SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: The dating scene and other people
Running the Race
Member
Member # 19755
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Anyone else think the dating scene is over rated? Or for that matter, the party scene as well?
I've gone out twice, and the women were nice, but it just doesn't seem like the excitement or fit is there. I may have not been that exciting to them as well....
The club or bar scene seems to be full of shallowness, emptiness.

I've found small joys in running, working out, church. But not the type to fill the void from the divorce. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there I can find better than my exw.

I know that I am in search of myself. I am in charge of my own happiness. But someday I'd like to meet someone new.
In the past, when I have run into someone who seems interesting, generally, they are already in a relationship (and I refuse to be that other guy).
Any feel this way? Or is the dating scene better for others?


BS-Me (38)
FWW-(37)
3 Kids-
2009-She wants divorce
2009-2012 trying to R
2012-she wants a divorce again
2012-we are divorced
2013- trying MC to work it out, she does show some remorse, but I can't trust here anymore
2013- she moved out,

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: California
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, November 11th (Monday)

I have not tried dating yet, but I can't imagine liking it very much. I never liked dating before I was married. I have looked on online dating sites out of curiosity and they kind of scared me, lol. Bars and clubs are not a place I can see myself interested in meeting a guy. I hope as time goes by and I get further along in this process, dating won't seem some scary and maybe I will enjoy it.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
numbandnauseous
Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Running - hugs to you.

First, PLEASE, PLEASE get out of your mind that you will not find anyone better than your exw!!!!!! Although you may not feel it now, being alone is much better than being in an emotionally unsafe M.

You are new to the dating scene - give it time. These feelings will pass. Also, maybe instead of the bar scene, have you thought of joining a running club or other hobby club? That way, you would meet others with similar interests.

Others with more experience will be along with more advice. Have you checked out the New Beginnings thread? Lots of info on dating over there.

Let us know how it goes.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, November 11th (Monday)

After being married for nearly 25 years, the idea of dating and mixers is sort of weird.

A lot of what you experience is not much different than when you were dating before you married. A lot is also very different. No one gets to adulthood without carrying some 'baggage'. And dating now will be something of a dance to determine is you, your date and your respective pasts can mesh.

I love women, always have. And, I kept to myself as a married man should and because I wanted to.

So I do go out. And it is sometimes strange. I also spend a lot of time alone and with guy friends.

You'll figure all this out as you go. Maybe you want a woman's company, maybe you don't. You need not push it.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, November 11th (Monday)

It gets easier once you have had some time to heal.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, November 11th (Monday)

I tried dating a couple of times. I agree. I hated the dating scene as a kid and I hate it even more now! I was with her for 18 yrs. since high school. I still found myself doing what it sounds like you are , which is comparing! The dates went ok, but I would suggest to you not to date till you are ready. I had to try and still do , because I love woman and I can't take the fact that my stbxww has a boyfriend as I stay home and cry. Good luck brother.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Topic Posts: 6