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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Sweats in Court?
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, October 28th (Monday)

In a couple of days I have to go to court re: modification of cs/ss due STBXH losing his job. I just had MAJOR surgery 2 weeks ago. Dr advised not going, but I have no lawyer and cannot afford one, so I will go.

Problem is I have always been taught you show court respect by wearing business (nice) clothing. Due to the surgery I can't fit into my clothes yet (swollen around my body) and the thought of putting on heals to go with any of my clothes gives me the shakes. So I think I will have to wear sweats.

Should I mention to the judge my dilemma. That I wanted to show respect to the courts, but just could not wear anything but sweats?

I don't want to get on the bad side of any judge.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, October 28th (Monday)

Could you buy/borrow a loose-fitting dress instead? I'm thinking of a long, drapey dress, or even a sleeveless shell that you can then put a jacket or cardigan over. Not too dressy, but definitely better than sweats. You could then also get away with wearing flat shoes.
I think sweats would be a bad idea and you dont want to start off giving a bad impression.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, October 28th (Monday)

Most definitely do not wear sweats to court. Not even fancy sweats. I agree, you need to wear a loose-fitting dress that you can put a jacket over, plus nice, dressy flat shoes. There is nothing you could say or do which would overcome the bad impression of showing up in sweats, yoga clothes, or anything of the like.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, October 28th (Monday)

Your doctor recommended you not go. I would ask for a continuance (or whatever a delay of game is called in court) based on medical reasons. Call the clerks office and explain the situation and ask to reschedule.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 28th (Monday)

I can't ask for continuance, the other lawyer says she will go and ask for continuance, but in the meantime she is going to ask for mod to STBXH ss/cs. I can't afford to get no $ and I have heard from 2 other lawyers that his attorney will lie. So I have to be there because if I am not there she can have things decided.

I have no one I can borrow clothes from. Most of my friends are much shorter than I.

I can't shop for anything. And the styles that would work, are not my styles so I have none in my closet.

Crap, I wonder if I can put together a toga out of a sheet and say I am ready for Halloween.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, October 28th (Monday)

Go to Goodwill or another resale shop and find something that will work that is more appropriate.

If you spend more than $20 I'd be shocked.

You can then donate them back.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I agree with Ajsmom.
Goodwill or another local thrift store should have SOMEthing you can wear and at a very affordable price.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, October 28th (Monday)

If you spend more than $20 I'd be shocked.

Even $20 would be steep - I just picked up a new dress for my DD there. It still had the tags on it. It was GW priced at $4.99 and marked half off of that so I paid a whopping $2.50 for a new dress.

I saw flowy summer dresses on clearance last week at Wal-Mart as well for $5.00. Pair it with a jacket (if you are in a cooler climate) and you are good to go or no-jacket if you are in a warmer area.

I definitely would not show up in court wearing sweats.

I understand money is a huge issue; but you really can't afford not to look respectful of the system.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I got all my maternity gear from Goodwill, all of it in very good condition. Buy a loose maternity dress, most of them have adjustable waists.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Some churches have clothes closets for just this very reason. Also, women's resource centers at colleges also have clothes closets for this purpose.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Later
Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Figure out something else to wear besides sweats. Many judges will admonish you in open court for wearing attire that is not appropriate.

And, unfair as it may be, once a judge gets angry with someone over something like that they often stay angry and it can reflect in their rulings.


Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
neverdidithink
Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Must Survive, what size dress do you think would fit you right now? What is the current climate there? I'm sure we SIers can pull togther and find a solution for you.

[This message edited by neverdidithink at 1:47 PM, October 28th (Monday)]


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 320 | Registered: Sep 2013
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Thanks you guys. I think I have a solution. I have a bunch of clothes that were in garage ready for Goodwill(so many mentioned Goodwill, it was like a lightbulb moment). In the stack is a dress that I no longer wear (too big, and didn't like). It has a belt (must remove because too tight). I can wear it with a pair of flats and I should be ok. Not going to be happy wearing nylons (ouch), but way better than sweats.

Thanks everyone. You guys are my go-to-peeps!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Nylons aren't necessary. In fact, no one wears them anymore, or so I'm told. If you want, you can wear "trouser socks", which are just thin nylon-like or tights-like knee socks. Those are often long enough to serve the purpose of smoothing your foot in your shoe as well as being a modest covering for your leg.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Nylons aren't necessary. In fact, no one wears them anymore, or so I'm told.
I agree. Don't worry about nylons at all.
I'm so glad you found something.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, October 28th (Monday)

One thing that bailed me out in pregnancy -as opposed to sweats-was yoga pants. You can doctor them up with nice shirts and kind of make up your own style. They have long ones or capri style and that was what I lived in when my stomach or back couldn't stand other clothing.

They have black ones an navy too and if you did say black shoes and socks and then a nice shirt, you'd be good to go.

When I was a legal secretary, I saw some amazing outfits in court, from workers to public.

A few times I saw someone wear a dark plain t shirt with a short blazer, for a top, and it went off fine.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 4:22 PM, October 28th (Monday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, October 28th (Monday)

No need for Nylons. I haven't seen anyone wear them in years. Do they even still sell them? I don't see them in the stores anymore.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Agreed, don't bother with nylons. In fact if you insisted I'd say good luck finding them. Last time I did I had to search about 10 department stores. Few places even carry them, LOL.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Topic Posts: 18