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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Update on Christmas Brawl 2013
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

You know, it's amazing what the power of crickets can do. I posted my worries here and shared them with my family. I talked it out on here and with them. I didn't respond to XWH at all.

And lo and behold...

in my inbox is a message from XWH in which he wants to compromise and do alternating years. Glory be.

Thank you all for your advice and wisdom. While there are some kinks to be worked out, XWH and I might actually be able to do this civilly (though I did contact my attorney, and she told me what I needed to do for Family Court just in case). While not having them every Christmas morning is a bummer, I am thinking about the many advantages that some of you discussed (sleeping in is a huge one for me, night person that I am).

Anyway, thank you thank you thank you. And thank you again.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3621 | Registered: Oct 2011
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Yes, but will he actually follow through?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3416 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Save that email just in case you ever have to go to court. Hope he follows through. If he doesn't, remember this the next time he wants something.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Excellent!! I told you that this was all going to depend on where her kids spend their holidays. I would say that her kids are on an every other year schedule and he was too dumb to ask that question before he jumped the gun and got all snarky with you.

I will bet my house that whatever year he decides to take them is the year her kids are there too. That way, Mr and Mrs ashley Madison will get to have their creepy "romantic" Christmas without kids fighting and getting jealous about who got what. That is, if they last that long.

This is good. You can definitely do the every other year and i know you will make your time with them special no matter what. It will pale in comparison to their father's fake ass attempts at fun.

Make sure you keep that email in a safe place to avoid him pulling this kind of shit ever again.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I haven't agreed to anything yet. So far, he's gotten crickets from me. I'm working on a reply that gets him to spell out EXACTLY how each day involved will be handled. For instance, Christmas Day from 11:00 am on is mine every year. I'm NOT giving that up. We have the huge family celebration at my parents' house that night. He can have Christmas morning every year if he wants; I'm not sacrificing the family party every other year (and my kids would be super upset if they had to miss it).

So, we'll see. I'll get him to put it all down in writing, and then if he tries something, I'll take his emails to my lawyer if necessary. As far as I'm concerned, his word is dirt, but if I have it in writing, at least it's useful to me in court.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3621 | Registered: Oct 2011
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

For instance, Christmas Day from 11:00 am on is mine every year. I'm NOT giving that up. We have the huge family celebration at my parents' house that night. He can have Christmas morning every year if he wants;
Ok. Color me confused, but isn't this what's already in your divorce decree? Then you were upset that you weren't going to have Christmas morning with the kids?


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I read it as she refuses to give up the day after 11 am as a trade for Christmas morning - and yes, she was/is upset that Christmas Day doesn't include waking up on Christmas morning with the kids... that he gets both Christmas Eve AND Christmas morning when the kids wake up excited to get their presents.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 4:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2405 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I was hoping that XWH would be agreeable to letting me have the kids on Christmas morning like last year. The agreement does state that he gets them Christmas Eve until 11:00 am Christmas Day. He then requested having them on New Year's Eve, which is my day. I told him he could have New Year's Eve if I got all of Christmas Day (with the caveat that he's welcome to come over to my house). His response:
"I'd like to follow the terms the terms of our written agreement. I will pick up the kids at 11 AM on December 24th and return them to your house on December 25th at 11 AM.

As per the agreement, you can have the kids on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day."

I am so upset about this and am considering calling my lawyer to see if she can help me fix this.

This is from the other thread to help clarify.
I think I'm reading it correctly, so I'm confused as to why his having Christmas morning every year is ok now, but it wasnt a few days ago?
That's the agreement that's currently in place.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I was initially upset because I mistakenly thought that XWH and I had worked something out that benefited both of us. Last year went well, and then he suddenly told me (not asked): "Oh, I'll be picking the kids up on Christmas Eve at 11 am and returning them at 11 am on Christmas Day." Suddenly, we were now following the legal agreement to the letter of the law instead of being flexible and having a discussion about it as we did previously.

I was thrown for a loop and then became angry because he was still getting the more important day to him--Christmas Eve-- AND also cutting into the more important day to me-- Christmas Day. Last year, he came over in the morning to watch the kids open gifts, so I technically got them all day, but he wasn't being denied the joy of Christmas morning. I thought it was a decent compromise.

I was angered when he appeared to yank this option away from me, and honestly, I would still prefer to keep it the way we did it last year. But, after giving it some time and thought, listening to what others said on here, and thinking about what I could live with, I calmed down after my knee-jerk reaction (hence, why I come here instead of simply lashing out at him) and thought about what I could live with.

But, I haven't responded to him yet about the potential compromise. I'm still mulling it over.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3621 | Registered: Oct 2011
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Thanks for clarifying.
I thought I'd finally lost what was left of my marbles.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 10