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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: first post and wary
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I have read on this section for months, starting and deleting posts because of a wariness that I may not be welcome here. Perhaps that is foolish but I see so many names here I don't see anywhere else and so much pain I'm not sure if a wayward would be welcome as well as a betrayed, madhatter or not. I'm going to try to get over that wariness now. SO and I are separated. After my A and his subsequent A he has admitted that I have made him feel safe while he has done nothing but continuously try to do damage to me. We are still living together while I try to get my money right and in the mean time I feel torn apart watching him get dressed up, cologne on and look good to go to a bar. It hurts like a knife to the heart to know he still talks to the woman he fell in love with 8 yrs ago and has loved throughtout our relationship (he says no but she gets mentioned as his biggest regret multiple times throughout the yrs...I think part of me always knew). She has a boyfriend now but how much do you care about him if meeting up with the man you once loved is worth it.

I'm working on me through all this too. Not sure what I'm looking for in this post. Maybe just a hello and a dipping of my toe into this part of site.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, October 28th (Monday)

I've seen a lot of your posts and can feel your pain radiating through them, while I can't speak for anyone else, I just wanted to say welcome to s&d and I'm here to offer support if I can. You have my admiration for being willing to take the risk of posting and working through your impending divorce and all the emotions surrounding it while still working on the issues that brought you to this site in the first place.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 28th (Monday)

hi unagie! welcome to D/S. I've read a lot of your posts. I'm so sorry you're hurting, but I know you're doing the hard work to heal and change yourself. Don't ever forget that you are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12167 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Welcome, Unagie. ((((hugs))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, October 28th (Monday)

My only wariness about you is that you might post a picture of a spider here. I can't do spider pictures, not even in jest.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, October 28th (Monday)

(((Unagie)))

I am here.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, October 28th (Monday)

(((Unagie)))

Pain is pain. Finding your way through the current situation is what we are all here for.

I don't know that "welcome" is the right word. But take a seat, put your feet up and have a vent, a cry, hollar FTG! with the rest of us.

You will be okay.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, October 28th (Monday)

ps, and a complete t/j - every time I see your username, I read it as the Un-Aggie. I think I've been in Texas too long.

(for those not in Texas or not into college football, the Aggies are Texas A&M)


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12167 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Thanks for the warm welcome .

Caregiver you're right pain is pain no matter what, I appreciate those words.

NG no worries, I keep my spider pics confined to F&G and I never expected that thread to take off lol, my cuteness thread only got 7 pages .

Inconnu my name is just a user name my brother came up with when I was 15 and we watched Friends with Ross saying unagie wasn't sushi, and was a state of total awareness.

Betrayedfriend, NIK, Thren thanks for the welcome.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Unagie, welcome. Please feel open and comfortable to share. While this forum is primarily populated by the BS, that doesn't mean you aren't welcome. You will be supported.

So please pull up a chair at the table. Sip from the glass of compassion. Sample from the plate of experience.

Oh, and "unagie" is the Japanese word for freshwater eel. There is a special day in early summer where eel is served to give strength to suffer through the hot days to come. Interesting, eh?


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Welcome, unagie. I always thought of the friends episode when I saw your name. Lol

Don't be shy- when I found SI, I was already divorced, so this was my first forum- kinda like home.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
jackie89
Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Welcome Unagie!


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 511 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Thank you all again for your welcome.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, October 28th (Monday)

A friend just FB'd me a funny spider meme and I thought of you. LOL


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, October 28th (Monday)

NG I actually snorted while laughing about that one lol.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, October 28th (Monday)

Just FYI, Unagie. D/S is a *spider-free* zone. Just sayin'

Honey, you are totally welcome down here. Your WBF absolutely and totally meets the FTG criterion.

-----I canNOT believe that you are still living with this guy----****I'm passing you some of my armor*****


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8090 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I've read your posts over at Wayward and always appreciated how you respond and supported other WS.

It was very brave of you to wander her to D/S so that says something about you. I'm sorry that you are here but you will be in good hands.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Welcome. We have quite a few madhatters in here.

An important distinction that can be lost sometimes is that we are anti Unremorseful WS, not anti-WS. The Wayward forum is pretty anti-Unremorseful WS too, BTW.

There's s BS fog too - that time where we are so busy feeling hurt and in shock that we tolerate an unbelievable amount of bullshit.

she gets mentioned as his biggest regret multiple times throughout the yrs...I think part of me always knew

^^THIS is emotional abuse. I would be very surprised if this wayward mindset didn't result in a PA with this woman or some other low-hanging fruit long you became aware of his cheating.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Wait! It's not Un-Aggie??

You're an SI member; you belong in any forum you chose (provided you're allowed ) Shit; I've been D for 2.5 years, no residual attachment to the X, but I'm here frequently.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Unagie - you're remorseful and that makes a world of difference. You've done and are still doing the hard work on you. Personally, even if you weren't a MH, I'd be comfortable with you being on here,especially having read your posts in wayward.

But as a remorseful WS who was then betrayed, you also understand much of our pain.

I'm so sorry you're joining us here. ((hugs))


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1065 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

You guys are great. Thank you again. I am happy I reached out today.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Nobody called for a vote, and I know that there are cross posters in multiple forums, but D/S has always been my first real home and my fall back for times of need. D/S is full of the most awesome, supportive, foul mouthed, creative, wonderful people EVER!

Welcome to the bunch.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Hi Unagie.

I read many of your posts in WW, too. I very, very rarely post there, but do read.

I'm sorry you're stuck due to $$$. Sounds like a living hell. :(


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I've posted in here a time or two and no one chased me out with a pitchfork.

In all seriousness, I'm sorry things are shitty for you right now. ((hugs))


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2232 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Hi Unagie, and welcome. I think a lot of us have forums that feel the most comfortable, and entering a new one can be scary. I just started posting a little in NB. Every time I read over there it seemed like the members were light years ahead of me... but I'm a little braver now and everyone has been very kind. D/S is still "home" to me though; not sure when (or if) that will change.

As previously mentioned, pain is pain, and no one should have to suffer alone. Hugs to you in your struggle.

((unagie))


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 919 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Hi Unagie. These are a pretty great group of people here. You'll have some fun and get lots of great support


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Needs more swearing.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Needs more swearing.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
KickedintheGut
Member
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Nah, the swearing always goes haywire every time NG ends up with a garage thread


Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2010
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Shit. Ass. Bitch. Attorneys.

Just trying to ramp up the bad words


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

Welcome!


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2715 | Registered: Jan 2010
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

((((Unagie))) you're safe--and welcome--here.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8857 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Welcome, no need for wariness . Definitely a need for a potty mouth, somewhat macabre humour and righteous indignation at fucktards.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Oh! Oh! Hey, this forum newbie may not know about The Garage yet. Lordy, I may finally be all done in the next month with that friggin' garage. Who knows, I may yet find another cache of sick, perverted, twisted shit. Or maybe I'll finally find the body or bloody knife.

You've missed some good times, Unagie. Good times.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Oh no NG I've read about the garage. Its been greeted with its fair share of out loud exclamations on my end.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I don't live here and I know allllll about the garage.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17861 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Oh my! Such infamy!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I'm just sorry that your pain makes for such gripping storytelling.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17861 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Hey Unagie, welcome to D/S. I hope you are treating your current living situation like in-house S. 180 the heck out of your EX and get a plan in place to leave. In-house S can be like a prison sentence and it's tough. If your EX thinks you are still friends then be prepared for some stupidity to come your way especially as you get closer to moving out. Keep posting and keep working your plan to move out and forward with your life.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Thank you guys, i'm going to need the support.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

How can I learn to respect where he is in the process and not sell myself short in the meantime? I've woken up to what I want out of a relationship and he's not giving it to me.

Hate to T/J but I always read your name as unangie. I assumed your name was Angie and you being on SI wasn't who you thought you'd be. Lol woopies!?


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

sodamnlost i am cracking up. The statement you posted pretty much sums me up.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

It's interesting what guides us each to post in certain forums - I still feel intimidated by F&G, silly as that sounds, lol.

This was my first thought:

Unagie, welcome. Please feel open and comfortable to share. While this forum is primarily populated by the BS, that doesn't mean you aren't welcome. You will be supported.
So please pull up a chair at the table. Sip from the glass of compassion. Sample from the plate of experience.

I don't even post as much here now, but I think you are a welcome addition.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 43