SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Standing up for one's self
beachbunny
Member
Member # 35476
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

So I picked up my older DS today & he was really upset. When I finally got to the bottom of why he was upset, it was because there was another child in his after school program being a bully to him. I listened to him, talked to him about solutions he could do own his own, as well me talking to the staff. I just sent an email to the staff as well.

I really want my wonderful & kind DS to understand & "get" that it has nothing to do with him-NOTHING. That this other kid may be being treated this way at home or is power tripping or whatever, but my DS? My DS is a wonderful, talented, kind, worthwhile person, and whatever any other fucked up child her other person that treats my DS "less than" is THEIR problem.

Boy, did I ever want to bring up me having WS leave and get out of my life as a perfect example of how to stop people from mistreating you. Can't do that though :/

But I did stumble across a great article about serial cheaters that really made me feel better about what I was experiencing when I was with WS (I'm not alone), how abusive it was, and how proud I am of standing up for myself! Now I can show my kids how to stand up for themselves!

Here are the excerpts:

In coaching women who are going through divorce due to a husbandís infidelity, Iíve found they have common characteristics with victims of domestic abuse:

Infidelity and domestic abuse can both become an ongoing aspect of marriage. There is a recurring cycle in which the abusive or cheating husband is repentant and the marital relationship functions well. Then there is another episode of abuse or infidelity.

The cheating husband may show brief periods of guilt or remorse, but usually seem insensitive to the pain they have caused. And will not accept responsibility for the suffering they cause.

The wife suffers from low self-esteem, a sense of worthlessness, a lack of control over her life, a dependency on her husband, and a distorted sense of reality in which she believes that what happens is her fault.

Women who stay for significant periods of time with partners who are unfaithful, often display the same psychological and social symptoms exhibited by victims of systematic abuse.


BS/WW: Me 43 WH/BH: Him 45 (badchoice)
Me: EA/PA 1997 DDay 5/99 (see profile)
Him: See his profile-15/16 y LTA
2DS:5 & 11 my loves
You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2012
beachbunny
Member
Member # 35476
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

The wife suffers from low self-esteem, a sense of worthlessness, a lack of control over her life, a dependency on her husband, and a distorted sense of reality in which she believes that what happens is her fault.

All that up there? I had all that stuff! I'm still recovering, but I feel much better & now I know I'm not crazy, too.


BS/WW: Me 43 WH/BH: Him 45 (badchoice)
Me: EA/PA 1997 DDay 5/99 (see profile)
Him: See his profile-15/16 y LTA
2DS:5 & 11 my loves
You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, November 14th (Thursday)

You're not crazy. I am so thrilled to read such strength in your words!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
beachbunny
Member
Member # 35476
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, November 14th (Thursday)

Hi NG!

Yes! I'm putting on my big girl pants & doing my best to sort through the wreckage of this completely unnatural disaster.

I keep swimming. Just keep on swimming. Sometimes I just tread water.


BS/WW: Me 43 WH/BH: Him 45 (badchoice)
Me: EA/PA 1997 DDay 5/99 (see profile)
Him: See his profile-15/16 y LTA
2DS:5 & 11 my loves
You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 4