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Just Found Out
User Topic: Just found out Again
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Mine is so tangled.

But I just found out again. I am moving out with my daughter. I am dizzy, can't eat, and can't get out fast enough.

He never lifted a finger since Dday one so not sure why I am so shocked. I sob every time I try to pack


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

(((hugs))) I''m so very sorry. Please, please, take care of yourself. You have a child to take care of. If you don''t take care of yourself, you cannot take care of her.

We''re here for you. Just keep on breathing. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

So sorry to hear this (((WaWaNJ))). Take care of yourself and your dd.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9750 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

Thanks. My reality is different. My stomach is sick. And I am mad bc he has a gf set up so he has happiness. I can't leave til the atty gets all the signatures and every minute feels like a century.


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
MakingLemonade
Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry! It's good you are getting some space. (((hugs!)))


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry. We're here for you.

(((WaWaNJ)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17837 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Hearthache again
Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)

People assume that the second time will hurt less because you have been through it before. It doesn't. I hurt just as much the second time around with my H. The only advantage you have this time is you know it does get a little better each passing day.

Stay strong and take care of yourself and child.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

(((((WaWaNJ))))))

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Please take care of yourself and post often. Let us help and support you.

I can only imagine your pain. But you're going to be okay. You do not need this mess in your life anymore and the pain will subside and you will find happiness again.

More hugs,

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5078 | Registered: May 2007
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

I am so sorry for your pain (((WWNJ)))

You are showing your strength by moving forward.

Your happiness will come, one day at a time. His? Sweetie, just b/c he has a gf set up now does NOT mean he has happiness. How much happiness can there be when you have 2 cheaters involved??

Soon he will just be an after-thought and you will be amazing!!!

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

(((WaWa)))

You are moving forward, and making changes so that he can never hurt you again. Find peace in that.
Of course that does not mean you won't hurt, of course you will, but the pain is limited and there is an end in sight. No more worrying, you will get through this, you will be stronger than you ever imagined, and you will also find happiness in yourself.

If you can't eat or sleep please callyour Dr for some pharmaceutical help through this tough time. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and your kiddo.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Oldernotwiser
Member
Member # 36408
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, October 31st (Thursday)

Brave move, take care of yourself! I have wished I would have had the courage to make that decision so many times. I actually feel I cheated myself of years of happiness by staying. Be strong, you are not alone!


Me BS 54
WH 55
Married 34 years
2 grown sons
2 PA ? EA's didn't develop due to discovery

Posts: 85 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest USA
AlexFL
Member
Member # 40966
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, November 1st (Friday)

I don't think I'm being strong. I think I am caving in. I realize that I forgive too easy or sweep things under the rug too much. I want to disappear for awhile or freeze the world.

My problem is I don't think he is a bad man but I probably should. There are things that he have done that crush my soul but then he also has some good qualities.

Who knows if I can continue bring strong. I feel sad and lost still. I thought a couple weeks would make things more clear but it's not.

I have no decision made. I have no proof that anything would change. I must change and that's really scary cause I kinda really liked me.


Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2013
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, November 1st (Friday)

(((WaWaNJ)))

Sending you strength; hope you can feel it. I'm really sorry.


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3891 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
AlexFL
Member
Member # 40966
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, November 1st (Friday)

On the phone all night. Back and forth. It's weird that we are both on opposite sides of what happened but we feel the same. He cheated and I was cheated on and we both feel sad, lost and insecure but then he adds remorse and I add anger. Makes for a VERY difficult conversation cause we aren't matching emotions at the same time.

Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, November 1st (Friday)

Sending hugs and love your way...
So sorry.. :)


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

This was pretty hard. I am having trouble finding a place to move. I can't get out fast enough. I start packing tonight.

I did call the dr for a nausea med.

I need to go read in the divorce and new beginning areas now - even though I think we should have still tried.


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Now I think maybe I should try to save the marriage and feel like I am losing my mind...


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)

Well, he doesn't know what he wants. He has three options. Her, me, single. I have to remove myself as a choice as much as it hurts. He asked for a day to think and I just can't put myself through that.

I think if he doesn't know that would mean he knows what he....

I don't know what I think but I don't feel wanted or love and I do feel like trash.


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)

remove myself as a choice

oh sweetie, I am sending BIG ((((Hugs)))

Yes, YOU can remove yourself, if YOU choose.
Don't let him make a decision for you, and DD, about YOUR life.

I agree the fact that he isn't sure is pretty indictive of where this is headed.

YOU do not need to be looking over your shoulder the rest of your life. Or teach DD that she needs to stay with someone who has such disrespect for her. (easy for me to say, IK, wish I could live by my own words)

YOU ARE STRONG. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)

Oh For Fuck's Sake, what's wrong with these people? (Rhetorical- I know they're broken, but really? Into that many pieces? It's sad here today with more DD's )

I am heartbroken for you WaWaNJ but you are doing the right thing and you will gain strength from every second you stay on your new path.

Sending you and yours huge ((((((hugs)))))


...and apologies for profanity...ish


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 7th (Thursday)

I removed myself as a choice.

I feel worse.

I am still in anti nausea pills.

Lost 16 lbs.

I feel like my brain is on amphetamines (not that I know what that's like) and thoughts are whirling and I don't know what to trust or what to do.


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
Chippednotbroken
Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, November 7th (Thursday)

I'm working on gettin out. I hear it gets better -- like going from hotdogs to steak better. Don't give in to the sorrow or fear. Keep strong if not for you then for the rest of us. We all need lights. You are going to be fine. Somebody remind me of this when my turn comes.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 8th (Friday)

(((WaWa))))

Your brain feels that way because it's in a Fight or Flight mode.

You chose to remove yourself, and honestly if was a second time around it was a smart choice. He has clearly showed you who he is.

Know this - You deserve better, you deserve to be treated with kindness, love, and above all respect. He is incapable of that.

You also did NOTHING to cause this, and your gift of R the first time was more than enough to be content with knowing you did what you could.

If you are still strung out, and frantic, and cant stop the brain, and aren't able to eat or sleep, please talk to your dr about something for anxiety.

I remember in the early days I went days and days without real sleep, it made it so much more difficult to keep my emotions in check. I found the antianxiety medications stopped my brain, and allowed me to get real sleep, and that in turn allowed me to be strong, and control the negative thoughts.

Do one nice thing for you today. Even if it's small. Take a nice long bath, get a pedi, read a book (non A related), watch a Will Farrell movie, something to make you feel happy.

You have a new start, and you will come out the other side of this stronger than you could have ever imagined.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, November 8th (Friday)

(((WaWaNJ)))

You WILL come out of this stronger! I read your profile, and 3 years is more than generous time to wait for him to get his head out of his butt! Time's up, Idiot! You lose!

Take your beautiful daughter and get away from him. He's toxic. You can do this!!!

Please keep posting. We are here for you, cheering you on!!!!

(((More Hugs)))

*Edited for profanity. I just hate when they are too stupid to see all they have!! You deserve soooo much better!!!

[This message edited by Raven96 at 9:02 AM, November 8th (Friday)]


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, November 11th (Monday)

We are going to work on it.

I dont know thats the right thing yet


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Oh I am so so sorry... I don't know but he's been lowing to you for how long now.. You deserve better. You are strong and he is a POS that doesn't deserve you.
If you want to work it out but from reading your first line it doesn't seem like he did anything in the past to help you or himself.
Sending lots of HUGGSSS


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
sri624
Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, November 11th (Monday)

you are a strong woman...doing what you have to do. i respect you for that. even if this is just what you have to do for right now.

i know the feeling all too well...the discovery of another a. i was in false r before i found out my h was cheating with another woman he met on the internet.

you do get stronger. keep your bitchboots on nice and tight.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 979 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Offhispedestal
Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 11th (Monday)

WawaNJ...I'm so sorry, we share the same DDay month and year. April is when I first saw them of course I didn't even know it was a DDay because he denied etc....

I think this is every BS worst nightmare. I know the hell you are in. I know that darkness. I know your mind doesn't allow you to rest. The 2nd DDay is worst in my opinion. I don't know what's driving you to stay this time. My mind tells you that he obviously didnt learn a single thing to put you through this again. He's not worth a second chance he's in panic mode and is promising to do anything for you to stay. I totally understand that tug in your heart that wants this to work, that wants your life back. I will never ever understand WS that last a few years and bam! Do this again? He can't possibly understand the pain he's just caused you. I'm angry for you. I know your mind feels crazy right now. Please try somehow to get some rest. Your daughter needs you.😔
I'm so sorry


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 639 | Registered: Jun 2011
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, November 11th (Monday)

((( WaWa)))

If you guys are gonna try to work things out, I would make a post nup agreement that is drawn up by your lawyer ( one that is heavily in your favor should you S or D) a non arguable condition of R...

It is enough stress to find out that our WS's are still lying and cheating, but it really sucks big time to have to worry about food and shelter for ourselves because our stupid WS's turned our lives upside down..

You will know in almost a heartbeat how remorseful your WH is and if he truly cares about you and your kiddo's welfare as much as he cares about his own..

I hate to say it but in my experience an un remorseful WS won't take the gamble on R if there is any risk to his/her livelihood involved...They rarely put their money where their mouthes are..

Sending you strength...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:27 PM, November 11th (Monday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Nov 2011
WaWaNJ
Member
Member # 28820
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

Thx guys. I was ok but I am not sure... Again


Dd1: April 2010 Dd2: Oct 2013
Will never tell anyone to try to work it out with a cheater...

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2010
Topic Posts: 30