
Divorced

Posts: 45 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 11