Topic: Dreading the holidays?
Member # 41090
| Posted: 11:31 AM, November 10th (Sunday)|
I've always loved, loved, loved the holiday season. I love everything about it...decorating, cooking and baking, being with family and friends, even listening to Xmas music. Now seeing Xmas decor at stores is turning my stomach. I don't give a crap about Thanksgiving or Xmas. It'll be my first holiday season after dday two months ago (we're in R) and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There is no joy. It makes me tired just thinking about all the faking I'm going to have to do around friends and family. Anyone else feeling this way? If you've been through this before, any advice?
[This message edited by nomadlady at 11:33 AM, November 10th (Sunday)]
D-day: September 2013
Posts: 30 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 33226
| Posted: 11:39 AM, November 10th (Sunday)|
((((nomadlady)))) The first time through the holidays can be very stressful. My advice is to give yourself permission to do what you need to do. Scale things back, skip parties and gatherings if you don't feel up to them. "Sorry I can't make it, I'm feeling under the weather," is a truthful and perfectly acceptable response.
Be kind to yourself, honey. You can make it through this if you put your self care first, drop the unreasonable expectations, and listen to what your body and your emotions are telling you day by day.
You can call me NIK
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
Posts: 22712 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 40219
| Posted: 11:59 AM, November 10th (Sunday)|
I hear you! I'm dreading the season as well. We spent time with OW and her family all throughout the holidays last year
I am taking the approach of simple. You need to take care of yourself.
WS MisterP (36)
Together 13 1/2 Years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly making progress towards Reconciliation.
Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
Member # 38647
| Posted: 12:23 PM, November 10th (Sunday)|
Same here. I'm thinking about taking my kids for a mini vacation the week of Christmas. I don't think I can stay around H, and I don't think I can be around family either. Maybe you can take some time for yourself during the holidays?
Sending thoughts and prayers
Married 7 years
2 awesome kids, 6 and 4
D-Day #1 2/28/13
D-Day #2 10/21/13
Separated but in MC
Courage is not the absence of fear. It's acting in the face of fear.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Florida
Member # 30396
| Posted: 12:50 PM, November 10th (Sunday)|
I did the same thing the first holiday season. Four holiday season's later, still don't like them as much, but they are less painful. Take care of yourself and do not try to "make" your self enjoy them. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
We did start some new holiday traditions. My H and I now cook the holiday goodies together to give to friends. Before, that was something I did alone. It does give us time together and we enjoy the memories. His first pecan pies were extra buttery as he doubled the required butter....of course we still laugh about that.
Just go slow and do what feels comfortable.
Married 30 yrs, together 33
Affair Aug-Dec 09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
Posts: 1442 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 39166
| Posted: 1:25 PM, November 10th (Sunday)|
I've decided to embrace it this year and make things different, not trying to recreate how things were.
I can't afford much, but have bought new Christmas tree decorations etc so that it doesn't look the same as before (my WH has left). We're also going to have cheese fondue for Christmas dinner with Christmassy type things to dip into it, so that it feels different than before. Trying to start some new traditions...all to stop it reminding me of when we were a happy family (or so I thought).
But I'm still expecting it to hurt and I'm going to let myself have a good old cry once the children are in bed.
Sorry for my typos & editing, I have a sticky keyboard
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse'
OW1 - EA - my friend
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
Thanking God for showing me how to smile & dance in the rain
Posts: 492 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
|Topic Posts: 6|| |