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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Is this ok to say to my DS?
Healing2012
Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)

My WH and I have been separated for about 18 months. No R. No D. We are both too scared to do anything.

Anyway, there are times when I really miss him. I miss our connection and our inside jokes. I miss his humor and him talking me down from all my neuroses. I do my best not to cry in front of DS, but every once in a while a few tears escape. DS has asked me what's wrong. I usually try to make something up...but a couple of times I just told him the truth: "I miss Daddy."

Is there any harm in doing that? I don't say anything else about it. I don't sob. I'm just very matter-of-fact about it. I say it and then we move on.

This is so hard...


BS: Me (40)
WS: Husband (46)
Married 8 years
Two children 5 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 353 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

((Healing2012))

It is hard to keep up the strong front with kids all the time, but I don't see anything wrong with what you said. DS probably misses him too and you are echoing his same thoughts. I can't imagine living in that kind of limbo for that long! How terrible for you!

On the day that I filed papers, my DS20 was sitting in the living room with me and tears were silently falling down my face. He looked over and asked what was wrong. I told him very simply that it was hard to be strong all the time. He looked at me and replied, "Mom, you don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay."

You are human, with human feelings, and it is going to come out once in a while. It's okay to acknowledge sadness. It's a legitimate emotion, and DS might wonder if you DIDN'T show some kind of emotion.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:53 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 979 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I cried in front of them at times in the beginning. But now I just zone off when I trigger. I tell them the truth. Daddy misses mommy and daddy is sorry for the my part of the situation and that I never wanted this. They say that they know and that they didn't want it either. It is hard but I believe in giving age appropriate truth. That is what I would want from my parents.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 612 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I tell DS that I am sad about all the changes we've had happen. I tell her that I miss things the way they were and am wondering how things will be.

I don't block the tears or run out of the room, but I warn her if they are coming, unless it's a bad bout. I grew up with a parent who didn't want to see emotions and a spouse who was the same and I don't want that for her and I. And if people are always running out of the room on her, what will it do for her insecurities?

Besides, we are soon to enter teenage years and will have secrets on top of the secrets we have now.

So long story short, I think sometimes kids need our honesty and to know that we're vulnerable also. You know, what I want also, is for my daughter to see and understand that we can cry or be afraid and it does go by so that we get to the other side.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 4