Topic: He's long gone...but still telling stories...
Member # 18820
| Posted: 11:16 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)|
I've been broken up with my ws for going on 5 years now...but because we're in the same business (and were friends for literally 20 year before we were together), he still talks to a lot of people that I work with or am friends with.
And the story he tells to explain the fact that he had a 7 year affair ending in a bastard child is that he begged me for years to have a baby with him and i "wasn't ready", and then it was "too late" (ie I was too old). The real story is that I told him I wasn't ready until around '03, then BEGGED him to have a child with me until around '08,when he FINALLY agreed to try...but of course he had that "one last fling" that caused her pregnancy and the end of our relationship.
and the reason he never wanted to have sex, or insisted that we use birth control on the rare occasions we did, was that he was deeply involved in his affair--in which, btw, he never used birth control.
Am I right to correct the story when told to my friends and family, or should i laugh it off, or refuse to comment? It really pisses me off that he's trying to make it OK that he screwed around and got his whore pregnant, and is telling people that it was somehow my fault. As if.
Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.
Posts: 228 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
Member # 32554
| Posted: 12:37 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
I'm done covering for him and helping him spread his lies. I tell the truth about myself, and I correct whatever bullshit story he's told people.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 9858 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 38928
| Posted: 1:18 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
The truth is very liberating, and you don't owe him anymore coverups. I covered for XPOS for years and it made me sick. If they don't want the world to know about their shitty behavior, they should have thought about that before going down that path. I will gladly tell anyone the truth, and I don't have to worry about keeping my cover stories straight anymore. It is wonderful!
BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 35229
| Posted: 3:02 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
I absolutely correct untruths as they arise. The sad clown has told people I was having affairs the entire relationship and that he was considering having the girls DNA tested. He knows damn well I was faithful right up until DD.
Its all projection. Annoying as hell but I've found the people that share it with me don't actually believe him and are telling me so that I am aware of his lies.
Y'know what's weird? This is part of their false construct. they tell themselves these lies so much they actually start believing it.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20849
| Posted: 6:03 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
My WS moved south and I was going thru the court system to be able to take my DD and join him when I found his little "hobbies"
So he tells everyone that I just didn't want to move with him (yeah, that's it....I didn't want to live in a condo on the beach and not have to work while my husband was making six figures...who would want THAT type of life?)
So, yeah, when people say something to me that is untrue, I fix it. I don't go on and on and I don't make a big deal of it....I just change the misconception.
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
Posts: 15300 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 36336
| Posted: 11:52 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
Don't stoop to his level, Molly. My X did the same type of thing and I didn't say a word, except to very close friends(3 and my parents). I never even told my kids. Took about a yr and everyone could see the truth. Now after 2+ yrs, it's obvious to everyone.
It sucked for me for what seemed an eturnity. Most everyone thought it was my fault, didn't believe what she did...and I'm a man so it had to be all my fault. I knew what the truth was and knew it would come out in time.
Now I have people say, "why didn't you defend yourself?". I tell them I don't have to, I'm the same person I've always been.
I had no reason to tear someone else down to make me look better, isn't that what most of this BS is all about?
Good people are good people. Can't change the core.
Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 17460
| Posted: 11:55 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
He's just doing some post-infidelity clean-up on his end.
I would say something like "(LOL) So THAT'S this week's version!"
Smart people will get it.
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 40229
| Posted: 1:57 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
When it comes up, something along the lines of, "Oh, is that how he is justifying his 7 year LTA and his illegitimate child? Wow, really?"
Then just smile. If they question further, mention that he didn't want to have a child with you because he didn't want to cheat on his mistress.
I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
Posts: 2342 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 31468
| Posted: 5:20 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)|
I like AJ's and StillLivins approach. Get the fact that he's a liar out there in a funny way, then they don't feel uncomfortable but your point is made.
Together 9 yrs
Status: Divorced 4/27/11
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Posts: 4622 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
|Topic Posts: 9|| |