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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: send positive thoughts for ds9
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

The boys came back from spending the night with their dad. The weekend visits have dropped to Saturday night/Sunday visits over the last few months.

The boys have Veteran's Day off, but spending the extra day at dad's didn't work out for various reasons.

DS9 comes home and immediately bursts into tears about missing Dad, not seeing dad enough. I talk to him for an hour. His tears seem to based in guilt more so than sadness. I hug him, I validate how hard it must be, tell him I am glad he is home.

Later when DS12 is getting ready for bed, I ask what the deal is with his brother's sadness. In a purely 12 year old as few syllables as possible, I get a verbal shrug "eh, that's dad's fault" as he takes the stairs two at a time to bed.

I am sure that it will all be a non issue tomorrow. I am tired of this but then I think if not this, then it would be some other trial.

Thanks for letting me spill.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

((((ds9)))) Sending you all positive thoughts, cg.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25667 | Registered: Aug 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

Watching our children suffer their idiot fathers just. kills. me.

I'm sorry CG.
Happy thoughts being sent DS9's way.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

(((DS9)))

I hope he has a nice, relaxing day with you tomorrow. (((HUGS)))


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, November 10th (Sunday)

Poor baby! Have you shared the feedback with his father?


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, November 11th (Monday)

(((ds9))) Poor kiddo.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, November 11th (Monday)

Positive thoughts on the way!!!!

A mental kick in the arse to your XH for not having a clue to his son's need for more of a connection with dad.

Cyber hugs for you and your boys.
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5249 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, November 11th (Monday)

I'm keening right along with you mamma. This time when we are their whole world is so precious. I hate seeing it squandered. I also hate seeing them disappointed or blaming themselves for the fathers fucked-upness.

I'm sorry your boy is hurting. I honestly can't fathom how you do it. I'd say it is all the practice you've received.

Hugs for you and your lovely boys. You all deserve so much better.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, November 11th (Monday)

I quit sharing the boys' feelings with their dad a long time ago. Sharing how the boys feel or what they need from their father earns me

1. A scolding for telling him what to do
2. The boys a scolding for telling on him
3. The boys get told to man up, toughen up, stop being mama's boys
4. The boys feel betrayed by me as my attempts to help cause them more fallout with their dad. Possibly they stop telling me things.

The ex's relationship with the boys is not mine to fix or manage.

That was a hard lesson to learn and one I remind myself of frequently.

It bothers me that the wayward parent LEAVES, spends however many years consistently absent and selfish, ditching scheduled parenting time with excuses, and then uses SADNESS to make the child feel guilty.

AS expected, today has been about the normal childhood worries: what to eat and what to watch on TV.

[This message edited by caregiver9000 at 9:50 AM, November 11th (Monday)]


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Parallel lives again, Care. I heard anger from my dd10 yesterday about her Dad. I keep directing them back to him…and she did. She totally told him that she was upset. I was proud and sad at the same time.

(((Caregiver9000)))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4175 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 10