User Topic: Pets help R, seriously
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Despite the risk of earning an award for lamest anything ever posted on SI, here it goes.

One of the things I'm discovering during our attempted R is that having pets is incredibly helpful.

When I'm feeling sad or angry and prefer to hold in my thoughts it's so nice to be able to say, "look at what the cat is doing!" And he's always doing something.

My cat is great when things are tense. He acts up for attention and then we kind of come together to give him that attention.

My WW goes to bed earlier than me to be up before the sun rises for her job. The cat is great company for me at night. Petting the little guy helps me break negative thought patterns.

He was kind of neglected after D-Day (we fed him regularly, but barely played with him for two months) and I still feel some guilt over that. I really don't know how you people with children get through something like this. He's a cat, he'll be fine. I imagine kids are impacted for life.

In short, if you have a pet, use him/her. When things are going well, we do "family hugs" that include the cat and that feels good and we both "have to behave" because the cat is included.

Seriously, pets are a great distraction during tough or tense moments. I'm only writing this because I'm having a painful night, started reading posts on SI and thinking horrible thoughts. The cat came along, walked all over the keyboard and demanded attention. It broke up my negative thinking and petting him made me feel good. So there, lamest post ever.

Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Not lame at all. I love when my cat walks up, gives me a hug, and kisses my cheek.

Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Not lame at all!

They provide diversion without the demand that children bring with them (kids also provide diversion).

The best thing about pets for me, though, was comic relief. I didn't/couldn't smile, let alone laugh, for months and months (and months); the first real laugh I had post DDay was thanks to my dogs playing a silly game of chase so earnestly that it was funny. Who knows how long I might've gone without that moment of joy if we didn't have pets?

Pets are good.

You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3890 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Sad12008, reading about your dogs made me smile

Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 40303
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Best post ever on SI :)
I love my dog so much. I don't have kids either but my dog brings me so much peace, comfort, and love. It's crazy how a little animal can have such an impact on ones well being. Therapy animals are truly therapy animals.
I don't know what I would do without my puppy, he distracts me and also makes me smile with his silliness, I HAVE to walk him and that makes me exercise and breath fresh air, if I didn't have him I would never step outside for a walk and would consume myself in sadness. Not to mention that he sits next to me lovingly when I am sad and licks my tears when I cry :(
I loved him so much before but now he really is my all time best buddy, he has my unconditional love always. Pets are the best.

Me BS: 29
SAWH: 29
M: 3yrs ; T: 12yrs
DDay1: 8/11/13 confessed to tip of the iceberg.
DDay2: 8/26/13 Found secret email, 7 yrs of CL casual encounters, dating websites, massage parlors, etc.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, October 31st (Thursday)


..our 3 cats are part of the reason we are still together!

..they constantly entertain us with their goofy personalities. the little critters to pieces..


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Not lame, brilliant!

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5242 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

MY dogs heart condition has really detiriated during this ordeal. However, I cook low sodium people food for him and have meds to give him so that has helped me have a "purpose" especially on days when I do not fee like getting out of bed.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, November 1st (Friday)

It's actually proven that pets help us emotionally. Not lame at all! Their unconditionally love is sometimes all we can count on.

And I'm a doglover too; have three of each.

Dday -9/24/2012

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, November 1st (Friday)

Its that unconditional love!
I believe in animal therapy.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, November 1st (Friday)

Not a lame post at all. My little dog has carried me through the tough months since D-Day. She has been there for me no matter what my mood, she's cuddled me when I am crying, she's made me laugh when I am sad, she has listened to me rant and rave, she has walked next to me on the toughest of days... She has literally saved me.

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1021 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, November 1st (Friday)

My dog was GREAT!
She hated him after he left and when he used to come over to pick something up or drop off money she would back as far away from him as she could without leaving me alone and would snark and bark.

LOVE my baby!

Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.

Posts: 5085 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
New Member
Member # 41417
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Not a lame post at all! Our dog is a silly dog and it always helps me when I spend time with her, they have such easy lives and it just makes you take a step back and realize it's not the end of the world.

Me: 31
Him: 37
Together for 14 years.
DD: 04/30/2013
OW: colleague from previous job he'd been having an A with for 4 years, and a couple of others from school he slept with prior to that. He ended A in front of me at my request, trying R and MC.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Yes they do.
Not a lame post.

I tried not to fall apart infront of the kids in the early days, and I would often lock myself in my bedroom with my animals, and they dried their share of tears for sure. Alas I am so far out from Dday that none of those animals are still with me. But they all three provided me with comfort, and peace during those hard hard times, they also made me laugh, and realize that there was more to life than just his A.

Animals are wonderful.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8687 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Awwwww, pets are therapy, for sure!

Madhatters, M 31 yrs
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Nothing better than doggy cuddles and kisses when I feel down.

Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13803 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
looking forward
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Nothing better than doggy cuddles and kisses when I feel down.

...Change that to cats and I'm with you!

Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2854 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Another vote for fab pets!

This may sound irresponsible but I will explain....

As soon as it was decided we would stay together we made a difficult decision, for our son's sake, that turned out to be fantastic for us all! We bought a puppy..... now before anyone says eek what if you don't make it??? Well we have a son and two cats so another addition wouldn't really make things any harder - plus we are both sure no matter how hard things get we will stay together.

The thing is we have been incredibly unlucky with our dogs and our son has really suffered. Imagine his little world, pup#1 was stupidity buying a male german shepherd when we had a young child, he had severe dominance issues and we gave him to an ex police dog handler in the end, much heartbreak. we had both had gs's growing up but they were very gentle and we didn't realise how dominant some males can be. IT was our own inexperience at fault, not the dog's so we found him the best home we could. Then we had a perfect golden retriever who was my son's best friend. Sadly, she died at a year old from complications after picking up a parasite from her mum and the emergency treatment she was given as a pup. Saved her life but destroyed her gut and eventually her many meds gave her epilepsy - long heart rending story. Now imagine a little 7 year old who saw his pup get sick and die. Well, of course he pleaded for another, we thought about it for a long time and gave in and got a cocker spaniel, this one developed cocker rage syndrome and had to be euthanized after biting me twice very badly. at this point we were ready to give up, convinced we were jinxed. It didn't matter that I was at home, that we read all the books, bought from responsible breeders, did it all. we were just so unlucky when it came to dogs.

We said never again buuuuut this year DS was deeply affected by the loss of my dad, it brought it all back about the dogs he had lost too. We were dealing with the A and as an only child he was so sad. So we decided to try again....

We are now the proud parents of a beautiful black lab who is now a happy healthy addition to our family. She has been the easiest dog ever and dotes on ds. Within weeks he had her trained to do all sorts for him and she focuses on him so intently. She calms down when he walks in the room, does tricks for him she won't for anyone else and just clearly adores him, she is so gentle with him. They make such a happy pair

We found no matter how much we were arguing or how upset we were just watching her little puppy antics provided a great distraction and some real moments of light relief. There was also the underlying recommitment we were making to each other by adding her to our family. I swear this pup has brought us back together as a family. She certainly helped h and I (and continues to do so) and my little boy is happier than he has been in years!

So with our two cats that rule the roost and a smashing little girl at long last I say long may it continue! Yay for pets

Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I have an affair cat. I adopted her about 6 months after dday. She was 5 months old and a rescue. They found her living under a dumpster in an apartment complex. They called her "growly girl" because she would only sit on the back of a chair and growl at all the other cats in the rescue.

But this cat is my soul mate. We have healed each other. She never grew any bigger so I don't really know if she was only 5 months old or her growth was stunted or what. Today she is a 6 pound bundle of love. She comes and lays on my chest every morning before work, purring into my ear. Literally, she puts her nose IN my ear.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jan 2011
New Member
Member # 36980
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

My dog saved me! After Dday, when my kids left for school in the morning, I would go back to bed to meltdown. She laid with me for hours. She made me get up and walk her. She made me smile and laugh, especially when she gets the zoomies and runs around like a nut case. My WH said, "If we treated each other like we treat the dog our life would be great!" Some times I believe him.

BS 42 WH 45
BD 15 BS 18
D day #1 2/14/12
D day #2 5/17/12
married 18 years
At least 5 OW over 10 years
I am dedicated to my family, always have
been. I did not deserve this!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: USA
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Chickens! Not kidding, they are a heard of perpetual puppies!

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

My dog has been being neglected... Fed and watered... But since dday has spent a lot of time in the basement.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Not lame at all. Pets help everything.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8829 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

The cat in the picture above, Eva, is why I am still alive today. That's not melodrama. Twice I seriously contemplated suicide, to the point of kneeling on the floor in the dark holding a syringe loaded with enough large animal euthanasia drug to kill an elephant. Twice she came and found me and distracted me out of it. She was the most gentle, loving cat I have ever seen. In her entire life she never growled once, never hissed once. Following D day she slept next to my head every night without fail. When i woke up with nightmares she would be there. She would break the silence between my wife and I with unbelievable miaows (you have to hear a burmese cat to believe it), which would make us both laugh and break the ice. She would jump all over each of us if we were arguing.

She lived 1 day short of her second birthday, the day after I told my counsellor I thought I was finally going to be ok. I think maybe Eva's job on this world was done.

I hope she is waiting for me somewhere, so I have the chance to tell her just how very grateful I am for everything she did for me in her too short life, how acutely and deeply I felt the pain of her passing, and how much I truly loved her. She was my "once in a lifetime" cat, and I will never forget her, or forget how incredible she was. We have new cats now, and I love them, but Eva was and always will be, my rescuer.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 3:22 AM, November 28th (Thursday)]

BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Member # 20530
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

My dog helped me alot after my husband's affair. He's even commented that she helped keep us together. Yet, she passed on recently & he has been asking me if I would choose the dog over him & telling me I wouldn't miss him as much as I do her. It really irks me that he is not there for me when I need him emotionally. Now he is making comments that I shouldn't get another dog. I would like to know wtf his problem is?

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

Ah Olwen, black labs are the BEST!! During final part (unknown to me) of fWH's LTA I decided ,Sod it, don't care any more if H doesn't like dogs, my sister's lovely dog had pups and I was going to have one. For company if nothing else, H was way off my radar by then. I said I'd do all the walking, feeding, clearing up messes,6 o'clock in the morning walks whilst the world was asleep and freezing cold and I did - I think I asked him twice during that first year to mind her for a few hours.

He gradually warmed to her, said he didn't know a dog could be so nice. What he had never admitted to me until a few years ago was that he was frightened of dogs, having been attacked by some as a child. I don't think my lovely labbie has an aggressive bone in her. She's bottom of the pack, way under the cats, and just emanates love and happiness to anyone she meets, and any other dogs, cats, rabbits etc!

And so good during relate. Long walks, distraction, and giving off that feel-good factor all day everyday has been great for us. And H has not only lost his fear of dogs, but has turned into the biggest dog-bore I know

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 229 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 26