User Topic: Trying to work on this but it's hard
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Maybe this will help some of you out there too. Just have to keep reading and trying.

D Day May 27, 2012

Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

honestly, I think most of this is a load of bull.

I can say for sure that love in a marriage is conditional. Don't cheat, treat me right, and I'll love you.
My love for my children is unconditional...

the stuff about circling the hurt. Well this person really doesn't understand trauma. I see it as moving forward in circles.

Forgiveness: I haven't forgiven my husband. Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time. i think forgiveness is overrated and that living with something that may be "good enough" is what a lot of married people do.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5280 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time.
You may not see it yet but you might down the road after it eats you alive from the inside out. Forgiveness isn't a single's a commitment to work toward that goal. BUT this is just my thoughts and not a definite statement. we each have our own journey to take.

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I have to forgive because I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I can't.

D Day May 27, 2012

Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I love my H, I understand (better than he does) why he got involved in his affair, I accept that he did it, I'm no longer angry about it, and I am reasonably certain that he will not do anything like that again (I could be wrong, but 95% chance that I'm right, which I'm good with). It's become one of those "for worse" times.

But I don't forgive him for doing it. Not forgiving him is not eating me up. It doesn't bother me at all. And I don't think it will bother me in the future either. I'm not vindictive about it, so I don't think there's anything unethical about deciding not to forgive. Maybe I will forgive him in the future. Probably not.

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 5