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Reconciliation
User Topic: D Day
Undone1
Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

A week or so prior to Devistatoin Day or Discovery Day, I started havnig nightmares and feeling a low grade melancholy mood. On the day itself, same thing. Now that it is passed, I am feeling more angry and depressed. My spouse wants me to "be done" with it all, and while I get that, it just isn't that easy.

How were others D-Days and the time leading up to and after the day?


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Fury.

Tell him to strap it, it will likely get worse before it gets better.

But then you'll get to the Plain of Lethal Flatness, which should scare him more.

There is no "being done" with this.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
Undone1
Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

What is the plane of lethal flatness...Apathy?


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Yes, pretty much. Kind of a moniker attached to a stage many go through which includes apathy.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

We're less than 2 weeks from it and so far the whole month has been a disaster.

Am afraid of what the actual day will be like.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Had no premonitions of something being wrong or off.

When I got the letter exposing the affair, for some reason I felt a slight sense of smugness (?) or maybe vindication that I wasn't the fucked up one in this marriage as he was always trying to convince me that I was. That was d-day. Next was sadness and anger, but more sadness for months.

Around 5-6 months the rage set in. I was angry, angry, angry.

Finally found SI at 8 months post d-day. Helped with my emotions a lot.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9543 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Marathonwaseasy
Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

The PA started last October. From then until pretty much dday I was compulsively eating. Something I did in the past but thought I'd resolved. Despite the devastation since dday I'm not comfort eating.
On some level I knew I'd lost him. And I didn't know what to do with my deep anxiety. I am not in a good place now but I recognise it. It's better than that not knowing
Weird
I have a website I post on and found some old posts about how broken we were just before the EA started. I could tell you from what I wrote when he started seeing her secretly because of how he was with me. Haven't yet had the nerve to look at my posts about life from October 2012 because I will see it then too I'm sure. So obvious in hindsight.
What a fool


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

I went to a new therapist the morning of the first Dday. I said "I just can't be."
things broke loose that night.

2nd dday: I'm going to hire a PI just to spy one more time and if he's clean I'll never spy again. That turned out well...

trusting yourself - oh yeah....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Dec 2010
Undone1
Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

You are not a fool. You were being a loving spouse by giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hindsight is always 20/20.


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 9