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Reconciliation
User Topic: O M G! It happened and I didn't even realize it.
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

True forgiveness and reconciliation. It just snuck up on me. I realized that I forgive my H.

He may not be perfect, but neither am I. The thing is, he is regretful and remorseful. And for the right reasons. Not because he's ashamed, but because he sees what his actions did to me/us and how hurtful they were.

I think I've hit acceptance too. I no longer beat myself up thinking how dumb I was to trust and no see what was going on right in front of me.

When I think about it, I can go deep into that rabbit hole. It hurts. Frankly, that betrayal will always hurt, but it doesn't gut me and leave me bleeding and breathless like before. It's more like an old wound that has healed, but you have to live with the limp its left you with everyday. The knowledge that my H had an affair is part of my life.

The thing is that it just doesn't define our M anymore. It hurts if I rub it, but not as much. I know it will never be gone, but it's so much better.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 671 | Registered: Jun 2012
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Happy for you.

I am just beginning to see that the possibility of this pain not being the focus of everyday. Not there yet but see that it is possible.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Marathonwaseasy
Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I really hope to reach that point. Well done you x


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Flatlined,

I'm happy for you!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37603 | Registered: Sep 2007
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Flatlined,

I'm glad you are making positive steps forward!

AN


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37603 | Registered: Sep 2007
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Flatlined- this is such a great post! Thank you for sharing :) congratulations! I am in a similar situation and I define it as "cautiously comfortable." I don't know that ill ever let my guard down, and it still hurts- but yes- the profuse bleeding has stopped.
I'm very happy for you!


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Awesome!!! Thank you for the hope.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2586 | Registered: Aug 2012
SurprisinglyOkay
Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Reading posts like this give me hope at barely a month from DDay. Ivan only hope I can get to this point.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 208 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5654 | Registered: Aug 2007
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Wonderful.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25362 | Registered: Aug 2011
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

*clap clap clap*

It's wonderful to let go of some of that anger and hate, isn't it? It's like the world is suddenly in color again!! I'm so happy for you!!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Flatlined, that is awesome. I'm so glad for you that the A does not define your marriage. Acceptance sounds so easy, but it's totally not. Good for you!

When I read these posts, I think, "Someday, that'll be me." Someday


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Blobette
Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

So happy for you. Such a big moment!


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Aug 2012
Searchingforhope
Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Very encouraging post...thanks so much for sharing!


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 148 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

It's more like an old wound that has healed, but you have to live with the limp its left you with everyday. The knowledge that my H had an affair is part of my life.

Thank you Flatlined - this is a great post. Happy for you.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2288 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 16