*sigh* Your situation is one of the ones that make me wish that Freaky Friday was a real phenomena.
First off. Please. Right now is NOT the time to be seeing your husband as DH. I'm assuming that the D stands for Dear....and, FSL, there is nothing *dear* about a man that is dating another woman right under his wife's nose. He is WayWardHusband (WH) through and through.
Secondly. The guy is 34. He's not having a mid-life crisis. He's being a disrespectful, manipulating, cake-eating douche.
I've actually told him picking to do stuff with her over me is wrong, it sucks and it freaking hurts me.
...and yet he does it anyway.
I understand wanting to salvage your marriage. But it takes 2 to do that successfully and your WH has proven that he's not playing by the same rules as you are. He is taking advantage of the fact that you are afraid to be without him. Will you feel content and fulfilled 50 years from now....knowing that you have been sharing your husband for all of that time? <--that sounds like a pretty miserable existence doesn't it?
What you've been doing isn't working. Being the collaborative, nice, non-bitchy wife has been a no-go. You need a new game plan.
You aren't powerless in this situation. Consult an attorney. Tell that person "my husband has another woman in his life and that is unacceptable to me. This is my situation -- no job, health issues that require insurance, etc -- What are my options?" Texas has made a recent change to the divorce laws -- no idea what it entails -- but by all accounts that I have seen, a *fault* divorce is allowed.
I know that you previously said that he had put his phone on *lock-down* again, but can you access the account online?
Right now, for your own emotional sanity.....stop *sharing* yourself with him. You've been sharing your *pain* with him for 2 months now and he is continuing to carry on doing whatever he wants to do. Trust me, he knows the difference between right and wrong. He knows that you are upset.....and he is choosing to not care.
Your WH is committing 2 of the biggest *sins* that a WH can commit:
(1) continuing contact with his AP; and
(2) saying that HE doesn't know if he wants to remain married or not.
Find your power, FSL. Allowing him to continue like this is very self-destructive.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.