SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He's Stalling What can I do?
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I am trying to finish this dam divorce with a settlement meeting,etc. My SAWH is wearing his wedding ring, tries to talk to me about my day, etc.

At the same time he does not talk to his lawyer and my lawyer had to call his lawyer to setup a meeting. My L said his L is less than happy to work on the case because "she's busy".

My L did setup a meeting in 3 weeks, but my L has to put the balance sheet together, making ME pay for that, while my SAWH is in fantasyland playing disney dad.

I have called him, texted and emailed him about the settlement meeting. He says he does not know anything about it. He is in DENIAL about the divorce!!!

My sister said he's trying to manipulate me by wearing his wedding ring.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I've heard that sometimes people will do absolutely nothing and it's in hopes of getting the other spouse to move things forward-it's often a hope of not having to spend money and getting the other person to do it.

It sounds like he needs some boundaries.

For a time, even though we are in the process of divorce and it's ugly, my x would still call me "my wife". That really was strange to hear because I haven't been a wife in about two years! Now it sounds like a possession and it mocked me.

His wedding ring was off right away. I'm sure it's burned or in a river somewhere.

He tells me that he wants to speed up the process and his L tells my L that "he is busy" when she tries to set things up-but X here definitely is in a hurry-it's all very strange, for sure.

Wearing the ring could be a show, like for court or the lawyers or public? Further manipulation. My X tried to say "I really tried", had crocodile tears, the whole 9 yards.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I am not familiar with the legal procedure here but you may have to circumvent him and apply directly to the court. Basically, he may just cost you so much time and money with his delays that you don't have any choice. Then he will either come to the table or have to let the court impose a settlement. My guess, from what you say about him, is that he won't want that and he will sulkily come to the meeting, tantruming all the way.

I dealt with someone like this in a different matter, you just can't negotiate with them, they love the games and control, so you have to apply to the court.

My STBX is still wearing his ring. He doesn't want the divorce either - he says I am the one who wants a divorce. Hmm. Yes. After I found out about his multiple affairs over several years. It's his way of abdicating responsibility for his actions.

He says it's my choice to divorce.
I call it a consequence.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I recently posted something similar. Unfortunately, if there isn't anything for him to "gain" from the divorce, they are going to drag their feet. In order to get this process moving, you will have to move it along ~ meetings, court orders, etc.

In my situation, we just finished producing documents. I did everything I was supposed to do and wrapped it up nicely in a bow and he did jack shit. I had made over 1,500 copies of documents and statements and he had 30 pages of nothing. So now I have to go to court and hope the judge orders him to comply which he should have just done in the first place. Someone here told me that the only way to push this along is to make stbx responsible for court costs and attorney fees for HIS bullshit and maybe, just maybe, he will get it through his empty skull and get his shit together.

It seems we both have passive aggressive stbx's. Is this how yours behaved during the marriage? Mine did so I shouldn't be surprised.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

my ex didnt want to be married and cheated alot, yet he was chocked i filed divorce against him. then when the day came that they could not divorce us, some paperwork not done, I was crying and he asked why I was so upset. Im like hello! cause i want this shit done! moral: some people dont want to end it, they just want to play games and be irresponsible. they act shocked that you are "punishing" them.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

My x refused to do anything about the divorce, hell he didn't even hire an attorney! But, I honestly think it was designed so that he could say the divorce was all my idea/fault. Whatevs.

When he was dragging his feet, my attorney said that all I could do was wait him out.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

His stalling is costing you money. You should talk to your lawyer about going after him for legal fees.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

My SAWH was not like this at all during our marriage. I would get angry, but I would just ignore him and move on.

He does shutdown when he is upset. The thing is that I am truly the only person that knows him at the core. I know his secrets and that is the reason why he is so angry because I am calling him on his shit!

Other people think he is such a great guy! The ring thing is surprising that your WH's were doing the same thing. Image, image and more image.

My WH is also making appointment and calls to our first marriage counselor that I found. I really liked that counselor. I just don't get it.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 8