Minor incident with one of the kids last night.
H asks me, "Why didn't you think to ask this or that, blah, blah, blah?"
"Because I've been told for years that I was reading too much into things. Asking too many questions. I've learned that it doesn't pay to be too observant around people who, when close to being found out, resort to casting doubt on me some way or creating a megafucking disturbance to deflect attention off of themselves."
Normally, he plays stupid when I make a sarcastic joke or dance around the edges of something like this.
Right away he starts being defensive and asking me when he's ever done that to me. I don't even go there because he'll just lie and deny like he always has.
I just thought it was interesting that he heard and understood me just fine when I was hinting around like this, but will claim he can't understand the words I use or hear me in an effort to make me feel I'm too stupid to even get my point across(a vexing problem to be sure, and one which I have only ever experienced with him!)
I told him years ago that gaslighting is dangerous. If a person ignores their gut to keep the peace, it could endanger themselves, their children or even(heaven forbid-gasp!)the gaslighter himself. Gaslighting was no longer so much in my face and overt.
I don't ignore my gut feelings anymore. I just don't share them with him. If I feel like he's going in the wrong direction, I just let him get bit.
Since I can't rely on my gut or my own eyes and ears(according to him) Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.
I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.