User Topic: When did I become the enemy?
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

So many bites of the elephant. Tonight I am fixated on the fact that at some point I stopped being beloved wife and best friend and became someone that was an obstacle to him getting what he wanted. First I was the one he had to fool to cheat, then the one he had to deceive to keep me in the marriage he didn't want to lose, then I became a money grabber he had to fight in the divorce. This is mind boggling to me. I loved him, I'm the mother of his children, I supported his very successful career - all to be reduced to being the enemy. I don't get it. And logically I know this speaks volumes about him, and nothing about me, but it's still something I need to process to heal. It's such a staggering betrayal.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

It's not personal. The accusations, the monster he makes you out to be has nothing to do with you personally. These are justifications he is using so he can runoff to schtup someone else. Its so he doesnt have to face the reality of what he did. He may even hope someone believes him so he wont come off the jerk he truly Is.

Healing will come with time. I know that is so cliche, but it is true.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 6:37 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8414 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

It's actually pretty common. I think it's just easier for the wayward to demonize the betrayed and make them the enemy, rather than facing the cold, hard truth about themselves. For my ex, he'd rather blame me for well, everything instead of face the truth. He still wants to see himself as a good person, and good people don't walk out on their families. Therefore, it must have been someone else who drove him to it.

My ex was so delusional he actually told me my sister would see things his way and take his side, because after all, she knows what I'm like. Yes, as it turns out, I used to be married to an idiot.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12168 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

Trippletrouble - I know how you feel. I'm sure we all do - but please look at this from another point of view: You have never been his enemy, he has been yours. An enemy to your future, to your happiness, an enemy to your family. You are the one holding the high ground here.

I don't really have any advice for you. Just - living through this is hard enough without being hard on yourself.

Stay strong.

Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.

Posts: 269 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

You have never been his enemy, he has been yours. An enemy to your future, to your happiness, an enemy to your family

Isn't this the truth!

It blows my mind too. I wonder if they go to the grave believing we are the enemy?

Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 5