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Just Found Out
User Topic: Just found some pics, need opinions
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

Hi all! My story can be found here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=506560&HL=40496
And when I found a Vicodin pill here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=510392&HL=40496

Anyway, tonight I logged onto his profile on the computer and started going through the recycle bin. I stumbled across 4 photos....they were of him only in his boxer briefs from the torso down to show very visibly that he was hard. When I looked at the photo properties I saw they were taken on a Saturday morning at 7:30am on a weekend I was out of town this summer. I know 10000% sure the photos were not something he would have sent to me, that's not my thing and he's never sent me photos like that before. I'm baffled whats going on. Is this something guys do? I mean, I don't take seflies of my bra just for my own personal viewing pleasure. Whats going on?!!?!


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

He is taking those pictures to share with poeple on the internet, most likely through email, instant messaging or chat apps. He is not taking those pics for himself. If he is sending pics of his hard penis he is definitely also engaging in cyber-sex.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

Yup he's not doing it just for his own kicks. He is up to no good. That's guarantee, sister you need to make sure you get copies of that proof. Screenshots etc, get a key logger in that computer ASAP!

((( and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7799 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

This is what I was afraid of. It just doesn't make sense. I just needed to make sure this isn't a "guy thing"


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
naivegirl
Member
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

I am so sorry. I think he has a whole secret life going on again or it never stopped. I remember you saying you were going to marriage couseling. How has that been going? I think it is time to hire a PI or get him to take a lie detector test. You are not going to get the truth any other way. Talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. I wouldn't let him know you found the pictures yet. He will make up some excuse. Save those pictures somewhere. Good luck.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1739 | Registered: Apr 2007
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

MC has been going OK. We've done 2 joint sessions, I have an individual sessions Tuesday thank god.

Honestly I have the feeling I'm just done. I'm tired of finding things and having to try to talk myself into being like "ohhh yes this could totally be innocent".

He doesn't know I found the photos, and I probably won't say. I don't want to hear is ridiculous story as to why he took them.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

I just needed to make sure this isn't a "guy thing"

Not that I'm aware of. I discovered pics like that of OM that he sent to my FWW. IMO, when guys take pics like this it's for cyber-sex.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Aug 2007
Nailinmyforehead
Member
Member # 38427
Default  Posted: 4:57 AM, November 11th (Monday)

Not a guy thing that I am aware of. I have never taken a pic like that, and like was mentioned earlier- found a few that were sent to my FWW on her phone. God help us all through this disgusting mess. I pray daily for some relief for us all.


"Son, you've got the future- shining like a piece of gold, but I swear as we get closer- it looks more like a lump of coal"

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ohio
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, November 11th (Monday)

It sounds like your WS is a sex addict, like mine.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2221 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, November 11th (Monday)

I hate how everytime I find something its like I go over and over in my mind trying to come up with a totally innocent answer to why those would be there. I know there isn't, and I'm not ready to hear his lies. I can just imagine them now "oh, I took them I was going to send to you buy changed me mind." "I just wanted to see what it looked like in my underwear". Yea, as absurd as those sound thats what he'll say!! And then try and get me to be like....well I guess that is plausbile.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
hathnofury
Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Three words: tip of iceberg. If this is what he forgot to delete, image what he did delete.

I am so sorry. I went through a similar experience, confronted and acted like I found more than I had and knew what he was up to. He immediately confessed to more, including videos I had no clue about. Then a year later, there was 10x more.

The thing is now you know. You just need to decide what that means for you. You honestly don't need any more proof unless it is advantageous for D. You know he's been unfaithful, and lying about it. What's next? What do YOU want?


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Jun 2011
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Three words: tip of iceberg. If this is what he forgot to delete, image what he did delete.

This is terrifying. And also incredibly upsetting because I believed that nothing else could possibly be going on since DDay in 2010, plus with the way he's been crying saying he's done nothing else since then. What am I too believe, why must they try and confuse and lie even when there is plain evidence???

Talking to therapist tomorrow, I am so freaking done. I'm done playing 'detective', I'm done being lied to and having someone trying to confuse me, I'm not going to live my life with someone who does this kind of shady stuff then cried and begs me not to leave.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Keep trusting your gut. Paqinful though it is to face the worst.

You have all you need:

Pictures of him with a hardon in shorts taken when you're away from home, then deleted. My guess is that he was hoping to get a "no strings attached" hook-up for the weekend.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 11th (Monday)

jzkc,
After reading your other posts, it really looks like your H is a wayward sex addict.

He has no respect or consideration for you, all he cares about is his next fix.

Have you had STD tests? I'd suggest you not be intimate with him anymore, until you and he get tested, and he is 100% transparent, and not a wayward anymore.

Your M is so young, and he has been cheating all along. Unless he gets serious about rehabilitating himself, and dealing with his addiction, there is no hope for him ever being faithful in your M.

I'm so sorry. ((((((jzkc))))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Its hard wrapping my head around the fact that I maybe don't really know someone. Since this was happening from before, during, and after our wedding and honeymoon....how can I really say that I know that person? I'm sure that after initial discovery things had died down, but now it appears w/ the discovery of vicodin, condoms in the car (which he said were for us), and now the self explicit photos that something for sure is not right at all.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Based solely on my own limited experience, men do not wake up early on a Saturday morning at 7:30am on a weekend to snap risqué pics for this year's family photo X-Mas card unless they are trying to give Nana a heart attack.

As Ricky said to Lucy, "You have some 'splainin to do".


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

its so hard laying next to someone knowing they've been doing this and up to no good.

How is he so sweet and loving to me? Do they not feel guilty? Does he not think that is OK???? I don't fricken get it.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Mapleleaf4ever
New Member
Member # 37090
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

(((jzkc)))
I have no idea how these people can live a double life and justify it in their own minds. My WW did it for years before I finally caught her. I don't believe that someone with this type of personality can change that behaviour. Taking those pics are not for his own pleasure. IMO you have enough to conclude the man is a pig and should move on. If you need more, then take the advice already given. Just google Keylogger or key catcher and download a program. You will get his passwords etc. Be ready for what you find though, for I went the same route and the truth was like a baseball bat to the stomach.
Good luck

[This message edited by Mapleleaf4ever at 9:18 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 26 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ready_to_run
Member
Member # 20954
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Its called compartmentalizing. And if this is an online A he is probably justifying it by thinking he is not cheating since they haven't met in person.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I know how heartbreaking it is to realize that the person you are in love with is living a double life.


BH
Divorced


Posts: 750 | Registered: Sep 2008
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Its called compartmentalizing. And if this is an online A he is probably justifying it by thinking he is not cheating since they haven't met in person.

Thats what I'm thinking. But I'm still so naive I'm also thinking "well maybe he was just feeling sexy and wanted to take pics to see".


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Nobody does that!

Nobody takes pictures of themselves for no reason. It's either for a Craigslist add or for another woman; gross, disgusting, foul and sad...but true.

My WH did this.

Still makes me feel like this

And, I will never understand it, never.

So sorry you're going through this, I hate that people feel the way I do

(((hugs)))


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

I need someone smack with with a good dose of truth. All this is just too much for me, the pill, the condoms, now the photos in the deleted bin. I keep revisiting a document I have saved in an old email back from when the calls/texts were happening in 2010. Below is a sample of the communication between one escort. Why is it I still believe him when he said he never met one?! This just doesn't add up!!!!!


Note we were married April 17. These are all to one particular escort.

Calls:
April 23 (3 times)
April 25- 2 minutes
April 26- 6 times (one was for 3 min)
May 3- (4 minutes)
May 7
May 10 (4 minutes)
May 11 (2 minutes)
May 13
May 14
June 4- twice
June 5
June 6
June 9
June 10- (3 times) 2minutes
June 14
June 27
August 3- 2 minutes
Aug 11 (twice)


Texts:
April 23
May 3
May 9 (4 texts)
May 10 (7 texts)
May 13 (5 texts)
May 25- 6 texts
June 5
June 10
June 17
Aug 3 (1 being a multimedia message) 8 texts
Aug 10 (first was an outgoing text message) 27 texts


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Here goes:

I don't think hookers spend time texting and calling to this degree unless they have a customer.

[This message edited by Markone at 3:00 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

I don't think hookers spend time texting and calling to this degree unless they have a customer.

My thoughts as well Like would they really waste that much time on calls and texts if he isn't giving them $$? They wouldn't waste that much time w/ someone on the off chance they may finalllly come around and pay, right?


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

No, I would imagine not. I'm sure they get crank
callers all the time and so would be pretty dismissive
of time wasters. Just my guess but they are doing
it for money not fun.

I'm sorry. He will bullshit you left right and center
Keep trusting your gut even when your heart doesn't
want to believe it.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

...and as evidenced by the stories on this board,
she would have plenty of willing customers so wouldn't
need to court him to be one. My guess is he was
trying to make arrangements. He may well have been
unsuccessful but it looks like to me his intent was there.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

as someone posted to me on other board, escorts most likely do keep records of phone numbers, I would assume if she determined he wasn't going to be a customer they wouldn't just stop responding. They are going to sex talk to him for free, right? Especially the string of texts that was 27 or something. Grrrrr wtf!!!!

Its so hard to go from "no, not my husband...he wouldn't" to "yes my husband met an escort".


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Oh boy is it ever hard to finally see them as they are.
Admitting this stuff to yourself as the new reality of your life is incredibly difficult and painful.

Sadly, Jzkc, this is the reality. Markone is telling it like it is.

I don't think that asking questions is helping your WH tell the truth, maybe statements would.
Eg: "I know you have ... and therefore I am ..."

Or just crickets and hefty bags or papers...

Now is the time to gather your strength, hugs to you while you make your decisions
(((((Jzkc))))))



There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

So I confronted him about the photos....he said it was something he was going to send to me but didn't.

He sobbed and cried really bad.

I HATE HATE HATE this!!!! I don't want to be with him anymore but when he reacts so sadly it guilts me into staying. How do you leave someone that is so outwardly sad by the talk of divorce. I'm so incapable of hurting someone like that, I'm such a mess.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
brokenblackbird
Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

You know what is going on. You know he is lying. You hope he isn't, but you know.

You'll end it when you are ready to be done with all this. His lying and crying and guilt tripping won't matter when you are ready.

You get to choose how much crap you'll put up with. It will be enough when its enough for you. Until then, keep reading here and asking questions.

((hugs))


Posts: 725 | Registered: Sep 2010
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

He's a cheater & a liar.

Lots of us here, including me, had our spouses swear on the Bible, swear on our children's lives, swear on their mother's grave, that nothing had happened. We have witnessed Academy Award winning sob fests filled with tears, snot and dramatic near-fainting spells as our cheating spouses protested their innocence.

It is difficult to accept that someone would lie right to our faces like that. It's even harder, years later, to accept that we stood there & pretended to believe the lies we knew we were being fed. I guarantee you it takes quite a few sessions with your IC to clear yourself of the painful self-recrimination you'll feel when you finally face that you were complicit in your own deception, that you willingly went along with the rug-sweeping and lies.

But it's what we do. We WANT to believe our spouse. We don't want the truth to be real. We don't want the life that we know is coming for us, so we keep pretending for as long as we can that the life we thought we had is still real.

Even though it's not.

Even though often it never was.

It's very frightening to realize that you're living a lie.

(((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9299 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

What Nature Girl said. It's awful, but heed her
words. 3 years on- that complicity still nags at me.

Sobs, words = 0. Actions are what count.

I


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 32