SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: Why am I trying so hard?
Trying2Survive1
Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

I made the discovery accidentally. He confessed to that, and now I
wonder, at first i was on fire to reclaim him as mine. Now, he seems indifferent. who has changed here?


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)

You both have changed. You are in pain and hurtng beyond belief. Take your time. It's a roller coaster ride for many, many months to come.
I don't know if your WS is feeling remorse or what, but believe me, you both have changed. Just breath and try to eat and exercise. Funny how the basic necessities of life now come into focus - something we never thought about but now have to remember just so we can physically survive.
You will get through this over time....."time" - such a small word - such a huge meaning. But, you will start to feel better - small steps.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 5:08 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1007 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
annb
Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)

You are trying because you truly want to save your marriage...but it takes TWO.

What your WH needs to do is step up to the plate and give you everything you need to get through this nightmare....NC with OW, honesty, transparency, answering all your questions, access to phone, etc. Anything you feel YOU need to move forward.

Is he willing to do these things?

You have both changed, and in reality, both of you will never be the same.

Take one day at a time, take care of yourself as best as you can. Meet with your doctor if necessary.

((((Cyber hugs)))))


Posts: 7449 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
tootrusting13
New Member
Member # 40873
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, November 18th (Monday)

I feel for you, and I understand your pain and confusion. I just recently discovered my Wife of 38 years is having an affair with her AA Mentor (not exactly the help I hoped she'd get from AA!). She is "sorry" but basically doesn't want to talk about, feels we should just move on, etc. Its way to fresh, and there are too many unanswered questions for that. Its really hard when your WS isn't supportive and understanding, considering the pain and confusion they have caused in your life. Be patient, be clear as to what YOU need in order to heal.
Good luck.
BS 63
WS 61
D-Day 10.01.2013

Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 4