New Beginnings
User Topic: melancholy
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Do not have a reason. In the new house, daughter's doing relatively well, school is awesome.

So what is the deal? Yes I am somewhat disturbed by the EX's having yet another happy post-divorce GF. She has no idea who she is dealing with. This not reason enough to feel this bereft.

After plowing thru all of this maybe I am finally feeling the exhaustion of this ordeal?

I have endured his betrayal twice but more painful was the damage to my children. My youngest was hospitalized 4X's but twice he was on vacation and could not visit. One vacation was only a 2 hour drive away. He also told the fragile middle child that she was bipolar just like him. When she disagreed with his diagnosis he told her she was "fucking nuts".

Gosh maybe I do have a reason to be melancholy.

Emotional exhaustion ?

I feel guilty that I am not happy that I have roof over my head.

There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1680 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, November 11th (Monday)

I go through this.... I'm a single mom...struggling to make it.... and fight with my sister on a regular basis but feel trapped because she watches my daughter for free so I feel that I have to pacify her regularly... even when she can be emotionally immature at times (although 9 years older than me)....and its exhausting trying to keep her happy. Worse than being in an emotionally abusive relationship. She fights like my mom.....dirty and mean. I know how my dad felt all those years fighting with my mom and he would just be quiet...and calm...and say "yes dear.... I'm sorry... you are right" while she slammed doors, cussed him out in 10 different unrecognizable languages, and threatened to leave him. I am him and my sister is my mom in all this. There is nothing I will ever be able to do that will ever be good enough for her. EVER.

BUT... I'm healthy and in good shape.... have lost all my baby weight.... I have a roof over my head.... my bills are paid up to date (for the most part except a few medical bills) and my daughter is happy and healthy. I should be ecstatic. But, I'm not. I'm borderline depressed. And, of course I feel guilty for feeling this way. But, it is what it is.


[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:47 PM, November 11th (Monday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, November 11th (Monday)

(((risingfromashes))) I'm sorry you aren't feeling well right now.

You've been thru a lot. It is common to go thru some depressive episodes from time to time, or to feel some melancholy every once in a while.

After plowing thru all of this maybe I am finally feeling the exhaustion of this ordeal?
Worrying about your children can take a toll. Being a single parent is totally exhausting. Being a single parent with a self-centered mentally ill co-parent can definitely take a toll.

I feel guilty that I am not happy that I have roof over my head.
No guilt. You have a right to your feelings. It is okay to feel down sometimes. You don't even need a valid reason. Sometimes we just feel down because we feel down.

This is when it is important to practice some self-love. Show yourself some TLC and be kind to yourself. Allow your feelings. Take some deep breaths. And just let yourself work thru it (unless it is lasting months and you are having very dark thoughts....then you may want to get a little help working thru it.)

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15298 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, November 11th (Monday)

((((rising)))) I hear you, honey. And you know - I think you're onto something with the idea that you are finally feeling the exhaustion.

Up until recently, there's been a constant stream of battles (with the D), massive tasks (selling the house and your move), child-related issues, etc. Now that things are more settled and stable for you, it only makes sense that you would be coming down from constant alert.

Be gentle with yourself. Revisit your self-care - it can be easy to let that slide when things are hectic.

Sending you strength, honey.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25835 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, November 11th (Monday)

You've just moved, are in the groove of school, things have finally calmed down... I think it is totally normal that you hit a lull and melancholy is visiting.

As for fickle mcfucklenuts, well no one is voting him father of the year are they...?

((rising and DD's)) This too shall pass.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4156 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, November 11th (Monday)

Completely normal. Please take care of yourself. (((rising)))

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

fickle mcfucklenuts

I hope that made you laugh, that's some funny shit!

I think the exhaustion is very normal and to be expected. You have been on high alert for a loooong time, and now that things are more settled, your body is realizing that "hey, I can relax a little" and the result is sheer exhaustion. Rest up. Sleep helps a LOT.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

This happened to me also when I slipped down that rank rabbit hole.

Suddenly, I was finally "in the black" but it was not enjoyable nor a panacea.

I feel its a part of the stages of grief, normal, emotional exhaustion, & just everything endured.

Sending you huge hugs and know that this too will pass.

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Yep, this is normal. Happened to me as well but in my case it isn't melancholy feelings it is anger and rage that I had suppressed during in-house S. It's getting better but whenver it gets bad I think it could be worse...STBX could still be in the smae hosue with me.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1914 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

That first year is full of drama, stress, adrenalin - so much happening and so much needs to be done. Willpower gets us through.

As the dust settles and things start calming down I think the crash from the adrenaline ride kicks off bouts of melancholy.

I spent month denying my sad feelings - all it did was make them splash out randomly. Now I sit in it when I feel it. I was melancholy a few afternoons last week with no triggers, no discernible reason 'why'. I just was. It passed.

You and I could also have 'yet another' post-divorce BF if we didn't give a shit about history repeating. Please keep this in mind.

The sad clown is a love addict and cannot be alone. He is the same person, broken in the same way. Nothing has changed but the victim/bandaid. I'm glad I am no longer that victim or that bandaid.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5618 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Double post

[This message edited by SBB at 8:47 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5618 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I think that having to be so vigilant all those years has caught up with me. Instead of relaxing its more like collapsing!

Is there self-care that does not involve eating?

There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1680 | Registered: Mar 2004
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

You have been through so much and having to deal with so much. You could not afford to feel down or melancholy. You have been through so much, so it makes sense. Ramp up the self care, pat yourself on the back for ALL the changes you have been through. You did good!!

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 13