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User Topic: Not a bunny boiler........
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, November 11th (Monday)

Some of you may have seen a previous post from me in general. I thought we had a bunny boiler on our hands. Found out today what I have is a sneaky WH who is a total asshat and was covering his tracks!

I am so angry right now I am steaming. I had been watching his texts and there was nothing (I get them sent to an email via a text copy program). Then he got the texts that he showed me that made me think we had a bunny boiler. Turns out he has been texting her from one of the guys he works with phone and she has also changed her phone number and he has her listed in his phone as someone else completely. She was texting him on other guys phone, but this morning I pick up his phone and there is a ticked off message from her saying she is tired of this and ever since he started texting her a couple of weeks ago she has been thinking and she wants him to leave here alone. The "bunny boiler" texts were her expressing concern that she didn't need me berating her and loosing my shit on her if they continued to talk. Which I did initially I admit. He was covering his ass by showing me. He has not seen her I know for sure, because all he does is work and sleep right now.

I am so tired of this shit! I had told him that if he broke no contact he could go and live with her and I would text her to let him know he is coming. Well he left for work and I spent the morning hefty bagging his shit and setting it in the garage (I like to keep my business from my nosey neighbours). He has been texting cute little messages to me and I have not responded except after he texted what ya doing? for the 8th time I responded cleaning some shit out!

I AM DONE! He wants this marriage or he wants her! He can't have both, simple as that! It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!



1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, November 11th (Monday)

So Sorry. . . (((Hugs)))


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 11th (Monday)

((((emotionalgirl)))) So glad you found the truth, honey. Sending you strength.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 11th (Monday)

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You will get through it, though!

Make sure you see a lawyer so you know what your situation is. Copy all bank statements, investment statements, and account for any debt you have (mortgage, etc.) ASAP. Get your hands anything that may possibly matter financially. You may want to consider re-keying your locks, too. Ask a lawyer what they think. Legally, a locksmith has to allow your husband back into the house unless there really is a separation in place.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, November 11th (Monday)

WIF gave you some great advice. I am so sorry he continued to lie to you.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
RippedSoul
Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, November 11th (Monday)

So hurtful and maddening! No advice (I don't seem to be doing anything right myself to warrant sharing strategy), but definitely hugs.


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 400 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, November 11th (Monday)

No I disagree, your bunny boiler is your WH!!!
This kind of manipulation is indicative of a pathologic liar.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Nov 2010
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, November 11th (Monday)

Thanks everyone,

I already have total control over all finances and since I do everything have copies of it all, so no fears there. He is the one who is going to have issues! I will wait on the locks, as I am not quite ready to go there. We will see what 7pm brings, which is what time he will be home. Will make an appointment with a lawyer for this week and go from there.

Right now I just can't even think! I am angry and exhausted and sad and just what to sit and cry for awhile. Things were so good and I thought we were starting to R, then it is like a bomb went off and shattered my entire world. so glad I can come here.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
Swims
Member
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 11th (Monday)

I'm so sorry, emotionalgirl. But its good that you found the truth sooner rather than later. Stay strong!! (((emotionalgirl)))

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, November 11th (Monday)

It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!

Happy Birthday sister
Strength to you.

And F.T.G!!!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Hope2B
Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, November 11th (Monday)

I am so sorry this has happened to you, especially after being very clear about parameters of behavior (NC) and ensuing consequences!

I applaud you for being strong and following through with those consequences.

Future birthdays will be better! Happy belated birthday!


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 343 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Wow. Just Wow.

(((((emotionalgirl)))))

You're really doing great considering. And good for you for the hefty route!!! Can't think of a more deserving guy.

You're awesome!!


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 11th (Monday)

((((emotionalgirl)))))

I feel you, I hear you...I am now off to be sick.

If this turns out to be my truth I hope I can be as strong as you x


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Damn. Just when you think it is safe to go back in the kitchen! Of all things, WH giving bunny boilers a bad name.

(I was going to say, "You must be furry-ous", but then I thought better.)

Sorry about your situation.

Leo


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Sending strength to you. It is 740 here...hope you are holding up well.


Me-50 BS
Him 57-WS
Married 30 yrs, together 33
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1533 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Hi everyone....I am doing ok. WH got home from work 40 min ago. Lets just say it was interesting.....

I am actually really proud of myself, he texted off and on all day just to say hi, and stupid tidbits. I didn't text back once. He got home and I told him he was not welcome in "our" home. He asked why? I said go out to the garage and figure it out for yourself. He looked perplexed, but went. He is now in the garage and texting me continually to please come out and talk. After about the 10th text I told him to text his "friend" if he needed to talk so badly as that seems to be what he always does. I think it just sunk in! He has not texted or come to the door for the last 10 min.

Our garage is heated with a couch, it's his man cave so he can sleep out there as far as I am concerned. If he does come in after I go to bed....whatever, I have moved back to the spare room.

I have written a letter informing him that I am done and we can live an in house separation or he can move out. It is up to him, but I have written that I am finished with his bullshit, 3 people do not a marriage make. I have also noted that I will be seeking legal advice. Since he thinks he has done nothing wrong, I am sure he will think I am bluffing. Guess he will get a surprise won't he.

Thank you everyone for support...and Leo, I thought the joke was cute. Just what I needed. I likely won't post for a few days until I can figure out what is going on.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
PricklePatch
Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Hugs stay strong


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 279 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
courageous
Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, November 11th (Monday)

(Emotional gal). Good for you for standing up for yourself! I know that is really hard to do. You deserve so much more than being second place in your own marriage. Don't let him convince you otherwise or that it's all in your head.... My exwh did that to me and I'm still upset with myself for falling for it.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 619 | Registered: Jan 2012
storm77
Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Sorry this is happening, but just wanted to say that you are awesome.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 126 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

(((((emotionalgirl))))

I'm so sorry.

Please keep us posted when you can...

You are going to be okay...after you get rid of the poison in your life.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
5yo GS & 18 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4959 | Registered: May 2007
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Take care of yourself right now. I am sure he gets it. He just can't believe he was caught! They think they are so smart being sneaky.


Me-50 BS
Him 57-WS
Married 30 yrs, together 33
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1533 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Just wanted to let everyone know I am doing ok. WH is sleeping in our basement right now. For the first time in 25 yrs I went out the other night and didn't leave a note to tell him where I was or who I was with. I didn't answer my phone the whole night and didn't come home until late. He was not a happy camper! I pulled into driveway and he was right on me...where were you, why didn't you answer phone? I just looked him in the eye and said " that is really none of your business considering we are currently separated as far as I am concerned". He had a meltdown, went on and on about how he thought I was just being pissy and was giving me time to calm down. My response was "I am calm! So calm I spoke with a lawyer today" and I walked away. I then refused to speak with him further and went to my room and locked the door.

He is very upset and suddenly realizes that I mean business. I am done with his bullshit! Today he spent texting me begging for another chance and I came home to flowers and gifts. I laughed and said words and gifts are cheap, it's actions that count now, then left for the evening. Just got home and headed straight for bed.

I don't want to loose my marriage, but I am done with the crap. If he thought I was a bitch about things before, this time he doesn't even recognize me. Three people do not a marriage make and he needs to figure that out. If it takes a set of divorce papers to get him to wrap his brain around it, then so be it. Ball is totally in his court as far as any kind of R is concerned. It is going to take allot to make me even consider it though. Terms and conditions that I don't even want to get into here.

Just livin my life on my terms right now and to hell with the rest! Thank you everyone for your support.

EG


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

AMEN Sister! A.M.E.N.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Healing2012
Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, November 15th (Friday)

I am impressed with your strength! Stay strong...


BS: Me (40)
WS: Husband (46)
Married 8 years
Two children 5 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 353 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
neverdidithink
Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 15th (Friday)

EG, what strength and grace you're able to muster, you're just incredible!

Stand strong for what you need without compromise, you deserve that and so much more.

Hugs to you, as brave as you are this isn't easy...


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, November 15th (Friday)

Thank you everyone. Your kind words and encouragement are what keep me strong. I was raised to hold my head high no matter the situation and always handle anything while keeping my dignity intact.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
beginningagain
New Member
Member # 41326
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, November 16th (Saturday)

Stay strong, emotionalgirl...it is so hard..but you deserve better...they freak out when they know the life they so cavalierly threw away is on the line, so to speak..but you can only trust your inner voice and gut and go from there...sending you very big hugs..

Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Well fellow SI'ers, I am still living an in house separation. He is begging everyday when he manages to catch me not to go through with a D.

Tonight I met him at the door when he got home from work and demanded he hand over his phone. Interestingly, he has blocked her number and has deleted her picture. A couple of weeks ago when I found the picture he denied it was her, told me some fabricated story about who it was and refused to delete when I asked him to. I handed his phone back to him and walked away not saying anything. He begged me to tak to him. I just told him my mother taught me if I have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all!

I am not saying that this is going to stop me from seeing a lawyer, but I have a slim amount of hope that he is coming to realize what he has to loose. Meanwhile I am taking care of me and only me! I hold all the cards and he is almost out of chips! Time will tell.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
MediumRare
Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, November 18th (Monday)

Good job emotional girl.

I would indeed see a lawyer and keep the D process going strong. It is a long and tedious process to D, so you can still progress much further even if you decide to pull the plug on it later. This will continue to show your WS that you mean business and it's not some cutesy little side fling that you should just overlook any more.

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. In-house separation sucks.

I'm glad living your life for YOU. Go out more, focus on hobbies, make it very clear that you are moving on with your life WITHOUT HIM. Like they say, the only way to save the marriage is to be willing to end it. Many a foggy WS needs this mortal terror before they wake up and see the writing on the wall.

Good luck to you!


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 712 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, November 18th (Monday)

Thanks medium rare. I am still planning to follow through with the D process, I know I don't have to file in the wend if the asshat straightens out. To be honest he is already showing signs of mortal terror just from me being out most evenings and him not knowing where I am.....kind of enjoying terrorizing him. Oops may e that's mean of me to say, but it is true.

The in house separation isn't bad here. He lives in the basement and doesn't really need to come upstairs at all. I have made it abundantly clear he isn't welcome! Add that to the fact that most nights I go out, even if just to a movie and just to piss him offa bit. It's not bad at all.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 30