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User Topic: One of my friends is now the 'other woman'
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

I would preface this by saying we're in the same social circle (not one my wh is in) I've always liked her but I personally wouldn't consider us friends. But I guess that's what it makes us.

So anyway, she's always cheated on her boyfriends. One who is absolutely a treasure. Wh has always hated this social circle and personally, I've never truly liked it either. But my bestfriend is in it and she struggles with this circle a lot (very drama lama).Bestfriend is a huge blabbermouth (always has been) so I know for a fact that this girl knows wh has cheated one me (she told me).

I would like to say something to her and the opportunity is there tomorrow night for an event, but I would be really carving out time in a really intensive next month and a half.
However I hate this social stuff I have to do, I'm 'Switzerland' and I generally spend the night getting my ear talked off, smoking non stop (because I'm stressed) and utterly bored waiting for WH to pick me up (who apparently is always too early for everyone else's liking , but not early enough for me).


Also due to earlier this year (for those who don't know my posts: very sticky situation told wh friend and co-worker must tell his gf that he cheated on her, didn't work out at all to say the least, Wh is still paying for my actions (although he doesn't hold it against me). Problem is i don't know who she's the 'other woman' too however I know my bestfriend wouldn't lie about it. And I know she told me so I would say something to her... but read above. DO I REALLY WANT TO GET INTO ANOTHER STICKY SITUATION???

Seriously I don't know if there's any point.

[This message edited by lauren123 at 9:36 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Hey Lauren

I am confused.

Why would you waste your time on a social circle you don't care for? Your best friend can hang in a different circle without you, no big deal.

And what do you hope to gain with this talk with this non-friend/friend of yours?

There seems to be a whole lot of wasted time and energy spent in a circle of people you don't care for, having your ear talked off with drama you don't need.

Find friends you want to be with. People who bring out the good in each other, make contributions to your life and vice-versa. Life is far too short to spend any of it with people you don't value.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, November 1st (Friday)

I would completely agree but bf loves to entertain for almost anything

I only go to the ones she puts a lot of effort into. I just you know want to be supportive she's always been supportive of my things

And what do you hope to gain with this talk with this non-friend/friend of yours?

Well I thought I could try and be empathetic and do a lot of confidence building tell her that she's worth someone who would respect her and what a relationship is. (whilst also implying she should respect relationships). I would also point out really gently that I still have a lot of hate towards my ow situation and that maybe as she's said before it's founded.

All really nicely gently.

My actual social circle, not bf's is fantastic very relaxed and friendly. But I know these events are important to bf so that means in my mind they should be important to me too... right?

I dunno


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, November 1st (Friday)

Support your friend by attending her parties, if you must.

But don't waste a bit of breath on the OW.

If there's anything to be learned from this infidelity thing is that you CANNOT change anyone else. She won't find enlightenment in your guidance.

Why waste your effort on someone who does not matter to you?


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8656 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 4