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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Feeling deserted...
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

It's so unfair. The cheating, the lying and now being left with two angry, hurt teenagers to parent with little help. I feel so damn robbed and abandoned. Teens are hard enough but throw divorce in there and wow, it's teen angst squared. I'm so hurt and exhausted. Please tell me it gets better.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 634 | Registered: May 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

I'm right there with you. I also have two hurt teens. I totally understand the exhaustion. It does and will get better but it takes time, healing, rebuilding and getting used to the "new normal". I also get no help from stbx so no "breaks". I've learned that you need to carve space for yourself. You have to take care of you. Are your teens in IC? Are your children taking out their anger on you? If they are, please get them into therapy. It is so hard to be a teenager ~ throw divorce in the mix and it's just so so difficult for them to deal with EVERYTHING. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. (((((Tripletrouble)))))


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Oct 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

(((Tripletrouble)))


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17248 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

(((Hugs)))

I feel for you. I have one teenager. It is so hard being a teenager but then throw in a divorce on top of it and there is a lot going on within them. I keep saying why he have to do this now?! When DS was starting hs and going through so much and needs his father more than anything. What a selfish coward! Somedays I'm just at a loss as to what to do but I understand he has to work through the pain also.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Darcy3
New Member
Member # 39696
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, November 14th (Thursday)

(((Hugs)))

I have three of them and it is very difficult. I also get very little help....actually I get no help with parenting. He calls them maybe once a week and sees them once every couple months for a couple hours....he has no desire to do any real parenting. I asked him once in a text if he even wanted me to let him know when I had issues with the kids. His response was...you can pull me in and I'll tell you what I think. I did try that a couple time though....got no response at all...asshole.

My kids have each handled everything so differently, so I had to handle things differently with each one of them. My youngest was the only one who got angry with me, and who I know at the time also blamed me for his dad leaving. He is also the one who has always tried so hard for his dad's approval. Because of this, I knew why he was taking his anger out on me. I was the safe one, and even though it was hard, I didn't take it personally. He could be mad at me and he knew I would still be there for him. After some time that anger directed at me did stop. He even told me one day when he caught me crying, that one day dad would regret leaving and when he came back I would be the one telling him that I don't want him anymore. Love that kid..

The other two have directed all of their anger at their dad which is hard also, because quite frankly it's pretty hard to try and defend/explain that asshole in any way. Mostly I just say "your dad is going through something, but I know that he does love you".... Pisses me off cause you shouldn't have to try and convince your kids that their dad really does love them!

The one thing that I think that has really help all of them is that I always try to be honest with them. They ask....I answer. I also try very hard not to speak bad about the asshole in front of them. I don't always succeed in that but I try, and when I fail, I always apologize to them and let them know I shouldn't have said that and it was done out of anger.

It has been almost a year now since he blew up our lives, and the relationship I have with all three of them has gotten so much stronger and I cherish that. With having to deal with their dad walking out on all of us....I wouldn't say that has gotten better so much as they have just gotten use to it.



Me = BS
Him = WS
3 teenagers
Married 24 years
D-Day: Nov. 10, 2012
Divorced

Posts: 45 | Registered: Jun 2013
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, November 14th (Thursday)

Hugs to all. It is tough. While my kids father sees them every other weekend, he doesn't actually do much parenting. They mostly do nothing. He manages to find some enthusiasm when the girlfriend is around, but I think it's all for show. He won't reach out to my middle child at all, even though she has tried to approach him about what she's feeling. She won't go over there but about once a month. And after the last time I talked to x about it and he lambasted me about not making her go, I refuse to do any more to foster her relationship with him. It's so sad, because she really was daddy's little girl,and she now feels replaced by his girlfriend and all her brats.

In the early days, I hated biting my tongue when they went on and on about how great dad's new place was, and all the fun stuff they did ( that dried up in a couple of months, I guess the Disney dad pesonna was too hard for him to maintain), but it's harder to see the pain of knowing that your dad not only threw your mom away, but is "through" with you too.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

(((Triple)))

Teens are hard. I had a nightmare with my son for years with two of us parenting. But he did come out of it and our relationship is great now.

Teen angst doesn't mean you are their punchbag. They can express their feelings but I drew the line at acting out, the whole house filled with their misery and moods.

It is unfair. I know, I feel totally conned by my STBX. He is not the man he represented himself to be. It's natural to feel resentful and abandoned. He has abandoned you and his children and for what!


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 7