I just posted a whole other thread about my IC seeming to think I might be reading more into my present situation because of past.
First I have been a very trusting spouse. Obviously too trusting and always willing to explain away aberrations in behavior that I saw with plausible explanations .
But in order for me to move on, make decisions, confront this I feel like I should have my eyes wide open and be a lot less trusting when similar behaviors are exhibited and actually more as from the past when he was involved before.
I'll just list some, but I think I could as could all of us, probably write a weekly column on wayward behavior.
My WH likes to pull disappearing acts where all of a sudden we can't find him for 5-10 minutes. Even the kids have started noticing this. Sometimes he'll be outside when he had no reason to go outside. He never tells us where he is going, he is just gone .
For instance, he had a bike race last Saturday, cyclocross . People can stand all along the course to watch. Originally I wasn't going but then decided it would be possible . Got oldest to babysit. Told husband and usually he would be happy. This time he said , oh, okay . Five minutes later, he says the forecast said it was going to rain and I probably wouldn't want to go in the rain. I said if you are racing in the rain, I can watch and use umbrella . At this point I am thinking he had someone else going. The course would be spread out and even his friends wouldn't notice or be able to tell if a woman on the sideline was there cheering him on.
So we get there and he is flitting around visiting with people, riding his bike to warm up and then disappearing for a few and then reappearing. I talk to some other people I know but he has basically left me to my own devices and I don't always know where he is. Race starts. He rides.
I'm there right at finish to congrats and he walks right past me and starts talking to his friends. I go over and ask him if he even saw me at finish and he said yes. I said why didn't you even talk to me. Nothing .
So, hanging around after, putting things away, flitting around again, and I realize he is gone. Can't find him anywhere . I ask a a friend of ours who was leaving but he didn't know. Don't know how long he was gone , 15 minutes maybe, who knows. All of a sudden he comes up riding on his best friends bike. He said he saw the bike and took off to go talk to his friend out on the course who was cleaning up. Well I know the friend was doing that but why not tell me. That night I saw his suspected dating profile had been logged in during that time and its not a very active profile. So don't know if someone was there or if he used that time to get away to correspond on phone .
Couple weeks ago we went on vacation. He goes on a mountain bike ride on the trails on the property. Gone 2 hours. Doesn't take phone which is odd because for safety reasons he should have one so I suspect he took secret phone. He gets back. Friends ask how his ride was. He answers in all truth I suspect because he probably rarely lies to anyone but me and he wasn't thinking. He said, "oh I didn't ride very long, maybe 3 or 4 miles." What? Gone for 2 hours and only that far? He would usually have ridden 8-15. So I say in front of our friends, "wow, that's all you rode? You sure were gone a long time?" He starts back pedaling, saying it was probably more than that and that he did go over to those other trails to check them out. I call BS! I think his first spontaneous response was correct!
This man is religious, absolutely methodical about keeping track of his mileage. He has a good feel to a half mile or mile how far he has gone even without a computer because he knows how far he can travel in a certain time based on difficulty. We were pretty rural but still decent cell phone coverage so who knows what he was doing but it wasn't biking for 2 hours.
Then last night trick or treating, we are walking through our friends neighborhood , and my husband is ahead of me as usual but he is walking really fast. I notice this petite blonde lady staring a him with a very odd smile and I notice she almost decides to talk to him a couple times but he keeps going. Wish I had thought to say something to her but I was so surprised that I kept going.
So I catch up to my husband and I don't always bring up stuff I notice but I did with this. I said there was a blond lady looking at you like she knew you and wanted to say something and you walked right past. He spluttered and said he didn't see, didn't know, tried to blow it off . Five minutes later walking along he tells me he lost his bike tool from his pocket and needs to go back to look for it. So then he's gone another 5-10 minutes, of course in the direction we saw the lady.
As I suspect my husband of playing the field, dating several woman, I have always wondered if we would run into someone .
Her look made me think of someone who might be thinking ,"There he is with his family!"
So that's some of the crazy. Long but good to tell. I know others can relate on here.