In need of support. My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years.
Four months ago I would have told you that we were excellent at communicating and had a wonderful,close, loving marriage. He is an amazing husband and father and I truly believed my husband would NEVER cheat.
September 2011 a complete stranger sent a Facebook message to me stating that her friend was behaving inappropriately with my husband, and at the very least my husband was sexting OW. Although I had had suspicions about this OW, I was not even aware this Facebook message existed until July 2013. D-day was July 23, 2013 and my husband was out of state. When confronted that night, he admitted to sexting with this OW. A few days later he returned home and admitted to sexting with a total of 3 women and kissed one of them. A couple days later he admitted to sexting with a total of 5 OW and kissed two of them. After the first session of marriage counseling I learned he got a BJ from one of the OW. All of this was going on throughout our entire marriage.
Husband seems genuinely remorseful, willing to do anything and everything to save the marriage, has been attending weekly therapy for himself as well as marriage counseling, and SWEARS he will never cheat in any form every again because “he can’t stand to think of life without me”. Through therapy he has identified some of the reasons for his cheating, which include lack of self-esteem, immaturity, and attraction to the thrill of something forbidden. He realizes the consequence of his actions may be divorce.
I am grateful that he appears to love me and wants to make our marriage work. He is a decent man and a great father and I CAN find redeeming qualities that are worth fighting for in our marriage. In some ways, we have become closer since D-day. However, this discovery nearly crushed me. I’ve gone through every emotion 100 times over since D-day and at the end of the day I just feel lost. I do see my own therapist, too, and it isn’t really helping. “Forgiveness” is not in my repertoire of mastered skills and it’s something I am struggling to learn how to do. I made it very clear to my husband while we were first dating that I do not tolerate lying yet here I am, trying to accept that he lied to me during our entire marriage. The anger and resentment are slowly breaking me down and I honestly don’t know how to find my way back to happiness.