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Just Found Out
User Topic: will he ever realize it?
tara1110
Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

It's been 3.5 months since dday and it's been he longest 3.5 months of my life. The feeling of heaviness in my chest has been gone for weeks now. I still can't fathom the thought of him falling in love with OP within 2 weeks of their affair. The OP is overseas and they still talk regularly. My husband is already set that he wants a divorce. He is going back to deployment this January to the same place where the OP is. Meanwhile, my world is in shambles and trying hard to keep my head up to take care of myself and my 2yr old son.

Looking back at our conversations after the dday, he told me that I deserved more from him, I don't deserve all these, that I'm a good woman, a good mom, that I didn't do anything wrong, that I am too good and that I deserve someone better, that he made a mistake and that he's not sure how to make things work between us so he'd rather start over on his own, that he does not want to keep hurting me, and that no one could ever replace me.

Maybe he was just being noble in some of the things he said and maybe some are sincere. Right now he is head over heels inlove with the OP, they got tattoos of each other's names, professes their love for each other on FB, etc.

On the other hand, I am trying (hard) to move on with my life. It's very hard but it amazes me how I am able to hold myself up and function at work and at the same time take care of my son and my 2 dogs.

My question is, will he ever realize everything that he said? The repercussions of his actions? Or has he realized it and has moved on?

Married for 5 yrs (dated for 2yrs)
Dday 7/24/13


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

It sounds like he has made his decision, so you need to protect you and your son. Have you seen a lawyer yet? If not, please do that first so you know what you can expect.

Secondly, I hope you are doing the 180. That is found in the yellow box in the upper left hand corner. It is under FAQ for the BS, #11. Please know that this is not "how to win him back." These are steps you take in order to remove yourself from his life until he removes himself (physically) from yours in January. Don't do another thing for him! No cooking for him, cleaning up after him, laundry for him, nothing! He doesn't exist in your world!!

Others will be along with more advice. I just wanted you to know you've been heard, and that weekends can be a little slow here.

Take good care of you and your beautiful son. Your WH doesn't get to just "walk away." He will be financially responsible, even overseas.

Post here as much as you need to!

(((Hugs)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I'm sorry...I didn't really answer your question. As far as realizing what he has done, it is hard to say. When you're in an A, everything is all rainbows and unicorns. Once they are together overseas, things may change, since part of the "excitement" of an A is the secrecy of it. Maybe the OP is a serial cheater, and your WH is just another conquest for her. If things don't work out for them, he may realize what a colossal mistake he has made, but everyone is different.

Don't sit around waiting for him, though! You deserve way more than this garbage you're being given!! Keep your chin up!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I'm just so sorry that you are feeling so terrible and want to send you huge hugs ((((((tara))))))

Take a deep breath, you are doing really well. Focus all of your attention on you and your beautiful little boy. Life has a way of shifting and changing to include new horizons. So, find joy in little things. hold the people dear to you close (including yourself).
He is a fool for leaving. But he's right; you deserve so much more than he can give you at today.

Kia kaha (stay strong!)


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
tara1110
Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

Thank you for the posts. Obviously it's still very new to me. We were happy. We loved each other dearly and he's been telling me how excited he was to come home from deployment. Little did I know he had a 2 week affair before he came home and that he fell in love with this girl right away. I never saw this coming. The most painful part is when I found out 2 days before he was scheduled to come home. I just feel devastated and feel rejected.


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)

Please see a lawyer right away and make a move to protect your kiddo..
You may or may not be able to reconcile your relationship with your WH, but since he is the father of your son, he needs to(at the very least) contribute financially to your son's well being..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 6