User Topic: Some many why's
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Today I feel like I'm regressing. I'm just so sick of everything and feel so down on my luck. I ask why all the time.
Why did this happen?
Why did he not care?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why can't I forget about him, the way he forgot about me?
Why does his life seem to just go on?
Why is he living in a nice home, has a new vehicle, money to go out every night with his whore, money to buy whatever he wants, etc.. while I am struggling to figure out how DS and I can move out of my parents home and be ok.
Why does he not care that the two of them have destroyed two families?
Why doesn't he see how much he is hurting DS?
Why can't he feel some pain?
Why do I always have to be the better person?
Why don't I hate him?
Why do I even care?
There are just so many why's and today I'm asking them over and over to myself.

me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

I said this before, and I'll say it again.

Your post is full of "he" and "him".

What about you? What about your life, your future?

Who are you? Who do you want to be?

How do you achieve that?

This is the story of your life, not his.

Write the new story.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5182 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Hey Lost. I've asked myself all that. There is no satisfactory answer, but here is the one I came up with:

Waywards are selfish arseholes, and we're not.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

You are still so fresh... But one day your whys will be:

"Why did I care about what he was doing so much?"

And you will be able to focus on you. It takes awhile to get there, though, so take it one day at a time.

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3618 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Your exactly right trusted her. I think I continuously focus so much on him because that has been what I have done for 15 years. It's just like making excuses for him to DS. I always did it and then one day I said enough and haven't since. I just need to move forward and realize it doesn't matter why. I am just having a bad night and the why's just keeping popping in my head. The problem is I don't know who I am. I have been with him since senior year of HS. I went from my parents home to marrie with a baby. I need to put myself first sometimes. . Pass your right about being a selfish asshole.

me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, November 15th (Friday)

The why is something we all want to know but I do not think we will ever get. I wish I had some great word to make the pain disappear . I do know that you do need to focus on you and that it is ok to visit the why? But do not get stuck there! When the why's? Hit me I cry and scream and I think of how great of a real MAN that I am . How I won't let her treat me like that anymore. How she could never make me into a piece of shit like her , how I can get some sweet revenge and then I dive into work and myself. Success is the best revenge, I / you are awesome , I / you are smart and loyal , I / you are a better person than they can ever imagine being. My stbxww can never take away the person I am ! I was always great just now I'm great without her. Again. Stay positive and strong. We will get past this. All the best.

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 690 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, November 15th (Friday)

(((Lost))). I don''t get it either I have a lot if the same questions. I was taught that cheaters don''t prosper and''s so hard to understand how they can be so heartless and also why God hasn''t struck them down in some way for it. But at the end of the day we will have led our authentic lives and will find genuine happiness while their lives will stay a farce.

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Topic Posts: 7