User Topic: Stress is bringing it all back
Member # 39588
Frustrated  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I am so stressed - Christmas and money and family coming for the holidays is all getting to me. And it's making me sad and angry and thinking more about the A even though the past few weeks were pretty good.

What do I do? Talk and just try to ride through it? The stress is all non A stuff but yet it seems to bring it all back to the surface. Is this normal? Ugh, I hate this!!!!! January can't come soon enough. :(

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I do this all the time. Work stress, money stress, health stress it all seems to come in from the bottom and push up the A stress. I am guessing that in the back of my mind the A stress was something that have never been there so there is more resentment for having it.

I try to be real honest with myself as to the source of the new stress and work on that. Lists, break it down to manageable bites, stay in solutions instead of problems. It helps a little. I don't know if its your thing, but I pray.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2630 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Yep...stress triggers the hell out of me.

Money is extremely tight and I am working a lot with split days off.

All things that were going on while as he began his affair. It scares that crap out of me. So sometimes I check to make sure things are on the up and up. (Which helps build the trust factor when I find nothing) I also make sure to say I love you lots and just chat with him whenever possible to make sure he is okay with everything.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I think having the A always present makes it much harder to cope with even the smallest stressors. I can get upset over little things that never would have bothered me before. And I can't always think straight to know how to handle a situation that really should be easy. I just think my mind is so preoccupied with A stuff, even on "good" days.

So, yeah, when big stressors come along, it's inevitable.

I also seem to get more upset when I have PMS. I guess that in is a stressor as well.

[This message edited by Ambergray at 12:47 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

It doesn't help that I got my mirena IUD removed last Friday after having it in for over 5 years. I found something called the "mirena crash" where basically your hormones are waaaaay out of whack. Add that to everything - Christmas, money, the A - and it's a wonder I'm not in a mental hospital somewhere. :/

H is doing what he can but he's at work and that's only so much.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

The fact that you can identify that additional stress and hormones is causing things to feel more dire than they may be is a really good thing. It happens to the best of us, but being able to rationalize why we are reacting to historical stuff (ie affair thoughts bubbling to the surface) is huge.

Sending big hugs. I hope the next 2 months fly by.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17840 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I experience the same thing. Job stress, and a sickness in the family, has me really triggering big-time lately.

I agree with Chicho here; it helps to not dwell, and stay focused on problem-solving the things you may have control over.

Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

My MC told me once that pain, stress, and the like all 'reside' in the same "buckets" in our psyche / pain centers, irregardless of what caused them.

So if I have a very stressful week at work, that gets 'dumped' into the same 'bucket' that already holds the A stress, and it can churn up /overflow and become overwhelming. If I get pissed off because of something that happens on the drive home, that anger goes into the same bucket where the A anger is, and so on.

Her point in telling me this was to illustrate that while scenarios may be totally unrelated, my response(s)to them / the effects they have are and can be. Because we're not wired to keep trauma segregated by event; it all hits the same raw spots..

So when I feel myself getting stressed, angry, etc. I try my best to step back and really look at WHAT exactly is going on that has me upset. Like Chicho said, "be honest as to the source of the new stress and work on that".

I don't know if I've made any sense, or been helpful.I hope i have been. What I do know is I understand how you feel. ((((((Princess))))))

Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.

Posts: 429 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
Topic Posts: 8