Well imho, forgiveness is the last thing you need to be concerning yourself with. For your own peace of mind, remove your focus from her and put it on you. 180. Detach. What do you need to do for you?
Her? She needs to be remorseful. She needs to show you with actions that she wishes to be accountable to herself, to you, to your marriage.
Only when you have both can you start thinking about forgiveness - which is really just indifference. The day will come with successful R or D, where the As won''''t be what dominates your mind or drives your actions. On that day, then you can say you''''ve forgiven.
People talk about forgiveness being an act. You graciously choose to absolve someone. But I disagree. Forgiveness is directly tied to the impact of the bad action. You eat the last piece of cake? An hour later I''''ve forgotten & yeah, sure now I laugh about it and "forgive" you.
You fuck 50 other people during the course of our marriage? Um. I don''''t predict forgiveness for many years to come and in order to think about getting it, you Mr. Betrayer, won''''t be in my life because that''''s the only way indifference will arrive. When everything about you has been replaced by something better in my life.
And I''''m almost there, you can be too if necessary. Don''''t fear your future now that you have the truth. Walk through it. Head held high. You may get R. You may get D. But either way, you *will* be ok.
[This message edited by cayc at 8:13 AM, November 2nd, 2013 (Saturday)]