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New Beginnings
User Topic: A new ending
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I called it quits with KD on Sunday evening... There were some incompatibilites that I just couldn't work through...

I'm pretty even keeled and her going from way up to way down, flat out wore me out...

She'd would occasionally make very biting comments in public to me that were completely out of line... I would describe it as simply being mean for the sake of being mean...

When her visitation with her grand daughter would get messed up and her stress would rise I'd do anything and everything to support her decisions... She'd just be a bitch to me and then pay lip service with a weak ass apology the next day....

I also got completely worn out with her talking about her ex husband all.... the.... time.... It was simply relentless

Over all, it was a good year... We had some very good times together but you know when it's over and it was over for me...

This Saturday should be interesting... My niece is getting married and she was her pediatrician and her mom is KD's best friend... So, I'll be dressed to a T and enjoy the reception with my giant family and friends... KD will be there with her son...

I'm sure there will be some interesting moments... No one in my family knows we aren't a couple anymore and she's been a participant in family events for decades...

Over all... I'm feeling relief... Ya know when you feel like you need to watch what you say and what you do most of the time? Not quite eggshell walking but getting there? That's where I was at...

I'll miss some things about her but there are a lot of things I certainly will not...

Onward and upward!

WB

[This message edited by wonderingbull at 2:42 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

(((WB))) You seem to have a healthy attitude about it.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I feel like it's been rocky for you for awhile. You haven't really mentioned her much since your breakup and then getting back together.

You sound like you are at peace with your decision. And I know you have a good group of friends that you didn't let go of just because you were in a relationship.

You will be ok.

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

You gave her tons of chances to hear what you were saying. It'll be her loss.

Though do keep us posted about the wedding.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21072 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
cass
Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

It's been coming for a while. I'm so sorry things didn't work out but glad you are at peace with your decision.

Life is too short to waste anymore time on her. Her issues are hers to deal with. You will be fine.

Love to be a fly on the wall at that wedding!

(((WB))


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I''m sorry to hear this, but grateful to hear it too since I''m in the midst of a break up for much of the same reasons (the emotional swings, being the target when emotions are black, modifying my comments/approach to avoid the potential for anger, as in not quite eggshells but yet ...). And I''m sad and feel guilty but at the same time, feel lighter than I have in awhile.

So I get it. Have fun at the wedding! Are you going to wear shorts?


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3124 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

My friends noticed because I stayed later at happy hour....

She came out to happy hour about once a week early on and then not so much... She doesn't have friends like I have... The concept is foreign to her... She knows how to be married... Except for her ex-sister inlaw... She has no friends or circle to do things with...

I really believe the shitty comments she makes to me infront of others is because her ex did that to her and although I never heard her I'll betcha she partook....

As happens in the SI collective we figure it out...

People are like onions... It takes time for enough layers to be peeled off before you can see someone for who they truly are...

As we say around her... It's all in the actions...

Me?... I'll do what I did after the ex and I split... I'll go on a couple of cool trips...

*Don't you worry ajsmom.... I'll post about the wedding... This is a huge event... 200-250 people... My family alone will probably be 30-40... I want everything to be cool and it will be...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Yep, it sounds like it was indeed time... you sound like you're in a good place, which is great.

Onward and upward!

The other WB


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

cayc... Yep... I've been reading about your road... Ya know, at first it was a quirk, then a habit and then utter and complete bullshit...

I'm a good looking successful guy... If I want to meet women to date I will... Right now I'm going to bask in my single maleness with no bullshit...

I became a lot less tolerant of lousy behavior during the ex's A... I refuse to have toxicity in my relationships...

I hadn't thought about shorts..

She always loved it when I got dressed up... Because of my work I'm a relaxed casual guy mostly shorts in the summer and blue jeans in the winter...

Dressing up is like a caterpillar to a butterfly thing with me... It's a profound difference... I'm very comfortable because I wore suits every day for work for decades...

I've got this beautiful Halston classic gray wool suit she hasn't seen... Fit's me like a million bucks... I've probably owned 50 plus suits and this one is the best I've ever had...

You talk nice to a guy that's dressed like that... I guarantee it...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

You sound good wb, and it sounds like you've given it the time to make peace with your decision.

Hope the wedding goes well. Just keep the focus on the bride and groom - hope it's a beautiful wonderful day for them. And I'm sure you look amazing in that suit.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
heartbroken30
Member
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Glad you are at peace WB. I felt the same relief when I ended my last relationship in March. Here's to a great new beginning!


Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9
Divorced

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

((WB))

The mere site of eggshells is enough to make me run. Glad you were able to make a decision that is good for you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

(((wb)))

Glad you're doing well.

From what you've written over the past year (she hung up on you!) I think you're making the right decision.

Have a great time at the wedding!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3409 | Registered: Dec 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Want to see a pic of you in that suit.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17559 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Yes...definitely suit pics WB. You're gonna do great. With that many people you can have a good time w/o dealing with her.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

You sound very comfortable with your decision - onward indeed. No one deserves to be treated so poorly by the very person that professes to love you. Hope the wedding, snazzy suit and all, is a lot of fun for you and your family.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but when it ends and you feel relief then you know you've made the right decision.

She sounds like she had some toxic behavior that she wasn't willing to really work on. I know at this point I wouldn't stick with someone that made mean or biting comments about me in front of others...there is no place in a healthy relationship for that type of behavior and it doesn't matter what her reason is for doing it. Any problems should be addressed in private between the two parties. I feel it shows a lack of respect for the other person and you can't have a good relationship without respect and certain boundaries.

her going from way up to way down, flat out wore me out...
Yeah, that would wear anyone out unless they are the type that needs constant drama in their life.

It will be an adjustment, and I'm glad you are taking some good memories away with you.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15293 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, November 1st (Friday)

Heading over to her place to pick up my stuff and leave her key... She's at work so thankfully there will be no drama...

It's a bit odd after a year of us dating and doing things together and now finding a new normal...

I do know this... Being single will be one hell of a lot cheaper... She liked to eat out 5,6,7 nights a week and I'm not talking Micky D's....

I bought every plane ticket, every hotel room and even a beach house for a week... Lordy...

This is a perfect example why you don't get married or move in together quickly....

WB

[This message edited by wonderingbull at 10:50 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, November 1st (Friday)

She liked to eat out 5,6,7 nights a week and I'm not talking Micky D's....

I bought every plane ticket, every hotel room and even a beach house for a week

Yikes!

Talk about one-sided.

AND you had to hear about her ex over and over and over...

I think you AND your wallet will find this break exhilarating!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21072 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I think you AND your wallet will find this break exhilarating!

My wallet is already relaxing... She would buy a dinner here and there but when it came to the really expensive places she enjoyed it was all on me...

My ears have so enjoyed not hearing her ex's name over and over and over and over again...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, November 1st (Friday)

Good lord, how tedious.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17559 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, November 1st (Friday)

Glad you are in such a good place with this, wb. Onward, indeed.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25776 | Registered: Aug 2011
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, November 1st (Friday)

My ears have so enjoyed not hearing her ex's name over and over and over and over again...

Good plan. I was in the infancy state of a relationship recently and SO kept getting upset by text messages from her ex. I gently suggested she stop having non child/finance communications with him. At that point she got mad at me for implying she was still hung up on her ex. I ended the relationship at that point. I will not put up with that.

I think the end of your relationship with her was LONG over due. Onward to a happier life.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Looking forward to your new beginning part II.

Have fun at the wedding, pics would be nice !


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
idkam
Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

WB you sound relieved abd happy... Eating out that many times a week is exhalting in itself...., i guess she didnt like to cook or didnt like your cooking...:()

There is nothing like a good looking man in a nice suit... Mmmm hmmm!! Pics please...

Here's to your new beginnings...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1801 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 25