User Topic: Never look in the WS forum....
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Such a bad idea to look at the WS forum as a BS. Just such a bad idea. Seeing all those WSs who TTd and three or four months down the line the BS finds out through other means. Like the one about the anonymous letter that I couldn't comment on but wanted to slap the WS so hard (sorry, dude...just where I am right now..I really wouldn't because I know you made a mistake, but I just wanted to for your wife). I keep telling my WS that I want to be sure he's told me everything because if this happens to me...I'm out.

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

That's why they have their own forum. Trigger city for BS

Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2713 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Have to say that IMHO the wayward forum is one of the bravest forums Iíve seen on the net.
We BS come here as victims. We have all the understanding and support.
The WS come here as the bad guys.
Yet they come and the fact they read and post indicates they want to change. They want to make right. To me Ė as a BS Ė that is an intensely powerful thing.
But yes Ė It definitely can trigger BS so itís a good idea to keep out of there.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

..i read posts from all the different forums if the title tweeks my interest..

..ya, sometimes it can trigger me, but often it can help me get a better handle on the thinking and perspectives out there.

..knowledge is power and i can use all the insights i can get to help me deal with this nightmare..

..i can certainly see how TT can be a dealbreaker in some cases. I was simply lied to from the very beginning and didn't know any better.

I never suspected that she would cheat ..AND lie about it!!! What a fool i was eh???


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

When I first came to SI, I didn't read in the WS forum for a very long time. Not because it would hurt, but I felt I needed to work on me. Believe me...I was a mess. I wish I found SI sooner.

When I did start to read the posts, I saw how many WS's are remorseful and disappointed with themselves. They were working on fixing themselves and their relationship. I give them credit. They are pouring out to thousands of people how they hurt someone they love. That takes guts. I wish my x was that dedicated and brave.

If that forum triggers you, maybe stop reading till you are farther down the path of healing.

Posts: 35919 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Have to say that IMHO the wayward forum is one of the bravest forums Iíve seen on the net.
We BS come here as victims. We have all the understanding and support.
The WS come here as the bad guys.
Yet they come and the fact they read and post indicates they want to change. They want to make right. To me Ė as a BS Ė that is an intensely powerful thing.
But yes Ė It definitely can trigger BS so itís a good idea to keep out of there.
All good points!

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I think I will avoid it for awhile longer. I go in there to learn more about WS and motivation and ... i don't know...just understand that perspective more. I need to not concern myself with that right now. The reason some of the posts trigger me is that last week I learned WH had been talking to OW a lot longer than I thought. He said he thought I knew...but I did NOT know he was talking to her every single day for almost two years!!! What the hell else doesn't he think is important?!

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I read there all the time now. I have even responded, surprised myself.

I have such respect for those that are honestly working so hard and accept their actions and the need to learn.

I suppose I also read to help me see the progression and maybe gain some insight. Maybe so I can see if h is making progress even if I can't see it?

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1427 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Honestly I value that forum. I do gain insight, and I do see remorseful WS. Sure thereare some that probably won't ever get it. But for those that do, who are willing to be honest with themselves, its nice to see the thought process.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I learned a lot from reading the WS forum. I learned that not all waywards are bad people. I learned that people can change, if they want to and are willing to do the incredibly hard work on themselves. Most importantly, I learned what real remorse should look and sound like, and I learned my ex wasn't remorseful, even when I desperately wanted to believe he was.

For me, as a fBS (exBS?), it was so important to see examples of what remorse and reconciliation was supposed to look like, so that I could finally admit I had been in false R.

I've met several of the SI WS in person, and am so impressed with all of them. Not only are they brave on SI, but to come to G2Gs where they are so outnumbered by the BS...that takes so much courage.

I get that reading the wayward forum isn't for everyone. It is very triggery. But there's a wealth of knowledge there, too.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Honestly, I check wayward first when I log in. If it wasn't for that forum, reading the seasoned ws, where they were, how they worked through it and just the people they are now, I would have filed for divorce a long time ago. They give me hope.... Every time I'm about to pull the leaving trigger, they always come to mind.... Just that true to your core change is possible.... Even from the ones that had multiple affairs and tt'd the shit out if their spouses. I think, if their bs could tough it out, maybe I can. Maybe it's possible.......

'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 331 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I find the Wayward forum one of the best on SI. As an XBS it gives me hope that there are people who make bad choices, own their shit and actively try to change for the better.

My X is not that person, he embraces his waywardness as all my fault, reading that forum shows me that it really is all him and his brokenness.

SI WS' who are actively trying to heal themselves and their M/BS rock.

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"Iíve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". ĖMaya Angelou

Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I love the WS forum, and began reading immediately after Dday. I know what it feels like to be a BS. I know what being betrayed is like. But I don't know what it feels like for them.

So when I start to doubt that WS can have true remorse, when I need some understanding in terms of how my WS is feeling, when I need to see what I can expect from my WS four months from now, when I want to know if my WS is ever really going to be hit with the magnitude of how bad this is for me, when I need to make sure that my WS's behavior is matching up with the behavior of a truely remorseful spouse, I read there. It's given me a lot of clarity - a lot. I particularly appreciate reading posts from other WS who say the same exact things my WS has said, because while I can't believe my WS, I can believe a group of anonymous posters who have no reason to lie to me.

Sure, it triggers me sometimes. But mostly, it has illuminated quite a few dark corners my WS never talked about. I appreciate it deeply.

Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014

Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

The WS forum was a great help to me. I learned a great many things that I never would have known otherwise.

Yet they come and the fact they read and post indicates they want to change. They want to make right. To me Ė as a BS Ė that is an intensely powerful thing.

Well said Bigger and I couldn't agree more.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

It took a long time for me to have a healthy outlook in there.

I think that it is much too hard for a new member to be in there... but it's amazing to see so many WS's transform their minds and hearts with the help of others.

I say give it a year or so. You certainly are not obliged to go in there, but the perspective gained is well worth it for me. The chance to try and help WS's "get it"? Awesome. The things I've learned about myself by reading in there? Priceless.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:11 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - FranÁois-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Posts in the WS forum are some of the most real advice and insight I have gotten. Triggery, yes---but worth
It in the long run.

Posts: 319 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

As shitty as that stuff can be, it's posted by people who are trying to sort their stuff out.

It's like JFO. We as BS have said some really hurtful, brutal shit in there because it's a safe place to do that.

I think making a comment about a protected place outside of that protective environment can be alienating. That stuff is posted with a certain expectation of safety, to move forward. Obviously everybody who reads that stuff is going to have their own thoughts and opinions - I won't lie, I recoil at a lot of shit I read.

Taking it out of there into the general forum can feel kind of violating. I'm sure that wasn't the intention, and I'm sure whatever was posted was one of those things that just makes you wince, but it's like I said with the JFO stuff - if some of those raw, raging, painful situations were brought in here it could be, well, Othering for lack of a better word.

I don't do well in there either, FWIW. I dunno, maybe I am looking at it the wrong way. I took my sleepytime meds so I'm not my usual sensible self.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

I uses to read the WS forum a lot in the beginning to try and understand why me ex did what he did. I even suggested that he might want to read it.

But he was too cowardly to read it and TT'd after DDay. That did the most damage and is the reason we split up. Him putting his A and OW before me and my kids was just too much.

All I can say is that those WS' who do post are incredibly brave and must really want to do the hard work necessary to change and commit to R.

Good luck to them.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

Honestly, I think it's comforting mostly. Most ws are remorseful and trying to fix things it seems, just looking for support in doing that. I spent a lot of time on another relationship forum where there is a board for OPs - now that is scary and illuminating. But can make a BS feel worthless, stupid, deserving of pain etc.

Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

Double post!

[This message edited by watersofavalon at 5:36 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
Member # 27467
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

The Life Boat post was crucial to our R. I know fwh gained a lot of insight from the posts in wayward I sent to him. I agree with Bigger, some of the most honest and gut wrenching work for both sides seems to take place on these forums.

Until recently, two years out, I've avoided the posts with stop signs. I know the post of which you speak. This person will most definitely be feeling the hurt. I think it makes us all start questioning what we know.

BW-47, married 24 years, together 27
WH-49, has LTEA w/ExGF, 25 years (minor PA)
Final no contact 4-2010
2nd A- 10-1-11 through 11-3-11
D-day 11-3-11 through 11-6-11
PA- mainly kissing until the last night when they had sex.
R- so far so good

Posts: 220 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

It's very inspiring to see how many WS are actually willing to own their shit and try and improve themselves and help their spouses heal.

There's always that one WS who is looking for validation, or seeking a stamp of approval for whatever their excuse is.

These are the ones who think they're fooling everyone and are trying to talk their way out of it and backpedal and all of it.

No matter what the experienced WS's tell them, no matter what kind of advice they give to these problem children, they just keep on shifting blame and all their other little tricks, like people here who have done the same things and used the same old tired playbook(but don't anymore) are too stupid to see through them.

This is why it's so hard to go there. It's triggery for me to see one of these people in denial(like some other people I know)

Actually, I went there on the wrong day and got permabanned, but it's all good. I can still see if I'm not logged in-I just can't launch a truckload of vitriol at the ones who seem to be gaming everyone here as they claim to ask for help. Luckily, those posters are few and far between and the WS are very adept at calling them out.

Since I'm not allowed in WS anymore, WS please accept my apologies for hurling the truckload of vitriol.(but only if you're remorseful--- )

[This message edited by loveisareddress at 2:44 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]

Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.

Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I used to go in there a lot to help me make sense of what the hell my FWH might be thinking/feeling/hiding and it helped me out a lot.

I tend to stick to General and R and frequent F&G's on the whole.

I have to say I find it easier to read in the Wayward forum than in JFO as that just wrenches my heart still- all the freshness of those new hurts... I just get so upset and it makes me triggery - even now.

That is why I hold the Mods with such high regard- we 'mere' members can go where we choose and avoid where we trigger but the Mods and Guides? They have to oversee every forum. That takes a special kind of person.

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeÜ

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Jul 2009
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I got banned from there because I was......impatient.....with a WS. I do read some of the posts and sometimes I jut waant to shake them.

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

There's a LOT of wisdom to be found there. But best to wait until you're a little further out to lurk there. I got warned as a newbie for lashing out.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Faithful w/Love
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I love the WH forum. They are real people like us, but on the flip side. They are human and need support also. They are looking for answers also just like us BS. I give my input when I can.
Just knowing that they are brave enough to come and spill their souls of something horrible that they have done is HUGE in my book.

Yes it can be triggery for some but it isn't for me because they did nothing to me personally and knowing that they are here for help and learn from what they did and figure it is wonderful. I am learning from them as well.

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I was totally new to this site, stumble upon a post written by a wh, told him exactly what was on my mind and boom, access denied!!!

HIM - 56(looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 56 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (told me a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 196 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I really like the WS forum. Yes, there are definitely some things that can trigger, but itís really wonderful to see all the WSs that are Ďowning their shití and trying to improve, even if the M is over, or may be over. Thatís what separates SI from other relationship forums. The others that Iíve seen that have WS or OP forums are filled with posts that, as another member here just said, can make a BS feel stupid, worthless, etc. In other words, filled with people that donít get it and donít care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. Thatís the thing that one needs to remember. If you want to be a selfish person walking through life unaffected by the damage you cause, fantastic. Stay the hell away from me and any other decent person, but fantastic. I do NOT want to hear or read about it. I have no use for anyone that willfully partakes in a hurtful situation and laughs about it, or blames the person being hurt, or justifies what they are doing by proclaiming ďyou canít help who you fall in love with!Ē Really? Because when I was single, the second I learned that a man was married, he immediately moved into a different category than the single men. This goes for men in relationships too, even if the relationship is relatively new. It was never a conscience thought, it just was. I guess thatís the difference really. You either have it ingrained in you to the point that being OW or WS just isnít an option because the people you would need to have the A with just arenít even in the running, without thought or effort. So yes, you can help who you fall in love with as long as you have any respect for someone elseís relationships.

Wow Ė bit off track huh?

I do like the WS forum. I have received a warning, so Iím VERY careful now because I donít want to be Ďbannedí from that section of the site. I appreciate the insight that the WSs here are willing to share, because just like there arenít that many types of affairs, there arenít that many reasons and thought patterns with cheaters. Once you can read the posts without the intense pain or rage that comes in the beginning (by Ďbeginningí I mean the first couple of years) there is a lot of knowledge to be gained in the WS forum. If the pain is still fresh and close to the surface, itís not a good place. Itís one of the reasons I just lurked here for a very very very long time. I was too quick with the words and I needed to learn to think before hitting the Ďsubmití button. Iím almost there

So thanks WSs here on SI. Youíve really helped me, and from the sounds of it many others here, much more than you probably realize. It is very much appreciated, and in all honesty it probably saved my marriage by being able to see some of the thoughts that my H was having and either couldnít articulate them very well, or I didnít believe what he had told me. Seeing others with almost identical reasoning, excuse-making, entitled thought patterns during an A, and the sadness and guilt afterwards Ė it helped, so so much.

Wow, writing all of this made me really realize how much Iíve gained from the WSs in the WS forum here on SI. Thank you, so so so much.

The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I like reading the WS forum.

I rarely post there because I have to remember not to call names, and control myself. I have to remember that they are not MY WS, haha!

But I think they offer some great insights and answer a truckload of our questions. I think they are super brave to be posting as well, and most of them have really done a lot of work to fix themselves and their marriages.

But definitely, there are days where I am too triggery to go in there.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I got banned (ahem...with reason), so I can't read WS without signing out of SI, so I don't read WS any more, but...

I recently realized that the remorseful WSes I read in my early days on SI made R attractive to me - they proved to me that R is possible. First, they show WSes can change. Second, those who R show indirectly that their BSes can recover from the pain, shame and humiliation of being cheated on.

The remorseful WSes made my life better, and the posts from fWSes in R and G continue to make my life better. I am grateful to them.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I got banned (ahem...with reason)

No Ė say it Ďaint so Joe. Not in a million years would I think (would love to see that thread)

Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1135 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

The WS come here as the bad guys.
Yet they come and the fact they read and post indicates they want to change. They want to make right. To me Ė as a BS Ė that is an intensely powerful thing.

I've always felt that way about that forum. It took me forever to finally post a response there though but I find the discussions at times helpful. It made me realize how human we all are. How we can all make mistakes and be the worse kind of person we can be, and yet, be able to turn it around and be a good person. I am not by any means the most perfect of people. I myself would like to be forgiven for my sins. Though I have not cheated on my spouse, there are things I have done in my life I regret and would like to be forgiven for. I guess that's why I empathize. I put full blame on my FWS when I found out about the adultery but I've also pitied him and all those other OW. It's a similar feeling as those of us who've seen our children make a mistake and suffer the consequences.

I guess bottom line is that forum can give you more awareness, a different, educational perspective if you let it.

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

The ws forum just makes me frustrated because my ws is so far off from those brave ones that tell their stories and are busting their hump to R.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

For the longest time I wouldn't venture into the WS Forum. When I finally did, it was bittersweet.

Here there were a lot of 'switched on' people trying to help the 'less switched on' with really thoughtful, probing questions. Bittersweet because their 'insightfulness' highlighted just how far my husband had to go. (Has to go)

Much introspection goes on there and many times I have been inspired to work on 'issues' that I have just because of a conversation I have read. I have learned a lot.

Occasionally there is a triggery topic but I just click away before it becomes an issue for me.

You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

As someone with a very short timeline from Dday to divorce, I've always found the WS forum to be very helpful and healing for me. I really believe that it's one forum that has allowed me to gain understanding and to regain trust.

Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I was not able to look in there, not even scan the thread titles, without triggering and getting physically ill, for about two years after signing up here. It's rough.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, November 1st (Friday)

The most courageous and impressive to me are the WS who did not get the result they hoped for, got the D they did not want, yet stay there in that forum working on themselves, sharing hard won wisdom with those still struggling to find their way. If and when they find themselves in another relationship, I think they will likely be awesome partners to their new SO.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I read the wayward forum, just not everyday and usually only a few posts that catch my eye. I have gotten my own hands slapped a few times for my posts, so now I only post if I have the overwhelming urge to do it and if I have something positive to say.

I think it is great that waywards have a place to vent and learn also. I am always encouraged by the ones that really screwed up and their BS D them, but they come back to try and fix themselves to never make that mistake again or to help their BS through their D. It has helped me gain some insight into what my WH#2 did and some of the why's. Hell, I even went to a OW site a few times, just to understand that part, but never really did.

I would not recommend a JFO BS to go there because it can be triggery at times and you tend to project alot in the beginning. I have a harder time reading JFO posts. I want to go and hug the majority of them in person and tell them it does get better.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I'm w/Bigger et al. relative to the WS forum.

Those who are working on themselves and R in that forum will call out WSs who are trying to b.s. & TT & blameshift; I love that. I also greatly appreciated reading genuine posts of remorse that echoed things my own FWH was saying (years ago), because it allowed me to believe them a little more.

You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3893 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I'm in the I find it very helpful camp as well. First of all, like many have already said, I seriously respect them for rolling up their sleeves and doing the work and wish my WH had a little of that in him. Also, I've found when there is maybe a newbie WS who has not yet seen the light, there is NO beating around the bush in there, they are pretty tough on those that are still in any type of fog. Supportive, but tough. I wish the seasoned WS's over there could give advise to my WH, but I can't imagine he'd ever post.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 40