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Just Found Out
User Topic: Conflicted about contacting OW
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

This is round 3 of me catching him so I am filing for D. The only issue is the texts are suspicious and it looks like they met up but I have no idea how far things went. He tends to not tell the OW and the first one was innocent and we had a good conversation. The second I didn''t call because he confessed. This time I''m planning on having him served on Saturday when he gets back from his business trip. I''m worried I guess that I just want to call her to ruin things out of jealousy. We have a toddler together so we need to get along and I don''t want a big custody battle so should I just not call her so he won''t get upset? I wanna call badly but not for the wrong reasons.

We are done either way. This last chance was supposed to be with counseling and he hasn''t showed remorse and is refusing to go to counseling now so it is what it is. :(

What do you all think?


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Unfortunately, and I do mean unfortunately, I think this is one of the times where you don't say anything.

We had a member post before that did an EPIC confrontation... without being there.

That's how I would get him back.

She's another hole to fill right>? So she's at the end of the day inconsequential. Stick it to him but do it in such a way that has shock value and gives you a nice memory, but does irrevocably stuff things up for you.

Perhaps his stuff is all gone? Be creative


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
momof1girl
Member
Member # 41074
Question  Posted: 4:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Don't do it. I did and it got me a huge world of OW contacting me at odd times to rub my face into what was happening. All you will do is feel better temporarily.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2013
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I made the huge mistake of calling her at work to tell her my husband was lying to her too. Then I called her husband, that gave me more satisfaction and put a little burr in their affair blanket. He in turn, told their mutual friends and family add burr number two. My WH, is in such a fog that when she told him what I had done, he called us for the first time, not to see how our daughters volleyball tournament went, or how the girls did on their report cards, but to tell me that what I had done, had hurt the OW and her BH had backed out of a custody arrangement and now she might lose her daughter and the financial support! So my advice, she'd some light on the affair, talking to her does nothing but fuels your anger.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Hi, Honey.

I know that contacting OW is what you really, really want to do; but, if they can cheat with a MM, what is to stop them from lying to you??

Have you seen a lawyer to find out what your options are as far as custody and child support? Every state is different, but usually they favor the mother, so hopefully that will work to your benefit.

I am so sorry your WH isn't fighting for your M. You and your baby deserve so much better!

(((Careerlady)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Don't do it. Don't poke the drama llama.

Better to get a shark attorney and go the "scorched earth" route on your WS.

Revenge.....gotta love it!!!!

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6563 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Just so you know though it doesn''t appear she knows he''s married. I should just leave her to her fate? It seems kinda mean. Plus I can''t definitively say he had a PA yet again. This is a hard pill to swallow


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Who cares what she does and doesn't know; this is about your WS. HE knows he's married and it doesn't matter to him.

Attorney.
Shark attack.
Scorched earth.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6563 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I so get wanting to talk to her, I felt that way for 4 years. I wanted to be able to give her a piece of my mind, and honestly to see how F'd a person she truly was.

But you know that she has no intrest in helping you, youre the evil wife. She has no reason to tell the truth, and she certainl isn't a mentally stable person if she knowingly got involved with a MM.

I agree file, and rock his world by being dignified, and making a huge impact, like packing up his shit, and checking him into a room at a Motel 6 with a Debit Card in his name only, with just enough money in the account to pay for one night.

FTG, and talking to OW will not help you in any way.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

She''s not your problem. He is. I would concentrate on having him served, getting him out of the house, and getting what you are owed from him for both CS and SS. Taking care of yourself and your child is your #1 priority.

Speaking of which, I hope that you''re having him served away from your house. If you have not already done so, today or tomorrow latest, I would open up a new bank account in your name only, transfer 1/2 of the funds in the joint account into it, change the locks on your house, reserve a room in his name at the local Motel 6 for Saturday and Sunday nights, and hefty bag his stuff into the garage for him to pick up later. And remember that if he has a garage door opener, you need to either get it, or keep the opener unplugged so he can''t get in that way. Doing the above will make a FAR stronger statement than calling his latest piece of fluff. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Dyinghere
Member
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, November 16th (Saturday)

I called the OW. She told me she hoped to marry my husband. I told her I saw the closeup picture of her vagina that she emailed to him. The whole thing was pointless and I immediately wished I hadn't called.




Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
Marathonwaseasy
Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, November 16th (Saturday)

Don't do it. I phoned ow and it has tortured me ever since. The phone call will stay with me forever. Part of my PTSD and panic attacks. It won't help you.


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Topic Posts: 12