So the good news is that I got the townhouse (rental) for me and DS! It's in my budget, in a good neighborhood, and super cute. Plus...storage! I'm completely downsizing, but I'm looking at this as a good thing since our current home is so full of clutter and junk (most of it is WHs). I don't like clutter. It makes me twitchy.
But I'm scared. Totally and completely scared.
WH and I have been separated for about 18 months, so I've been on my own for a while. I don't have an issue with being alone or sleeping alone. I'm just so scared because this house is the last thing connected to my old life. I'm scared to say goodbye to it because even though there were some shitty memories associated with it (obviously A related), there are tons of wonderful memories.
I feel like no matter how bad things were on some days, I could go back to the comfort of home. I'm not going to have that. I know I will eventually make this place home, but sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning out there in the universe with nothing to hold onto...nothing to ground me. I feel like I've lost everything that ever gave me comfort - my marriage (back in the good days), seeing my DS every single day, and now my home.
I don't know how else to explain it other than to say I feel like I'm floating above the ground completely untethered.
Am I making any sense?