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User Topic: O-L-D and cheesy one-liners...share yours!
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

There must be a manual or website for the cheesy one-liners I have received because the same corny lines have been used by more than one guy. After I almost spit out my drink reading the latest one, I thought it might be fun to share.

* If I could change the alphabet, I would put I next to U.
* You must have lasers in your eyes because you have stunned me.
* Are you a leprechaun? Because you have charmed me!

Hard to take a NB seriously when this kind of garbage is being spewed. They get an automatic delete, but not before an eye roll and a groan.

How about everyone else? What are the choice one-liners you have seen/heard?


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

"I lost my number. May I borrow yours?" That was the day I deleted my profile...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

The ones recently have been pretty good,

"you have an infectious smile"…too bad he was the opposite of my type.

Or, the ones that go through my profile and write me arguing point for point, "I like XYZ too!! I feel such a connection to you!!!!"

The one that got a little creepy to me recently was one that said, after I told him I wasn't interested since he was recently separated, "I pray you will wait for me".

Delete. Block.

I haven't had any cheesy one-liners recently. I seem to attract the slightly creepy guys.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4126 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

I was out with a guy that asked me to come back to his apartment. When I declined, he said "C'mon! The first one is free!"

In his defense, he was extremely funny - I hope he was just going for the shock value.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

"Excuse me, I'm lost....Can you take me home with you?

AND (the worst)

"I just wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!"

And, yes...I live in the South!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)

If I was a stop light, i'd stay on red all the time you pass by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer. I was wondering if you fancy to be friends with me and get to know each other and see what happens in the future. Rejection can lead to so many health complications such as stomach ulcer, depression, starvation and many more, so for the sake of our health, Please say yes!!!
Direct quote from a first email contact on OLD. I smiled, but didn't reply...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

"I just wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!"

Lordy that is a bad one!!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Trust me! I ran for the Ladies room on that note...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

I cannot believe people actually think those work.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Oh. My. God. I can hardly believe these could possibly be for real!!!

Posts: 1688 | Registered: Oct 2011
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Just after I split from XSO, I attended a trade show where I met this other exhibitor. We danced half the night at a party. I was thinking I might get cozy with him till he opened his mouth and whispered in my ear, "Where have you been all my life?"

O.M.G. Game over.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7202 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

Saw this in a profile this week:

'Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates. I may just eat you all up'

LOL!!!


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

"I hope you know CPR because you have stopped my heart"

I'm a cardiac nurse


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)

"I just wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!"
That's not even an original line. It is out of the movie "Coming to America" starring Eddie Murphy.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

This isn't exactly cheesy or one line, but I just put up my OLD profile on okc, haven't even put up a photo, barely answered any questions, etc. And I got this:

Hey there, hope things are well with you. I know this is out of the blue but I will be staying at the Hilton Garden Inn tonight and looking for someone to hang out with. Drop me a note if you like. Happy to share pics, cell number, etc. Or if you have kik, hit me there as xxxxxxdog


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1828 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

That's not even an original line. It is out of the movie "Coming to America" starring Eddie Murphy.

Well, it came from an overweight hairy redneck guy that was old enough to be my dad....so I think he was just hungry! I ducked and weaved and got outta there!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

This is not a one-line....but I thought of you guys when I seen it.

It was yet another user name that screams "come get me"....NOT.

Teabag


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2098 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Teabag

Sometimes the profile names are just as bad as the one-liners!



BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
soulsearcher4
Member
Member # 29540
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Just after I split from XSO, I attended a trade show where I met this other exhibitor. We danced half the night at a party. I was thinking I might get cozy with him till he opened his mouth and whispered in my ear, "Where have you been all my life?"

Guys are you paying attention? Keep your mouths shut!!!


Me: BS
Her: WS

Divorced.

Remarried to a supremely wonderful person!


Posts: 171 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: So.Cal.
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, November 15th (Friday)

Got two more that I just HAD to share!

* I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
* I must be the sun and you must be earth because the closer we get, the hotter you become.

OMG! Who comes up with this garbage!

Excuse me while I


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

Some years ago, a woman I was dating was walking down a street in NYC. Suddenly, a homeless guy lying in a doorway shouted to her, "Hey lady, you got something on your butt... my eyes."

I think this line is brilliant and now use it routinely. It works less than 1 out of 100 times, but it is so crude and juvenile, and I find it so funny (best if delivered ala Bill Murray in Caddyshack) that I really do not care. Whatever alley that homeless guy is currently lying in, I thank him and definitely owe him a drink.


Posts: 202 | Registered: Sep 2013
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

Teabag
Oh, good lord.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8659 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

OMG. I had to read that twice


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

I briefly had an OLD profile but quickly took it down because I'm definitely not ready to weed through the crap!

This first one is more bat-shit crazy than cheesy but..

"Hi! You're cute. It's a beautiful day, do you want to meet up for a hike"

Ummm..sure nameless STRANGER! Let's meet up in a secluded spot in the wilderness. I'll even help you find a great spot to bury my body, assuming you haven't already picked one!


"Just thought I'd say hello even though I'm sure you don't go for guys like me."

Ew. Take that passive-aggresive, self-depreciating B.S. somewhere else! I've had my fill of that with my ex. I used to think that this was how "nice" and "humble" guys talk but now I know better.

"You are intimidatingly beautiful." <-that's it.

Uhhhhh..thanks?!


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

How about "Do you have a boyfriend? No? Are you taking applications?"


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

My STBX and I were talking yesterday and he's all 'It's been so long since I've been on the dating scene, maybe you'll need to give me some pointers or ideas.'

To which I smiled and replied, "Just use whatever bullshit lines you fed your little girlfriend, those seemed to work well."


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

"Your smile is hard to stop looking at. That may be cheesy but its true." Thanks for helping me identify the cheese factor, Mr. 28 year OLD guy.

And this notification from another OLD site this morning makes my heart all aflutter, "oralmaster54 wants to meet you"... I don't even want to know what his opening line might be!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I had one last week that had me

I am 43, he was 58, out of my age range, and even the photos were a little creepy…

"Hello my name is D love chance know you over glass of wine and dinner (name of restaurant) in (city) Saturday nite at six"

Then, when I didn't respond within an hour, he switched restaurants:

"Hello you like meet (different restaurant) glass of wine would not mind that at six"

Then, I blocked him.

I wonder if he was waiting for me?? I wonder if women really DO meet him?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4126 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

OMG. I had to read that twice

Me too!!!!

But he gets bonus points for creativity!!!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2098 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

YUCK...I hated Economics...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

The user names are sometimes worse than the profiles.

I read them now to provide comedic relief AND remind me the quality of people has seriously declined

Worse I read......in his profile mind you. How much he loved oral sex and was very proficient in his craft. ( didn't know one could obtain a proficiency rating). Oh, and not to mention he was 70 years old and user name had the number 69 in it. Oh how original was he? Such a catch. Huh?

No OLD profile for me. My WH had one for 10 yrs, he was looking for the love of his life ( during our 35 yr marriage). His ass was looking for a wife. Bigamy much? Omg


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 611 | Registered: Jul 2012
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

I briefly noodled on OLD before SO and saw some of these but never responded. To anyone.

I think my favorite was "I see you live in XYZ. I live in ABC. Would you consider relocating?" Sure, dude I don't know! I'll totally move me and the bunch JUST FOR YOU! (PS: I didn't live in XYZ, anyway. I wasn't about to put my real location. )


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15391 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

The user names are sometimes worse than the profiles

Yep. A much older guy was trying to message me and his user name is "daddy."

That just creeps me out to no end...and his pic looked like he was a creeper...

Delete...delete...delete...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1085 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 33