User Topic: Nothing is safe
Member # 35846
Angry  Posted: 12:37 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

We have a new circle of friends since the A.

I love them, they are fun to hang out with and we do a lot of group activities and trips. I find our group a safe place to socialize.

Two years ago two of the couples went camping and met "John and Susie". For some reason they both fell in love with this couple and introduced them to the group. They have now become part of our group and are included in everything. They are "one of us".

There is something that has screamed at me about John since I met him. I have kept my distance with the pair because I think there is something there I just can't put my finger on. I don't like his hugs and I think he is not nice to Susie.We do not participate with them in any individual activities.

Last night we are all out. One of the wives "Angi" is tired and says it's gonna be an early night for them. She is at the table, quiet, not really socializing.

Last minute John and Susie decide to show and I feel like I am watching a movie in slow motion...Angi jumps up, hugs John, says hi to Susie and becomes the life of the party, animated, batting her eyes at John.Spends the majority of the evening in deep flirty conversation with him.

And I can't move...I see this train barreling down the tracks and I instantly know what's going on.

I am pissed. Really pissed.

I talked to H about it and we are not sure where to go next. I want to pull Angi over and beat the shit out of her and kick John in the ass.

I have never seen this between them before, but I know what it feels like...

We are supposed to go to Angi's house and watch the game tomorrow with her and her hubby. I want to talk to her, but H and I have kept our distance emotionally with people. We don't like drama, don't want to be in it and definitely do not want to start any. I feel as though I need to support her in her marriage and her husband needs to know that something is off too.

It's quacking so loud, I know it's a duck. But I don't have proof. If it's just begun though I don't want there to become an opportunity for them to make proof KWIM?

Sigh, I think I am just sad and angry that people I thought were so grounded could be shaken so easily.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

I am sorry this is hitting so close to home.

No religious implications here, just a quote from a book that saved my life. "God often works through those who care enough about recovery to help make us aware of our shortcomings"

Sometimes we are in the right place at the right time with the right experience to help others and we really don't have a choice in the matter.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2647 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Thanks Chicho

I do feel as though we need to talk to them.

I am just disappointed. Her husband is the nicest guy, a great dad, hard worker.

I have seen her falling into the trap of "my husband isn't doing x,y,z for me" so maybe she is setting up her excuses in her mind already.

We will talk with them tomorrow. We are planning on opening up wounds if they are receptive.

At the very least they will know we care about them both and have the best interest of their family at heart.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

I'm so glad you are going to address this with them. I'm a firm believer in blowing away the veil of secrecy that allows this to fluorish.

Good luck and let us know what happens....

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Isn't it something how acutely tuned our spidey senses become around everyone? I've noticed things that make mine tingle and stand on end in others' dealings with their spouse /SO, even when I don't even know them. That makes it a bit difficult to do what you plan to. I saw a couple on a tour that I could tell were in trouble by the way they spoke and related to each other.

You are a good person and a good friend to want to "engineer " a siding before this train wreck happens.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2394 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 5