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User Topic: can he truly change?
heathenchristian
Member
Member # 40060
DOH!  Posted: 12:14 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

We've had good, even great days. He came home form his IC on Wed & was quiet. Didn't talk much.
Next day I asked why? He said his IC beat him up (emotionally).
Last night in bed talk in & he mentioned something & then said he didn't want to make me mad so he wasn't going to talk about it. I pushed him to tell me. It has to do with appearances (mine). Yes I got upset & well I think he will never get it.
I AM MORE THAN A MY OUTWARD LOOKS!
He's only been to IC maybe 5 times. He grew up in an environment that people tried & pretended to be someone they are not.
Stuffy/snooty supposed Christians who made you believe you had to look & act a certain way. Some of his family is still like that.

I wasn't brought up to keep up with the Jones'.
I almost feel like I should cut my losses.
Going into 4th month of R. He says his IC doesn't really think his issue is with appearances. They just haven't figured it out yet.
We have sex almost everyday. Really good sex too.
I feel like I'm not being true to myself by continuing in our marriage the way we are. Not much lovey stuff outside the bedroom & he never says he loves me. I stopped saying it to him because he'd respond with I love you back but it was almost under his breath.
So how long do I continue this whatever it is???????
Don't know if true change will ever happen.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Its a good sign that his IC would not let him blameshift his why's onto you.

True change, growth, and healing is possible but it takes a ton of real work. The decision to ride it out to see if it actually happens is completely yours. Its scary stuff.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Aug 2012
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Last night in bed talk in & he mentioned something & then said he didn't want to make me mad so he wasn't going to talk about it. I pushed him to tell me. It has to do with appearances (mine). Yes I got upset & well I think he will never get it.
I AM MORE THAN A MY OUTWARD LOOKS!

You are very much more than your outward looks.

In this situation, bear in mind that you pushed for him to open up with his opinion. Whether or not you agree with them, pushing for him to express them and then immediately responding with the very behavior he was afraid to open up to is only going to make him feel like you are looking to trap him in an argument rather than listen to what he has to say and hear his opinion on something.

I feel like I'm not being true to myself by continuing in our marriage the way we are. Not much lovey stuff outside the bedroom & he never says he loves me. I stopped saying it to him because he'd respond with I love you back but it was almost under his breath.

This is something you should try to talk to him about. If he won't get on board with trying to at least meet halfway somehow then the answer to your question of how long do you let it continue is: as long as you choose to.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7409 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 3