User Topic: This is never going to end..
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 8th (Friday)

I filed D in NOVEMBER of last year. Don't even have temporary orders yet (guess we had to try those ridiculous, useless mediations first). We have court scheduled for the end of November, but the POS' L just filed a motion to withdraw. If he hires another one, this will be his THIRD L. Maybe if he would just quit lying all the damn time, his lawyers wouldn't keep dropping him.

I've already spent over $14,000 on this stupid divorce! Either I'm doing something wrong, my L is doing something wrong, my STBX has these sneaky ways to delay things, or God just doesn't like me

I guess whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. But it also makes me extremely irritated and pissed off.. Sigh....

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2397 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, November 8th (Friday)

I'm right where you are but maybe a little ahead. My stbx was served in December and I at least have temporary court orders for child support and physical custody. My stbx is on his second attorney.

Is it too much to ask for our stbx to stop lying and just get it done? Just do the right thing!?!? I guess so.

Why do we have to spend thousands of dollars just to make sure we get what we and our children are entitled to?

Hugs ButterflyGirl. Hang in there! It hasn't killed us yet

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2284 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 8th (Friday)

Wow, I didn't realize how common this is. I filed August first, we went through a pointless mediation, still no temporary orders, and STBX is on her second attorney. (I don't even want to know how much I've spent or will spend.) I guess this is just the process we must be subjected to with these people. But it is frustrating, even agonizing, and incredibly emotionally exhausting.

But we are all surviving. And will. Let's just get this thing done and really start our new lives.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1645 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, November 8th (Friday)

My sentiments exactly!

I first filed in December 2011. I did it because my head told me that I had no other options, but I lacked conviction because my heart wasn't in it. I suspended the proceeding in May 2012....only for him to resume his cheating behaviors within 4 days of that suspension and to pack up his car and bail on us a month later. After that, I was DONE with the marriage.

So I have *officially* been serious about divorcing WH since August 2012. We have had a mediated child placement agreement since January 2013. We have had one financial mediation that was a bust because we were lacking a serious amount of information.

I have still not received *all* of the necessary financial information, but once I do, we will have to schedule ANOTHER mediation session -- which will probably be a bust (yet again) because stbx sees me as a free-loading, gold-digging, greedy thief.

eta: at this point we still don't even have a final trial date set. Oh, and stbx is ALSO on his second guys noticing a pattern here????

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:41 AM, November 8th (Friday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8111 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, November 8th (Friday)

I hate to say this, but even after you settle and D, there will still be ongoing things that never seem to items, spousal and child support payments, different emotions, etc). I'm a while out and it still never seems to end and just linger. I told my CPA I want all this done and completed by April 15th of this later, no extensions.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, November 8th (Friday)

"Divorce is forever"


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Member # 29203
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, November 8th (Friday)

In the same boat here!! I filed and had my L send a proposed settlement offer heard nothing from asshats L. File motion for cort ordered mediation and HIS L told the judge he was NOT going to mediate. My L tried several times to set up mediation and they would not respond. we went back to the judge and when threatened with being locked up for contempt they decided to show up for mediation. It was a bust. They refused to negotiate. we went to court in Sept only to have to reset due to a jury trial and then we went in Oct. the judge asked us to try to come to an agreement and his L avoided my L for an hour. Ass hat and his lawyer got into an argument and they refused our offer. The judge got sick so we had to reset til Nov!!! My L called early this week and said she had gotten a fax from his L wanting to meet. I told her nope I was done. Let the judge decide. And my asshat thinks a piece of inherited property can be lumped in with community property!! They tried to tie financing in with the inherited land and when my L examined to loan doc she found an additional $6000.00 in community property that has to be divided. Needless to say asshat was pissed! I had a great laugh!! I simply told those two idiots that they opened the door my L just did what any great L would do!! But then again when you only pay $1000.00 for legal representation you get what you pay for! I too am soooooo ready for this to be over!! Mine has been going on for 14 month's in a state that it should only take 90 days! But then end is in sight!!

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Louisiana
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, November 8th (Friday)

Oct 12 2012 was the day I received the first paperwork from his L. I retained my L within a few days. I sent everything requested in about 35 day.
It wasn't until I finally filed in April before before I got a response from him. His L wasn't answering my L calls.

ENE was at the end of May that was the first time I had any idea of what he was going to offer. After 8 hours of mediation and 3 hours of pretrial we are no closer to being done than when I got the first paperwork. I've made the decision to go to trial I think this is the only way that my D will be resolved.


because stbx sees me as a free-loading, gold-digging, greedy thief.

^^^^"opposing" has this same idea about me. Makes me mad that the choices that WE made concerning the parenting of our DD's is not going to be used against me. Instead of planning a career I was a SHAM for many years. Doing daycare for most of those years. Had I known what my future was going to hold I might have made other decisions about my education. However, I will never regret being there for my DD's.

He still has his original L.

Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, November 9th (Saturday)

because stbx sees me as a free-loading, gold-digging, greedy thief.

Oh yeah, I hear that (and versions of that) all the damn time, and this while I've worked a respectable 40-hour a week job from home for a large hospital chain in our area for longer than our marriage, always flexing my schedule so that I can take care of the children, help with homework, cook, clean, get them to and from school, etc., etc...

Well yeah, fucktard, marriage is about love, and divorce is about money.

So tell me, fucktard, if it wasn't about money for you, why aren't you paying child support? Why did you quit your second job? Why are you now working less than 15 hours a week? Why are you on your FOURTH financial affidavit, lowering your hours and income each and every time? YOU AREN'T SUPPORTING YOUR CHILDREN YOU SLIMY PIECE OF SHIT!!! AND **I'M** THE ONE BEING GREEDY AND FOCUSED ON MONEY?? FUCK YOU!!!

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2397 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, November 9th (Saturday)

Agreed. Fuck him. With a ten-foot pole.

My divorce took 21 months. Some people had their divorces take even longer. It's hard work, but fucktards can make what seems like a simple cut/dried situation (you want out enough to cheat, so let's make it happen!) into a convoluted, Byzantine maze of opposition, foot-dragging and delays.

Just wait until you get court dates set, then they get delayed again & again at the last minute. Yeah. Good times.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9852 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, November 9th (Saturday)

.....oh and I forgot my other favorite.....he keeps telling me to make him an offer and quit stalling.

Yep. *I'm* stalling. How typical of him to expect me to make decisions based on what he *says* instead of backing up what he is saying with actual documentation.

So because he wouldn't produce documents voluntarily, formal discovery was initiated. And now I'm "dragging it out" and it's *MY* fault that we are spending a fortune on lawyer fees.

What is so ridiculous is that my state has a pretty simple divorce process -- no-fault, community property. Put your stuff in a pile and whack it down the middle 50% to one, and 50% to the other. Should be simple, however, Mr. I'mthevictimofacontrollingbitch is making it as difficult and prolonged as possible. Ugh.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8111 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, November 9th (Saturday)

Some people had their divorces take even longer.

31 months. And there was NOTHING to fight over. No assets. No property. We settled custody in mediation (as unbelievable as that is, it did happen) 10 months after dday.

He would not submit paperwork, would not be served, did not show, failed to provide, blah, blah, blah.

I paid for all the filings, I initiated the entire process. I refused to pay MY L the remainder of the legal fees court ordered to be paid by EX, and my L tried to hold up my D!!!! I thought it would NEVER happen.... and then it did.

YAY for divorce! Hang in there.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, November 9th (Saturday)

You pikers.

52 months from filing to "final" orders, but I'm taking the settlement to a higher court for appeal, so it will be another 6 to 18 months.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5182 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, November 9th (Saturday)

These are terrifying stories for someone just starting out like myself! I filed my paperwork on my own after consulting a lawyer. Thinking about continuing to represent myself with just legal advice....

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Topic Posts: 14